CoolName4443 Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 So I was sort of friends with a coworker. We spent a lot of time working together. But the job was temp and over about a month ago. We never hung out outside work, but at would got along well, talked about personal stuff and joked around some. I was not sure if she liked me...it seemed like maybe. It was kind of funny too, because one day she randomly called me hun the entire day. I know women do that and it doesn't mean anything. Anyway. I hadn't seen her in a couple weeks, since work ended. But she kept popping into my head here and there. So one day I just decided that I'll just come out and say it, just to at least get it off my chest. So I texted her to admit that I had been attracted to her when we were working together. And I hope it's not weird for her to hear. She replied, "thank you. That feels good to hear." She was going out of town, so I said have a nice trip and I'll talk to you later. She's a nice person. So I am not sure if she was being nice and not wanting to give a direct let down. Would you tell someone you liked back, "that feels good to hear" when they say they like you? I did make it clear that I liked her romantically and not as friends. But if this was just a very nice let down...like thanks for the compliment. Then I don't want to push for more. So would you say it felt good to be told someone likes you, if you don't feel anything more than friends towards them? She really didn't say she liked me, so it seems unclear.
basil67 Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 Argh, you should also have asked her on a date in order to get a Yes or No response. It's not to late to do it now, just a little more awkward. Regarding her response: if it had been me, and I was interested, I would have said that I felt the same way. But I am very forward....and would probably have flirted with you on the job. Perhaps a more shy woman wouldn't be so forthcoming. 1
Author CoolName4443 Posted June 1, 2019 Author Posted June 1, 2019 Argh, you should also have asked her on a date in order to get a Yes or No response. It's not to late to do it now, just a little more awkward. Regarding her response: if it had been me, and I was interested, I would have said that I felt the same way. But I am very forward....and would probably have flirted with you on the job. Perhaps a more shy woman wouldn't be so forthcoming. yeah, i would do the same. but, the response "that feels good to here" is so ambiguous. I had been told by at least a couple friends things like "I want to be your gf" or "I'm in love with you." or and Ex trying to put their arms around me. All of this in person. I didn't see any of it coming and it wasn't what I wanted for sure. I never said anything like it was good to hear these things. I'd feel like that would be giving them hope. I simply told then it wasn't something I wanted. So I'm a little puzzled by her saying, "It feels good to hear" I would expect after putting myself out there, I would get a clear answer. All that makes sense is that she couldn't for some reason tell me "no" I don't know. Seems like she was flattered at least and couldn't tell me one way or another what she felt about me. I know she didn't see it coming, because who expects to get a message like that from an Ex coworker who they hadn't talked to for a couple weeks.
d0nnivain Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 Ugh. Declarations about feelings that come out of the blue are rarely welcome. The fact that you did this by text just makes me cringe. You would have been so much better off if you reached out & said you had been thinking about her so you wondered if she was free to meet for a coffee or a drink. Then when you saw her & had the ability to read her body language you could have worked your confession into the conversation. The problem with text is that you deprived yourself of all the non-verbal cues which actually make up 90% of all communication. Never do that to yourself again & you won't find yourself in this wondering no-man's land. At this point, you know she's out of town. Leave her be. If you know when she is coming back, you can send 1 message asking how the trip was but do nothing else. Let her respond to your declaration. If she doesn't then you know it was unwelcome & you should leave her alone. 2
Author CoolName4443 Posted June 1, 2019 Author Posted June 1, 2019 Ugh. Declarations about feelings that come out of the blue are rarely welcome. The fact that you did this by text just makes me cringe. You would have been so much better off if you reached out & said you had been thinking about her so you wondered if she was free to meet for a coffee or a drink. Then when you saw her & had the ability to read her body language you could have worked your confession into the conversation. The problem with text is that you deprived yourself of all the non-verbal cues which actually make up 90% of all communication. Never do that to yourself again & you won't find yourself in this wondering no-man's land. At this point, you know she's out of town. Leave her be. If you know when she is coming back, you can send 1 message asking how the trip was but do nothing else. Let her respond to your declaration. If she doesn't then you know it was unwelcome & you should leave her alone. Yeah, I figured from the beginning that there was low chance of success, due to this being out of the blue. Part of why I did it, was that it feels better not to hold it in. With knowing her from work, I had to act professionally around her, to prevent myself from flirting, so I wouldn't make an uncomfortable work environment. So it actually made me feel better to be able to say something later, regardless if it leads to something. But yeah, this situation is much more awkward than women I have met outside of work. Oh well. I think nothing will come of it. I think I will just take it as a sign that I need to make for efforts in meeting people outside of work.
