32 year old doctor never been in a relationship and finding it difficult to find anyo

June 2, 2019

So - first things first, suggest you talk to a therapist about your depression and other feelings.

Don't give up hope - many people "settle" in fact I've read that for most people "settling" is how marriage and kids get done. Not having a wife (or husband) at the level one would like DOES NOT AT ALL MEAN that life isn't worth living.

Although it's not something I would recommend, if you really truly feel that you are simply too unattractive, you might consider plastic surgery from a very skilled plastic surgeon if that's a possible option for you.

However, I'll tell you I firmly believe that even attractive men can have a lot of difficulty with women if they have no self-confidence - this is normally visible through body language (which many women are quite sensitive to) as well as in conversation. So, you'll absolutely want to work on that, first with therapy AND then with the types of gradual sequential steps Garcon described.

It sounds like for you quick results are not a reasonable expectation. That doesn't at all mean that gradual results won't work. Think about taking a 1% improvement per day approach. Keep that 1% improvement going consistently and you tend to get there in the end.

Once you're at a point where you can apply the following advice - I'd strongly suggest as part of this you work on your body language so that you project confidence. This will include posture, mannerisms to a certain extent, and the way you walk. As ridiculous as it sounds to a male, developing a sexy walk can have some amazing results with some women. So, suggest you incorporate body language into your gradual overhaul.

I'm average looking. I have height 6'1 but I do not have a jawline or features of a Chad. I think my biggest issue is I look a little too serious and ppl say I never smile. If I smiled more I guess I'd be warmer to be around. Iv not had an easy life. I guess I'm a sensitive individual. My biggest issue is my head right now as far as my career is concerned theres a few issues going on which is stressful. I guess women see a guy whos way too serious doesn't really smile etc and are thrown off a bit. If I was a little warmer and let my guard down I'm sure it would eventually attract the right person. But I've been like this since a teenager. I'd also describe myself as a little introverted. When I have a bad spell I csnt really see the silver lining. As far as interests go I do travel occasionally but I wouldnt say I do anything which I'd describe as exciting.

Edited June 2, 2019 by Bluecheesenofleas

June 2, 2019

While I empathize with you as a fellow physician, I would say most physicians lives are stressful. Is there a additional method that you can use to help destress?

You definitely need to work on your smiling as hard as you worked on your United States medical licensing examination. The smile and the open body language are critically important to getting a new friend. Have you ever enjoyed speaking with a United States customs and border protection officer? Women get the same feeling if you try to speak with them with a stern face.

Women have a very strong sense of body language, and can sense your negative self talk and low self-esteem without you having to explicitly tell them. They are trained from a young age to know how to do this as a basic survival skill.

You will need to at least speak with a good friend about your negative self image and negative self esteem if you want to have any chance of fixing the situation that you are in. Otherwise this whole conversation is a waste of ATP.

June 2, 2019

While I empathize with you as a fellow physician, I would say most physicians lives are stressful. Is there a additional method that you can use to help destress?

You definitely need to work on your smiling as hard as you worked on your United States medical licensing examination. The smile and the open body language are critically important to getting a new friend. Have you ever enjoyed speaking with a United States customs and border protection officer? Women get the same feeling if you try to speak with them with a stern face.

Women have a very strong sense of body language, and can sense your negative self talk and low self-esteem without you having to explicitly tell them. They are trained from a young age to know how to do this as a basic survival skill.

You will need to at least speak with a good friend about your negative self image and negative self esteem if you want to have any chance of fixing the situation that you are in. Otherwise this whole conversation is a waste of ATP.

I'm from the UK. I've had a conversation with my friend and he thinks I may need to think about dropping my standards. He says my confidence is an issue. But i think he feels that I dont have a chance with attractive women due to the options attractive women essentially have. Hes told me that i need to pick up hobbies and try and he exciting. He says my lack of success is due partly to the fact that I may not he considered hot enough and due to other cirumstances such as low self esteem and low energy.

June 2, 2019

I have done landmark too. I didn't make it past the intro offer session because I could tell it was a bunch of hooey. I didn't waste $1500. Because you did, I can see why you are so bitter. That stuff is not helpful.

