badg96 Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 Hi, about two months since I met a woman and started talking about whatsapp, we went to 3 dates and want to go to 4. Initially, I invited her to the third meeting to go to the movies to watch a romantic comedy or a fantasy film, because I thought it was more appropriate, but she said she did not feel like seeing that kind of movie. And sometimes she does not respond or is slow to respond to some messages, at first she responded quickly. And to make an appointment, and in the same week that I ask her, she says she's very busy next week. I think she was not interested, but she still agreed to have another date. What do you think? She in the meetings seems to look very sideways instead of looking at me, but I do not know if it's shyness she says she's shy.
introverted1 Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 Three "dates." Have you kissed her? Held her hand? Are these dates or get-togethers as friends? How do you know? How does she? Maybe she responded quickly at first because she thought it was a date and then you didn't make it clear, so her enthusiasm has been curbed. Or maybe she responded quickly and you both thought it was a date, but it wasn't a hit for her, so she's backed off. Really hard to tell without more information.
Author badg96 Posted June 2, 2019 Author Posted June 2, 2019 Three "dates." Have you kissed her? Held her hand? Are these dates or get-togethers as friends? How do you know? How does she? Maybe she responded quickly at first because she thought it was a date and then you didn't make it clear, so her enthusiasm has been curbed. Or maybe she responded quickly and you both thought it was a date, but it wasn't a hit for her, so she's backed off. Really hard to tell without more information. I did not kiss or hold hands, I am a virgin so I am very shy, and difficult for me to make a move. I'm in doubt whether she wants me as a friend or more. What do you think of me sending her a message to clarify this? I do not want to continue dating her if she only wants me as a friend.
d0nnivain Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 At best she is low interest. I think your shyness works against you here. By date 2 she was looking for some physical contact. When it didn't come she concluded that you weren't the guy for her but she liked you well enough & had so little else going on, she said OK to date 3. She's not really keen for date 4. You need to work on being assertive. It's OK to hold a date's hand & kiss her goodnight. Try it next time. 2
introverted1 Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 I did not kiss or hold hands, I am a virgin so I am very shy, and difficult for me to make a move. I'm in doubt whether she wants me as a friend or more. What do you think of me sending her a message to clarify this? I do not want to continue dating her if she only wants me as a friend. Well, honestly, I think it's possible she may just see you as a friend at this point, as you have not made it clear (to her) that these have been dates. If there is a path forward, it would be by doing, not telling. How old are you, OP?
The Outlaw Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 You need to work on overcoming your shyness and break the barriers that you're comfortable with next time and take a chance. When you move in for a kiss, women want to feel your lips, so don't tense up, but relax, there's nothing to it. Believe me, I did the same thing when I was younger because I was shy, but I was also testing the waters at the time to see if I felt the 'relationship' was worth it. In the end, it wasn't. But you've got the take the chance.
Author badg96 Posted June 2, 2019 Author Posted June 2, 2019 (edited) Well, honestly, I think it's possible she may just see you as a friend at this point, as you have not made it clear (to her) that these have been dates. If there is a path forward, it would be by doing, not telling. How old are you, OP? 22 years old, I do not know if I send a message to her before the 4th meeting, trying to clarify what she really wants, because I have no interest in going any further with her if she only comes to me as a friend Edited June 2, 2019 by badg96
d0nnivain Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 Don't send a message like that. First, all conversations about emotional stuff are to be held in person, not via text. You lose all non-verbal communication over text, which is 90+% of communication. Never have emotional discussions over text. Just don't. Instead go on the date & make a point to hold her hand. She doesn't want words. She wants romantic ACTION. Try to manage a kiss goodnight at the end of the date. Both of those things can save this. Asking her about intentions & talking will doom it. Don't talk to her. 1
BaileyB Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 Plan something fun and physical - not a dinner or talking date. Go hiking, or do something you have never done that you can do together like a climbing wall, or work together to do an escape room. Have some fun with her and see how it goes... They say the second or third date should be something that you experience together, that brings you closer. It helps to create a bond. Doing something more physical allows for the opportunity to engage in a different way. It’s important that she knows you can have fun, and that she will have fun in your company. And, planning something for her will make her feel special - plan a snack to eat on the hike, or take her to a new and special place, or encourage her if she is afraid to do the climbing wall... Even if this woman is not interested and it doesn’t work out, it will be a good experience for you - to increase your comfort level for the next time you date a woman... good luck! 2
BaileyB Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 Try to manage a kiss goodnight at the end of the date. Both of those things can save this. Asking her about intentions & talking will doom it. Don't talk to her. Indeed. If you are interested OP, step up and show her that you are interested. It doesn’t have to be a grand romantic/physical gesture. It can be as simple as going for a hike and taking her hand to help her up over uneven ground, of putting your arm around her to celebrate when you reach your destination...
