dating multiple people?

[2much4]

a lot of dating advice advocates "dating multiple people" as a way to keep your options open, not get too attached too quickly, or as a solution if you're dating someone who is being casual about you.

 

Now I see how this might work out well, if you're not having sex with those people. I have found though that being intimate with several people at the same time just majorly messes with my head. Even if it's strictly casual, I prefer breaking it off with the guy before I sleep with someone else.

 

What have other people's experience been with multidating? Is it something you enjoy, or do you find it tiring to be juggling so many people at the same time? Does it make any difference to you whether you are having sex with those people or not?

[Foxhall]

one of my best "friend girls" has 3 blokes on the go at the moment,

 

lol me and this lady get on great actually and when I did make a play for her, she was quite open and says yes shed be happy to be my girlfriend but that Id have to accept her playing with these two or three other chaps,

 

so while I still really like her as a friend, I decided in the end up I could not see us being a long term couple,

 

ok I like her but I could not love her.

 

In terms of how her mindset works, she simply has a high sex drive and is just a fun girl who does not take life too seriously.

 

shes 28 so I guess in time she will grow out of it,

 

I hope she does not get hurt along the way though.

[crispytoast]

a lot of dating advice advocates "dating multiple people" as a way to keep your options open, not get too attached too quickly, or as a solution if you're dating someone who is being casual about you.

 

Now I see how this might work out well, if you're not having sex with those people. I have found though that being intimate with several people at the same time just majorly messes with my head. Even if it's strictly casual, I prefer breaking it off with the guy before I sleep with someone else.

 

What have other people's experience been with multidating? Is it something you enjoy, or do you find it tiring to be juggling so many people at the same time? Does it make any difference to you whether you are having sex with those people or not?

I don't think I've had a sexual partner that I didn't sleep with on our first outting in 7 years so your philosophy would not work for my multi-dating style. I usually wouldn't have more than 2-3 partners at a time to though unless I am in a relationship with someone and she invites her friends into our sex life. Then it's game on.

 

Yes I enjoy multidating, but if I meet someone I'm really into, I tend to keep it locked down with maybe a little bit of swinging here and there.

 

As an afterthought, I kinda want a shirt that says "I f**k on the first date" for those times that I'm going out and I'm trying not to get laid.

Edited June 2, 2019 by crispytoast

[stillafool]

a lot of dating advice advocates "dating multiple people" as a way to keep your options open, not get too attached too quickly, or as a solution if you're dating someone who is being casual about you.

 

Now I see how this might work out well, if you're not having sex with those people. I have found though that being intimate with several people at the same time just majorly messes with my head. Even if it's strictly casual, I prefer breaking it off with the guy before I sleep with someone else.

 

What have other people's experience been with multidating? Is it something you enjoy, or do you find it tiring to be juggling so many people at the same time? Does it make any difference to you whether you are having sex with those people or not?

 

I would suggest to date multiple guys but not have sex with any of them.

[Curiousroxy86]

I multi date before exclusivity

 

For me I talk/get to know/go on dates with multiple men. I do not have sex before exclusivity. I reserve sex for an exclusive boyfriend girlfriend relationship. I have two nights a week most of the time where I am free to go on dates.

 

How I manage suitors is I let men intiate contact, asking me out, and ultimately ask for exclusivity. I choose based on if I’m attracted enough, their interest/pursuit and consistency, compatibility, and whether or not they treat me right. So essentially out of all the guys that show interest towards me whether online or offline there may be a few I find attractive enough to respond to their message if approached online or give my number to if approached offline. Not all the time mind you. Sometimes there may be dry spells. But if there is a guy or guys That pursue that I find attractive enough well I get to know them, have a conversation, text, schedule phone calls, go on dates. Some flake off. Some call. Some don’t. Some ask me out. Some don’t. Some are nice and respectful. Some just looking to f*ck. Some seem like someone I would be interested in continuing to talk to. Some have deal breaking red flags and have to cut loose.