The Outlaw Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 It takes guts to admit that in any case, but you likely caught her off guard given her response. Should she respond back at a later date, great. But best to just leave it where you left it. Don't send any more texts because it may make it more awkward for her. 2
Author CoolName4443 Posted June 1, 2019 Author Posted June 1, 2019 It takes guts to admit that in any case, but you likely caught her off guard given her response. Should she respond back at a later date, great. But best to just leave it where you left it. Don't send any more texts because it may make it more awkward for her. Thanks. Half of why I did it, is because I want to experience more risks. The feeling of "what if" is really worse. And what I said to her isn't even as bad as what I have experienced from others. I have turned friends down and had them persist and even had them not believe I didn't like them back. Most of us have been through similar experiences. This was about a week ago. I was on the fence if I was going to keep trying to talk to her. But I decided a couple days ago to do what you said, and not text her. If on the off chance she does text me, then I'll see what she is interested in.
Author CoolName4443 Posted June 1, 2019 Author Posted June 1, 2019 There's a reasonable chance I will run into her in person eventually. I can't avoid that, since we live only about 3 blocks away from each other. If this happens and we never talk before that, I am thinking I should at least say Hi and very minimal small talk that one would say if running into an acquaintance. Most of the time that we would talk at work, it would include talking about non work related topics. Some talk got a little more personal than what would normally happen with a coworker. So it would seem like if I did run into her in a month or 6 months from now, I should say hi..and of course not mention anything about me having said I liked her.
preraph Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 Look, every woman is different, but if a guy said that to me that I was attracted to, I wouldn't say "That's good to hear." I have a sense of humor, so I'd have said, "So what are you going to do about it?" Anyway, she has your phone number sounds like, so I think that was just her brushing you off and not encouraging you, BUT if she has second thoughts about it because of being caught off guard, she knows where to find you and all she'd have to do is initiate a text to you, and in my opinion, she wouldn't text you at all now if she isn't a little interested, so if she does text just to say hi (don't you text her now though), then you should ask her out. 1
basil67 Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 Her response was ambiguous because you didn't ask her a question. Without a question, she's not compelled to give an answer. As it stands, she could be either not interested or old fashioned and wanting you to chase her. 2
d0nnivain Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 If you bump into her & haven't talked, do say hello & make banal small talk. Act like you never said anything to minimize awkwardness. 2
Author CoolName4443 Posted June 2, 2019 Author Posted June 2, 2019 Her response was ambiguous because you didn't ask her a question. Without a question, she's not compelled to give an answer. As it stands, she could be either not interested or old fashioned and wanting you to chase her. Yeah that's true. I didn't ask. I don't think I like meeting someone at work. It starts out like anything like that is either inappropriate or problematic due to working together. Things like meeting through friends, the internet or a club have been easier. I'm definitely bad at making anything happen with someone I like at work. It so bad, its's almost funny. 1
CC12 Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 So one day I just decided that I'll just come out and say it, just to at least get it off my chest. Part of why I did it, was that it feels better not to hold it in. Before you do this again, I think you need to consider how the person on the receiving end might feel. You're saying that you did this to get it off your chest so you wouldn't be holding it in. Sounds great for you, but what about her? Next time, you should ask yourself, "How would this benefit the other person?" I guess you might say that it benefits her because she now knows that someone was attracted to her, but what is she actually supposed to do with this information you've thrown at her? You didn't ask her out, you didn't ask how she feels, you didn't really solicit her participation at all. You just blurted out your feelings: "I like you, hope that's not weird to hear." You didn't give her much to work with. So her reply of, "Thanks, that feels good to hear" is pretty much the best you could expect from your clumsy attempt at romancing her. Next time, please don't just blurt out your feelings. Instead, ask girls out on a date. "Want to go to a movie Friday at 7?" It requires a little bit of balls, but you'll usually get a straightforward answer right then, and then you'll know whether she's interested or not and you won't have to do this weird thing where you have to interpret a vague answer to your strange question/statement. If you talk to her again, just ask her if she wants to go to a movie or get coffee or have lunch. 1
The Outlaw Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 Thanks. Half of why I did it, is because I want to experience more risks. The feeling of "what if" is really worse. And what I said to her isn't even as bad as what I have experienced from others. I have turned friends down and had them persist and even had them not believe I didn't like them back. Most of us have been through similar experiences. This was about a week ago. I was on the fence if I was going to keep trying to talk to her. But I decided a couple days ago to do what you said, and not text her. If on the off chance she does text me, then I'll see what she is interested in. If she does, cool. If not, move on. Good luck in any case.