What I am talking about is a one on one thing. Check out something like this: https://www.lifecoach-directory.org.uk/region-london.html I think you would do better with a male coach Think of these people more like private tutors that you may have hired when you were in school for a subject that was particularly vexing.

FWIW, I think you would do better with a male coach. Stay away from anybody who has been on TV or who advertises themselves as the best dating coach. That's more landmark hype.

If nothing else the fact that you are from the UK should be an asset. The accent alone should be a panty dropper. A 6'1 doctor doesn't sound like a slouch. Do listen to your friend & smile more. You have to be approachable. Serious is fine but add warmth. When you walk around with a black cloud over your head, you radiate this energy that screams stay away. People pick up on that.

Can you tweak your bedside manner to become softer in your approach to people in general. I'm sure you have some sensitive side to put patients at easy especially when you have to deliver bad news.

June 2, 2019

Just read your last post about how you never smile. Good grief! This is completely within your control and you're too self-defeating to just effing smile and be more approachable. This has nothing to do with the women or the other men and it has everything to do with you deciding you're too set in your ways to open up a bit and try something you've never tried before which is look up and smile and be friendly and approachable. I don't know if you're an introvert or not but you are certainly bitter and blaming everybody else for a problem that you can single-handedly fix yourself. You and only you are in control of what you and your body does, what you and your body says to other people. this doesn't have to do with society or anything else. It's you. You've decided to be a failure. you've decided it's beliw you to take control of your own face and smile and try to be friendly to people. Instead you think some poor woman should look at that sourpuss of yours and go, Ooh, I want to break off a piece of that!

You don't want to succeed. You want to wallow.

Being an unfriendly unsmiling dark antisocial person is not going to make you a successful doctor either, so you better take control of your life and your face, and fake it till you make it. And you need to be in therapy and stay in it.

You are the only one in control of your fate. You can be whoever you decide you want to be. If you can envision it you can be it. if you can't even envision it again you need to be in therapy for a good long while. Because I'm afraid that's where you're at right now. Healer heal thyself.

June 2, 2019

Interesting one again.

you appear to be very hard on yourself, your problem while seemingly insurmountable now is probably fairly easily solved really,

it would appear that "finding the fun" is the key for you, look at pursuing a few hobbies that you enjoy and perhaps one that will attract female members as well as male,

I think your outlook for now should be based on lightening the mood, going out trying to have a bit of a laugh and so on. try to meet a few new people along the way and just relax,

your 32 is it, I mean no reason to panic yet, you could set yourself 3 years at building your confidence before you really go all out to find a woman.

lol what is a good looking man at the end of the day, I think women are more attracted to personality really,

it does not go smoothly for a lot of us guys, I have bad days myself, I think I wrote quite negatively on one post here about my dating experiences. I am six years older than you, fair enough I have had relationships and so on but am still searching for "the one"

I love meeting new women though, I think it is really nice meeting a new lady and getting to know her. It is odds against that there will be a romantic development but what the hell I am out enjoying lovely female company.

My favourite ever girl, I met her on a train and opened with the quite unimaginative "well you are not from around here"

do not be afraid to speak to women, smile at them, "put chat on them" as we say here across the water from you.

you will get the few odd looks along the way, some women will just be too wrapped up in their own lives to be interested in you, but on the other hand a few will be happy to talk to you,

and look being a Doctor should give you a head start on most guys. women love Doctors at the end of the day.(maybe not nurses though!!)

if you have not had much sexual experiences this maybe is causing you anxiety but look what the hell there are other guys in the same boat.

it will happen eventually and you have still plenty of time.

June 2, 2019

If you came to Mississippi even on vacation, I could bet you would get dates just by speaking in a British accent. If you could smile, you would have won half the battle. You need to spend time actively eliminating your negativity.

June 2, 2019

Hmm. I'm gonna suggest forgetting about the hobbies - you're already busy enough. Instead, focus on the GENUINE self confidence (over time) and also on projecting a (not so genuine, but who cares you're trying to get laid here) confident, relaxed, devil-may-care type of attitude.

You already have the earnings power. Now you want your body language to project that you are a confident stud. It's easier said than done, but go slowly and along with the other advice above you should be able to get this done in time.