So eventually there would be one that stands out from the rest who is consistently calling and asking me out and showing no red flags and ask to be my boyfriend. So of course ultimately I would end up choosing that guy if I like him (I wouldn’t continue to talk to him if I didn’t). A lot of times I end up naturally focusing on him before exclusivity if he is calling everyday and taking up both off days to spend time every week.

 

Specific details on management is first come first serve really. Guy ask to call I say I am free to talk at x time tonight. Another guy ask I say I am free to talk at x time tomorrow. Same for dates I normally have two nights open a week if no other plans. Guy ask me out. Sounds good free Saturday night. Another guy ask. Great I’m free Sunday night. If another guy ask. I should be free next Saturday.

 

Again keep in mind that doesn’t mean I will always have constant dates every week. It depends on if there is a guy or guys that I am interested in at any given moment. Sometimes there are many prospects, sometimes there are few, sometimes there is only one, sometimes there are none. (Lol why did that sentence felt very Dr Seuss to me )

 

Process of multi dating I wouldn’t say is necessarily “enjoyable”. It doesn’t become enjoyable until you like a guy AND he likes you back AND y’all are connecting and there is momentum and consistency. Everything else I just deem as necessary as far as getting to know the person or persons and experiencing a mixed bag of unknowns to get to finding that one person you end up being in a relationship with if that makes sense.

 

What I do like and prefer about multi dating is the not getting caught up on some guy that’s not your boyfriend. I can’t imagine focusing on one guy at the beginning and being so sensitive to everything he does and don’t do especially if he ends up being a flake. That would really annoy me. I find that it’s a less stressful approach to dating in my opinion. I am not micromanaging the guy and respecting his autonomy and freedom to choose but I also have that same freedom of choice and end up choosing the guy that acts like a boyfriend and wants to be my boyfriend. So I do love and prefer that about multi dating personally.

 

Now when it comes to sex I have zero desire to have meaningless no strings attach sex. Guy has to be my boyfriend first. I don’t like the idea of having sex with a guy that could disappear or screw other women. So to lower the risk of any of that I reserve it for an exclusive relationship. Now that being said I have slipped up and had sex before exclusivity. However I had it in my mind to not expect anything from it. I was still getting to know the guy technically and I just didn’t see it as wise to try to make the guy my boyfriend after it happened because 1) I believe a man should come to that decision on his own 2) technically I didn’t know him well at the time I slippped up and couldn’t judge at that time if he would have been a good boyfriend. So I chose to operate the same way in terms of multi dating for the purpose of choosing an exclusive boyfriend. That guy just so happened to end up as my boyfriend (now ex but that’s another story). So for the most part I practice sex with only a guy that’s my boyfriend. If I slip up I still would choose to multi date, he still would need to make it clear he wants exclusivity, and I still would choose if I want exclusivity with him. Sex would not change that for me.

[central]

I've multi-dated whenever that option was available, at least until I decided someone was exclusive material. I did not have a problem keeping things separate, or having sex with several - but in that case I would disclose that I was seeing others as well. Since I lean towards being polyamorous, this was natural for me, and I found some women who were also interested in polyamory. I've had a few relationships that went on for many years with two women simultaneously (and they've often had other lovers as well).

 

As long as you deal with people ethically and responsibly, it usually works out.

[Iris The Butterfly]

I don't multi-date. I only have time in my life for one person. If I really like someone and the feeling is mutual, I have no desire to see anyone else. If I like someone enough to have sex with them, I'm no longer interested in dating anyone else, period.

 

When I met my now-bf, I went out with him on a Monday night for our first date, he set up second date Saturday, again three days later, two days later, and now 7 months have passed. I didn't have time to go out with anyone else because he kept making sure he reserved my time. I prefer it that way.

 

It's one thing to go out with one person one week, not have any physical/sexual interaction, accept another date the next week, but if you're seeing a person more than once a week and being physical, I would say at that point for me, it's dishonest to multi-date. I like to put my full attention on someone I see a potential with. If I don't see a connection or potential, I just don't continue dating them. So it eliminates the idea of 'multi-dating' for me, and has worked out in my favor.

