crispytoast Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 Last night I walked up into town at 1am to get some food after drinking a little bit. I met a cute lady who was at the spot getting coffee and we hit it off. Some very drunk guys rolled into the food spot acting rowdy and making a scene so we cruise out and walk around for a bit. I tell her my spot is nearby and ask if she wants to head there, she's down so we cruise there. After getting to know each other a little more, we start making out and it leads to a steamy sleepover. So now it's the morning, she threw her number into my phone and headed home a few minutes ago. She's a sweet lady and quite cute so my question is, when do I shoot her a message? Honestly I'm not trying to have a relationship at this point in my life but I'm also not trying to be rude and we got along before we hooked up so I'd be down to at least see her again.
littleblackheart Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 Well if you're not that fussed either way, you may as well not mull it over and send that text whenever you feel like it, no?
Redhead14 Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 Crispy, I think you should call her and thank her for a nice evening and be straight up honest with her -- you aren't looking for a relationship and find out "where" she's at in terms of dating goals. If she's looking for a relationship, then you're out. If she's up for casual dating including sex, great. But at least she's got a heads up. She has ownership in sleeping with a stranger and she'll have to get over it if she thinks sleeping with you should lead to more. 1
Gaeta Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 I would call or text her that you had a great night and that you are not looking for anything serious but you'd enjoy spending time with her again. Let her decide if this suits her or not. I would not go into asking her what she is looking for, just expose to her where you're standing and let her decide if it fits in her life or not. She's a grown woman who can handle one-nights, you don't need to take her by the hand. 1
rightondude Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 play it cool (what happened was extremely cool my man! You're my hero!) ... doesn't exactly sound like she's sweating a relationship either! 1
Author crispytoast Posted June 1, 2019 Author Posted June 1, 2019 @littleblackheart Im not so fussed about a relationship or anything but I do know that a well timed "hey it was good to meet you let's hang out again sometime" text could be the difference in her feeling respected or not. @redhead & gaeta I think I'll save any (non) relationship talk for if we hangout again. I guess I meant I don't want to give her the impression that I'm too eager but I also don't want her to feel like i was just trying to hit it and bail @rightondude haha thanks I don't think I've ever hooked up with someone I met that night where the night didn't have a night of clubbing or partying before it. We were quite drawn to each other and it was very spur of the moment
littleblackheart Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 I understood your question to be about the timing (as in when to get in touch) not about whether to get in touch or not. Hence my advice still stands - get in touch whenever you feel it; there is no other secret to this. My (recent) personal experience is that boundaries were explicitely established before parting ways and that further contact was not on the cards, expected or wanted so I felt respected because there was no follow-up. I'm 44 if that means anything. On the other hand, my best friend (45) had a hook up with a 27 yo 3 years expecting nothing, he called her the next day and they've been together 3 years, they just got engaged. So just go with the flow. 1
Author crispytoast Posted June 2, 2019 Author Posted June 2, 2019 Yeah but I miiightve told her that I was gonna hit her up haha oof so the expectation was established. I didn't really think about it we had just woken up and hooked up again, she was getting dressed to leave and I was very hazy and still basking in the after sex glow. Also she's 22 I imagine you might have a more mature take on it than she. But I really don't know I think this might be the first time in my life I got a woman's number after we had sex so it's uncharted territory for me. And yeah phone communication is not my strong suit lol
Beendaredonedat Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 I guess I meant I don't want to give her the impression that I'm too eager but I also don't want her to feel like i was just trying to hit it and bail I don't think anyone that goes to bed before even being sure what colour your eyes are is going to worry about whether you are/were just trying to hit it and bail. Just contact her when you're ready to go again. If she actually gave you a real number, she'll let you know if she is too.
alphamale Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 what exactly is a "steamy sleepover"? did you two shower together? 2
Author crispytoast Posted June 2, 2019 Author Posted June 2, 2019 Well I decided the best way to handle it was to shoot her a message just telling her I had a good time and I hope she's having good day. Got the same back from her and we left it at that so it leaves timetables open and I'm in a nice comfortable place now! @alphamale maybe, or maybe we made a bunch of vegetables on the stove. you're gonna have to use your imagination mate 1
smackie9 Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 Ask her out...what harm would that be? Stop over thinking it...kinda ruins things. 1
Author crispytoast Posted June 2, 2019 Author Posted June 2, 2019 Smackie what I'm saying is I'm not trying to ask her out again right now. I do want to see her again but I want to give it more than a few days so it doesn't set a precedent that we're supposed to see each other all the time. I've been neglecting dating for the last 6 or so months to focus on uni and my career and I want to allow myself the opportunity to see who else is out there instead of hopping into the first thing that it presents itself. Anyway, I'm glad where it's at. I'll probably ask her out again later in the week but for now I'm gonna grind out some more hours @ work and maybe hit the town with some friends a night or two.
alphamale Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 I've been neglecting dating for the last 6 or so months to focus on uni and my career .... work and education should always be a man's first priority...
smackie9 Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 Well that is what I mean...ask her out again whenever....you are over thinking things.....again. Maybe she's focusing on her career or whatever, and isn't looking for anything serious like yourself...you just never know. Play it by ear. I don't know about her, but when I was dating, by the second date I had a pretty good idea of the guy's intentions. If it didn't suit me I just dumped him. 1
The Outlaw Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 Opinions vary but text by the next day. Just don't over text. I learned that the hard way, but never again. 1
Author crispytoast Posted June 3, 2019 Author Posted June 3, 2019 (edited) Ok I cast the dice we'll see what she says Edited June 3, 2019 by crispytoast 1
Author crispytoast Posted June 5, 2019 Author Posted June 5, 2019 I took her on a date and it was pretty fun. We had a day out in the sun and then got dinner & drinks and went back to my place to watch movies. She's a sweet woman, we have our similarities and our differences and I'm down to see where things go. We connect very comfortably and the sex is great, especially for just getting to know each other. My main worry is she's quite a bit younger than me and our levels of life experience are different. She seems like she's still in the learning things the hard way phase of her life but it also feels like she's at the tail end of that phase. This makes me wonder whether or not I'm a lesson she's learning the hard way. Also I like her more than I want to like someone right now and I don't quite know how to feel about that. I've had a hellacious run of women since my last serious relationship ended and I'm on my guard. Thoughts?
alphamale Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 Thoughts? if she's good at oral sex definitely keep her around 1
Author crispytoast Posted June 6, 2019 Author Posted June 6, 2019 if she's good at oral sex definitely keep her around I'll keep that information to myself thanks
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