Do I leave the bf I love for years because of money fears?

[sounclear]

One of my adult children doesn't like my boyfriend and he is aware of it (my other adult child doesn't "mind" him but says he can be overwhelming and controlling sometimes). I tried getting my first adult child and him together last year and it ended badly. He is very nice guy who is ADORED (BIG TIME) by his family and life long friends, but my child doesn't trust him thinking he is out for my money - he doesn't have much (and I do have a very comfortable home and bank account, other assets and high paying job, etc.) and he did get in serious financial trouble with his business many years ago. He does pay his bills but doesn't have much to save each month so he only has a modest nest egg (and most of that was a gift).

For us to live together and tell my child to "stick it", I need to be really comfortable b/c I don't want to support him and we are both nearing retirement age.

 

He thinks I want him to move in and maybe marry him but my child is the only problem. I've told him in the past that while I really love him, I must feel he is totally financially independent before moving in and he says he is now. I disagree - he makes enough to pay his regular bills and save a little each month - he wants to pay me to share the house which is less than his current rent and then put away the difference he would have spend on rent in an account for "us" but I don't trust him to do that; I just feel he will somehow come up short.

 

He gave me a really hard time last week and got angry saying "no man would stand for this" in terms of hiding our relationship from my child who lives out of state. He is also angry saying my child is controlling HIS future. He told me he feels bad for me b/c he sees the stress I'm under trying to hide my relationship with him from my child. What he doesn't know is that my main hangup is him, not my child.

 

He suggested I tell my child that I need extra income each month and he is offering to share the household expenses (even though the amount offered is only about 20% of the actual expenses) or say I don't like my child's SO and don't wish to spend time with that person (to give the child back some of their "medicine").

 

Is this real love or a desperate attempt by him to live in my home?

 

I realize I must be honest and tell him all I feel so he understands but I'm so torn to lose him because even though he says it's not a deal breaker for now, I know his goal is to live with me now. I also know that he is a good person and would try to make me happy but not at the expense of me supporting him; I just can't do that!!

[Gaeta]

How many times do we have to repeat it?

 

He won't change

He will be a financial burden to you

There are good reasons for your children to not like him

[smackie9]

Ahhh what the hell....like my mom always says...you can't take it with you when you die, so toss caution into the wind and enjoy your life with him with all your money and all.

[crispytoast]

"No man would stand for this" and "your child is controlling MY future" are very telling signs of how he views you. He's not thinking about both of your futures, he's only thinking about his own. Definitely don't let him move in with you and I urge you to take a very thorough look at your relationship and think about whether or not you want someone like him in your life.

[kendahke]

I have the same answer as always. Go back and re-read your locked threads.

[amaysngrace]

Don’t move him in. He’s projecting all his guilt and saying it’s your child, not him.

 

Screw him if he doesn’t like your child. There’s plenty more men but you only have two children. For him to try to put a wedge between you and your son is not loving. If you need companionship get a dog.