Gaeta Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 3 dates in 2 months = She is not interested. She is 22 years old or around I imagine, if she was interested she would have monopolized your time by texting and showing interest by being curious about you. 2
Author badg96 Posted June 2, 2019 Author Posted June 2, 2019 3 dates in 2 months = She is not interested. She is 22 years old or around I imagine, if she was interested she would have monopolized your time by texting and showing interest by being curious about you. in 1 month, it's hard to convince her to go on the 1st meeting
Gaeta Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 Does she text you ramdomly without you initiating? did she add you on social media? If not she is not interested. Women know how to show a man they're interested. 1
Author badg96 Posted June 2, 2019 Author Posted June 2, 2019 Does she text you ramdomly without you initiating? did she add you on social media? If not she is not interested. Women know how to show a man they're interested. only starts 3 or 4 times, the last time it's been 10 days, she asked me for my instagram. But it's almost always me to start conversation
ChatroomHero Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 I'll be honest, it's easier than a lot of people make it to determine real interest. I can tell you that pretty much if you post here to ask if someone is interested, they are not. If someone is interested they will give clear signs. What happens is you get signs that she is not interest and those signs are never going to be her telling you to go jump off a cliff, but she may meet up, may be nice to you, may respond to texts...so you sit there and think maybe she is interested because she didn't tell you off and spit on you. You are looking at the "signs" the wrong way. You're looking for the nugget of hope in the mountain of evidence against it. Slow texting response, becoming unavailable, not agreeing to meeting up...all of those are the sign that she probably thinks you are an ok guy, but she is not interested in you like that. When a woman is interested, it is pretty easy to tell. When you ask her on a date, she agrees and shows up. When you text her, the majority of the time she will reply fairly quickly or at least in a reasonable time. When you try to make plans, if she is busy, she will be specific about what days she is busy. She won't just say, "That whole next week I am swamped" and leave it at that. She will say that next week she is swamped but the following week Thursday or Saturday are open and she is blocking it off to see you. Women will let you know when they are interested. Whenever you get mixed signals you they are pretty much always non-interest. You can keep trying, but it sounds like this one lost interest. 3
BaileyB Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 I agree that she probably isn’t interested. Women who are really interested tend to make that known...
elaine567 Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 If she is very shy or inexperienced then she may be hopeless at showing if she is interested or not. 1
Gaeta Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 Nah, when we are interested specially young women, they like a lot of contacts and they will find all types of excuses to text a guy like sending a joke or a funny picture. It's not something you need to learn, it's viceral. They feel it and act on it. You know girls...when they fancy a guy they think about him 24-7 and watch their phone so they don't miss anything.
Gaeta Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 only starts 3 or 4 times, the last time it's been 10 days, she asked me for my instagram. But it's almost always me to start conversation I am sorry but this young woman is not interested in you in 'that way'. She sees you as a guy she has on her social network she can kill time with once in a while.
Author badg96 Posted June 2, 2019 Author Posted June 2, 2019 she sent a message saying that we can only combine something at the end of the month because she has to study for the exams, I then sent it back, asking if she was interested in me or not, she replied like this: Well, as a friend, yes. But if you are looking for something more than this, I do not want to leave with high expectations .... She could have told me that at first, she knew I wanted more than that, but I have to move on. it was two months of much time lost
Versacehottie Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 my quick guess is that she sounds not interested. I'm sorry Hang in there with what you want and keep trying. With other girls. I think there is no problem to continue talking to her but lower your expectations and make her do a bit more of the work. good luck
preraph Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 She's not interested. Realistically speaking, how many dates are you going to have to go on before you will give someone a goodnight kiss?
Lotsgoingon Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 Sorry she's not interested. Really 99.9 percent of the time, if you have to ask the question, the answer is the person is NOT interested. You're inexperienced and not socially confident yet (you can get there). In my experience, there are women out there who are fine with inexperienced guys, who will step up to help move things forward with an inexperienced guy--because they like so much about the guy. I'm afraid, she's not interested. But as others say, you might want to schedule one more fun time ... just to get some experience. When you go out, just totally relax, don't try to prove anything.
Flame Aura Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 she sent a message saying that we can only combine something at the end of the month because she has to study for the exams, I then sent it back, asking if she was interested in me or not, she replied like this: Well, as a friend, yes. But if you are looking for something more than this, I do not want to leave with high expectations .... She could have told me that at first, she knew I wanted more than that, but I have to move on. it was two months of much time lost Try not to think about her too much, keep busy and use this experience to help you in the future. Next time you ask a girl out, make sure she knows its a date not just a friendly 'hang out'. When on the date make it clear you are interested in her, ask deep questions to get to know her better, tell her how beautiful she is. Also add some physical contact such as touch her back to let her walk in front of you through a door, take her hand and compliment her on her nails or ask a question about a ring/bracelet. When you make it clear to a woman you are interested in more than just friends, you will know very soon if she feels the same. That's why its always better to take control of the situation at the start and make your intentions clear, so you don't need to waste months not knowing where you stand. 1
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