June 2, 2019

I really like the suggestion Garcon made about just talking to someone every day- and you are in a prime position to do that working in a hospital.

I also work in a hospital as a pharmacist- and I used to have a lot of confidence issues talking to new people- but the environment you are in will force you in to speaking to a lot of people. It's a multidisciplinary team after all!

I started off just talking drugs and treatment plans on ward rounds with the drs (mainly the juniors) and then people recognise you- smile in the corridor- then say hi etc. Small talk eventually begins when they make jokes about giving you a last minute discharge/TTA as you are about to go home then it becomes a chat about your weekends etc.

I used to be rotational- so I used to see the same juniors about with my rotations. People get chatting! I know of 3 dr/pharmacist pairings within my dept!

Equally- there are so many people about- I shared my desk with some physios for a bit- now we chat and they always offer me coffee on their break.

Also- 32 isn't old for lacking experience. My BF is a teacher- he was 28, a virgin and last girlfriend was when he was 18. He's definitely not lacking experience now and it hasn't held him back. He didn't have that much confidence with girls (nearly became a Catholic priest- which is a whole other story) and his hobbies didn't usually involve many women about! But he became this amazing well rounded person in terms of hobbies, ambitions and just behaviour. So use the time single to your advantage!

Plus- I've said it before- but Speed Dating! I met my BF at a Speed Dating event. Slow Dating is a company in the UK that operates in loads of cities. A number of my friends have since been who were pretty shy and said it all gave them more confidence just chatting to people and feeling attractive.

Good luck

June 3, 2019

I think you are either going for women that are out of your league, or there is something about your game that is turning women off. None of us can tell those things without seeing your picture or seeing how you interact with women.

Edited June 4, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

June 3, 2019

The more important question is if you are motivated to change yet? And if not, why not?

Edited June 4, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

June 3, 2019

I can only speak as honest as I can. I'm always trying my best to be a better man. I'm self aware. Unfortunately the experiences I've had with interacting with women on apps and in events. Has destroyed my confidence completely. I'm finding it difficult to settle for someone I'm not attracted to its creating allot of discourse within me. I know there is no real quick fix and things take time. But sometimes it feels like im racing against the clock. I know the older I get the more disinterested women will be.

Edited June 4, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote removed

June 3, 2019

So you're a doctor and you can't get women?

That's strange, unless you are really shooting for women outside your attractiveness range, even correcting for your doctor status. Also, it could be your personality.

You got great advice here, maybe you need some therapy to figure out what your hung ups are.

June 3, 2019

Alright, I believe you if you say so bro. There's a guy that posts here about how he has everything a girl could ever dream of (looks, money, status, muscles), but he can't get a GF because he's not a giga-Chad. No matter what advice is given, the guy gives an excuse why it won't work for him. It's just frustrating because some posters spend their time writing up a really good response and the poster I'm referencing just shrugs it off. Every week or so he starts a new account, switches up some of the variables (but it's always a high paying job), and gives the same story about having no success with women.

That isnt me. Someone told me to get a life coach to try and enhance my confidence and get to the bottom of stuff. I'm seeing one tomorrow evening. I'm coachable. I dont whinge for the sake of it

June 3, 2019

Bloody get cracking at this mate, we'll never be able to date Melissa Theuriau, but there's bound to be women out there that will like what we have to offer.

Know the power of forgiveness in healing negative self thinking. Forgive yourself for not having the skill to hit on women. Forgive others for rejecting you, not because it was insulting, but because it allows you to be free.

Then start talking with women constantly about their interests, starting with those closest to your social circle, so you have some idea of what the like to talk about. Start simple.

June 3, 2019

So you're a doctor and you can't get women?

That's strange, unless you are really shooting for women outside your attractiveness range, even correcting for your doctor status. Also, it could be your personality.

You got great advice here, maybe you need some therapy to figure out what your hung ups are.

Deep down I think i am unattractive based on the results because it doesnt really make any sense. A 32 year old doctor in his prime who literally gets rejected.

That's the main thing I'm hung up about. No matter how much I work on myself I'm still 10 steps behind Chad. My degree or status doesnt mean ****.