 

But when I was single I was looking for something serious, I realize people have different agendas. If you're looking for casual dating by all means, multi-date!

Edited June 2, 2019 by littlebridge

[frus69]

If the guy doesnt like me enough to just want to see me, I dont waste my time with him.

 

If I dont like the guy enough to want to drop all my other options, I dont waste my time with him.

 

Im looking for the guy that I feel "hell yes" with and vise versa. So I dont(need to) multi date. And so far it works out great.

 

If you need to date other people in order to not get "clingy" then I say you have a dependency problem and you should probably fix that before you date. Also with the right person, you should be able to give them as much attention as you want without worrying "will he/she think im too clingy"

[smackie9]

Depends on where your head is at..casual, nothing wrong with dating multiple people, because they are doing the same thing. Now if you are looking for someone to have a relaitonship with, why date several people at one time? If you don't think they are relaitonship material, then kicking them to the curb and moving onto the next to save your energy.

[Lotsgoingon]

Does it make any difference to you whether you are having sex with those people or not?

 

Are you kidding me? Of course having sex with three different people is different than simply going on dates with three different people ... OMG, the emotions and stakes always get higher and people more sensitive, after sex.

 

I think of multiple dating as an early-dating, early rough-screening process. I see the goal as to go out on a lot of first dates with people ... So a week of three first dates is fine ... I've never gone out with three consecutive women on first dates ... and wanted to see each person for second date ... well when I was younger, I would do stuff like that ... but that's when I was upfront (most of the time) about not wanted to be serious with anyone.

 

You want to be careful to avoid falling into the multiple-dating trap of dulling your filter and throwing out your real criteria for a serious relationship--assuming serious is what you want. Nothing wrong with having fun ... but if you're only having fun and have no real long-term interest, you definitely want to make that clear. (Not just technically clear such that you could go to court and honestly say you uttered certain words ... but clear ... as in you make sure the other person hears your words.)

 

By two dates (sometimes one date) you often know if you're seriously interested in someone. I would not go out on a second date with someone I knew I wasn't interested in--not these days--unless we both aren't feeling it ... and we both agree that hanging as friends could be OK.

[d0nnivain]

To me "multi-dating" only went as far has having more then one 1st or 2nd date in any given week. That early on I was not exclusive with anybody & if I slept with somebody that fast, it was generally because I thought he was hot but otherwise not worth my time.

 

If I wanted to get serious with somebody by the 3rd date I was a one woman man.

[thefooloftheyear]

There is no law that says you can't, but I think its a risky game...

 

Some people won't like being "shopped" and will bail out on you while you decide who you think is best...I'm not in the game, but no way in hell would I participate in that...

 

TFY

[Curiousroxy86]

Depends on where your head is at..casual, nothing wrong with dating multiple people, because they are doing the same thing. Now if you are looking for someone to have a relaitonship with, why date several people at one time? If you don't think they are relaitonship material, then kicking them to the curb and moving onto the next to save your energy.

 

I have to admit I don’t use nor understand the term “causal” but the purpose of dating for me is to get to know a guy or guys to see who I want to be in an exclusive relationship with. In my head exclusivity is for a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I don’t expect exclusively before me and a man make that decision. Therefore as I am dating him I don’t have to be exclusive to him. As I get to know a guy I like and see that he is consistent and showing actual boyfriend actions then I will normally naturally focus on him.

 

If I meet a guy I am attracted to and am interested in getting to know well it’s just that. We date to get to know each other and see if we match. I don’t know him. I don’t know if he will make a good “boyfriend”. He more than likely doesn’t really know if he wants to be my boyfriend himself. So because of these factors I really don’t see a point in focusing on this one guy in that stage. Therefore I do multi-date.

 

Why? A) because I can b) men do it too c) I only see exclusivity in terms of a boyfriend girlfriend relationship d) I believe there are many people out there in dating that are totally wrong/incompatible and if I want to be in a good relationship I have to weed them out and I do feel multi dating is much more effective in terms of not wasting too much time on the wrong guy and getting to someone who is better matched imo...that’s all I can think of for now lol

[alphamale]

dude it is hard enough trying to please one woman let alone 3 or 4 at the same time

[Curiousroxy86]

 

If you need to date other people in order to not get "clingy" then I say you have a dependency problem and you should probably fix that before you date. Also with the right person, you should be able to give them as much attention as you want without worrying "will he/she think im too clingy"

 

For some people who do have intimacy/anxiety problems that just might be the reason they multi date so they won’t feel like they have to get too close and I say hey whatever works. Yes they should fix that but let’s be honest a lot of people who date one at a time have those same very unfixed core issues.

 

But for me personally as a multi dater That’s not my reason I multi date. And personally I am a secure dater. Wasn’t always though when I was younger and naive.

 

I do agree with the right person you don’t have to worry about being too clingy. Multi dating is just one avenue I personally choose to find that right person to be in an exclusive relationship with

[crispytoast]

dude it is hard enough trying to please one woman let alone 3 or 4 at the same time

That's why I like girls that like girls. They don't rely solely on me for entertainment and we all get some variety. It's a win win win win situation.

[central]

Depends on where your head is at..casual, nothing wrong with dating multiple people, because they are doing the same thing. Now if you are looking for someone to have a relaitonship with, why date several people at one time? If you don't think they are relaitonship material, then kicking them to the curb and moving onto the next to save your energy.

 

This is where multi-dating is actually the most useful. You get to compare directly - over a short period of time, at most a few weeks - and decide who is a better match. If you wait to decide on each individually, you (may) miss out many great opportunities that won't ever happen again, and may discover that someone you passed over was actually more suitable.

 

I'd never have met my wife if I hadn't multi-dated (I'd have missed meeting her simply because I was in the early stages of seeing someone else), and she is by far the most compatible of anyone I dated.

[Larry56]

I have been doing this for the last 5 years or so. At first I really didn't enjoy running around on women I was dating until...I noticed that some women view some men as being placeholders and some men as being boyfriends/husbands whatever you'd like to call it.

 

Being young and naive I always thought it was only men who cheated but I found out that some of the biggest players are actually women. Once I experienced that I stopped caring that I was 'hurting' people since women are basically doing the same thing to guys all the time...

[I'veseenbetterlol]

a lot of dating advice advocates "dating multiple people" as a way to keep your options open, not get too attached too quickly, or as a solution if you're dating someone who is being casual about you.

 

Now I see how this might work out well, if you're not having sex with those people. I have found though that being intimate with several people at the same time just majorly messes with my head. Even if it's strictly casual, I prefer breaking it off with the guy before I sleep with someone else.

 

What have other people's experience been with multidating? Is it something you enjoy, or do you find it tiring to be juggling so many people at the same time? Does it make any difference to you whether you are having sex with those people or not?

 

Multi dating gives you options. I never did casual sex because that wasn't for me. Before multi dating, I got burned quite. When I would meet a guy, I would feel bad talking to others. They would pull me in and dump me saying they weren't ready. Or a guy would flake and I'd feel down. Once I started talking to multiple guys, I was able to pick out a guy who treated me right. I also got a lot less attached so if one guy didn't work out, I had 5 others I was talking to.

 

As a disclaimer though: I have never cheated nor do I plan on cheating. Once I became exclusive w/someone, I cut off all other guys. I'm one who believes in monogamy, but don't see any issue w/multi dating. You haven't committed yourself to anyone yet and you are looking for the best match. If you date one person at a time, you risk heartbreak and settling for something that you don't want.

 

I don't advocate for leading people on and would let the guy know as soon as I knew we weren't a match.

[Fekenaws]

Dating around is healthy because it lets you weed through candidates way quicker than usual and find "deal breaking" flaws in people that you didn't even realize were deal breakers. Polygamy though? Hard no. Once we are dating, I'm not sharing. And if you want to share, you're going to be single.