June 3, 2019

Women do not care what you know as far as book knowledge. Not one bit. I failed on this hill multiple times, and the women ran the other way without me knowing why.

Now I know women value the ability to make them feel good much more than my skill level (at least in the initial dating stages). You need to work on disarming people with charm and warmth first. Otherwise you'll never get your stage to advertise your caring and doctoring skills.

At this point women are wordlessly telling you, "Bluecheesenofleas, you make me feel like I am talking to a British Border Patrol officer, rather than an interesting gentleman". I bet you 10 quid that's exactly what they are thinking regardless of how attractive you are. Nobody wants to chat with a Border Patrol officer longer than they are forced to.

Try to change the impression to the experience of talking with Richard Hammond, Rob Brydon, or Bob Mortimer, at least a little bit. You'll definitely get nowhere if you fail to smile or at least put people to ease from a conversational standpoint. Take an inventory of what women like to talk about and get familiar with those topics.

June 3, 2019

Hard to smile when one is depressed. Do you know the cause of depression? Is it because of this issue or something else? Or perhaps they're separate issues that are both feeding off each other. It's hard to date, and go through rejections, relationships and breakups if you're already depressed.

If a guy doesn't smile much then it's hard for me to let my guard down, and I also assume he's not interested. But I would give him a chance if he asked me for a date and if he gradually warms that's fine. If he stayed stony faced on the first few dates I'm not too sure.

June 3, 2019

Deep down I think i am unattractive based on the results because it doesnt really make any sense. A 32 year old doctor in his prime who literally gets rejected.
That's the main thing I'm hung up about. No matter how much I work on myself I'm still 10 steps behind Chad. My degree or status doesnt mean ****.

By George, I think it's got it! You are absolutely correct that your degree and status means little. Women don't date your degree, they date you for what your personality has to offer.

Not only that, but when you meet a new woman, she has no idea what you do for a job. This comes out in conversation, but you need to get chatting with her first for that conversation to happen. Now, about getting the conversation happening.....you said earlier that you don't smile. The resulting unfriendly face would easily account for women giving you a frown when they don't know you. Assuming you have a half decent haircut and styling, an open and friendly face is the biggest asset you can have.

If depression is holding you back, you need to access mental health care before being in a relationship. Always bring your best self to a new relationship.

June 3, 2019

That's the main thing I'm hung up about. No matter how much I work on myself I'm still 10 steps behind Chad. My degree or status doesnt mean ****.

What is your type "looks wise" that you are attracted to?

June 4, 2019

What is your type "looks wise" that you are attracted to?

Petite, with assessts.

June 4, 2019

Are you open to dating anyone who may be a bit taller or not have quite the same amount of assets?

June 4, 2019

Are you open to dating anyone who may be a bit taller or not have quite the same amount of assets?

Assets are important hight isnt that much of an issue.

June 4, 2019

What kind of assets are we talking about here? Are we talking about financial assets or are you refusing to date anyone who's got less than a D cup?

June 4, 2019

What kind of assets are we talking about here? Are we talking about financial assets or are you refusing to date anyone who's got less than a D cup?

Given that he spelled assets with about 6 s's I suspect he is looking for big boobs.

Here's a suggestion doc: date a woman whose personality you like. I'm sure you can buy her stripper sized implants later. If you find a colleague from med school who went into plastics you may even be able to get a discount.

Again, given this aspect of things, your outward looks have nothing to do with why you can't find love. Your inner beauty is nonexistent. Work on being a good person who cares about more then the superficial & the world will be your oyster. Until the you will continue to be miserable.

Sign In

32 year old doctor never been in a relationship and finding it difficult to find anyo

Recommended Posts

Bluecheesenofleas

Garcon1986

Bluecheesenofleas

d0nnivain

preraph

Foxhall

Garcon1986

mark clemson

Penguin_hugs

TheFinalWord

Garcon1986

Bluecheesenofleas

BluEyeL

Bluecheesenofleas

Garcon1986

Bluecheesenofleas

Garcon1986

guest569

basil67

stillafool

Bluecheesenofleas

basil67

Bluecheesenofleas

basil67

d0nnivain

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...