Author CoolName4443 Posted June 2, 2019 Author Posted June 2, 2019 I just heard from someone who knows her that she started dating someone about a month ago. So I guess it didn't matter. I wouldn't have asked her out while working with her anyway. I don't know if they are exclusive. But I decided to let this go. 1
The Outlaw Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 I just heard from someone who knows her that she started dating someone about a month ago. So I guess it didn't matter. I wouldn't have asked her out while working with her anyway. I don't know if they are exclusive. But I decided to let this go. I'm sorry man. That stings. But at least now you know.
Author CoolName4443 Posted June 3, 2019 Author Posted June 3, 2019 I'm sorry man. That stings. But at least now you know. Thanks. It's not really a big deal. We didn't even have one date. I've been through a lot worse, so can't really get too upset over this.
Fekenaws Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 My vibes are that she isn't interested. If a girl told me she liked me and I had any remote feelings for her, I would at least invite her out on a date or back to my place. Without experience, it's difficult to read between the lines, but with my staggering amount of rejections I've stumbled through in the past, I would read her "Thank you for the compliment. That's nice. See you at work." as actually saying "I don't feel the same, but let's be friendly in the future to keep this from being weird." This is especially true because the workplace is involved.
d0nnivain Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 I just heard from someone who knows her that she started dating someone about a month ago. So I guess it didn't matter. I wouldn't have asked her out while working with her anyway. I don't know if they are exclusive. But I decided to let this go. I'm glad you're letting it go. But now you know why you got a chilly reception. Your timing was off. She is trying to make it work with somebody else. Try to see it in that light rather than as a straight rejection of you as a person.
Author CoolName4443 Posted June 3, 2019 Author Posted June 3, 2019 I'm glad you're letting it go. But now you know why you got a chilly reception. Your timing was off. She is trying to make it work with somebody else. Try to see it in that light rather than as a straight rejection of you as a person. Yeah, could due to timing. I also may not be her type....I will probably never know. I did get the feeling she liked me though, so I still have to go with my gut on that since I have mostly been right in the past. Only other possibility is that she is a friendly person who flirts for fun and that gave her something to do to pass the time at work. I don't take rejection all that personally. It happens to everyone, even her. I have gotten my fair share of non-rejections. If I really want more non-rejections, then that is on me to make that happen.
Tamfana Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 Yeah that's true. I didn't ask. I don't think I like meeting someone at work. It starts out like anything like that is either inappropriate or problematic due to working together. Yeah, which is why so many people avoid complicating their work life by pursuing people at work. It so often just makes things awkward and the good, friendly interaction disappears. Both parties rely on work to pay their bills. I can't see risking that.
emeraldgreen Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 Admit implies someone actually wanted to know that information. Next time, show - don't tell.
Author CoolName4443 Posted June 4, 2019 Author Posted June 4, 2019 Admit implies someone actually wanted to know that information. Next time, show - don't tell. She was being very open with me and sharing personal info to the level you would expect from close friends. I'm very private with new people. She had once noticed I was thinking about something while talking to her. She said that if I tell her things she will keep it to herself. So I don't know exactly what she was getting at. But she wanted me to open up more and I didn't. That's why I said I admitted I liked her.
Author CoolName4443 Posted June 4, 2019 Author Posted June 4, 2019 I managed to turn it around. I text her. She replied. And we decided to talk tomorrow. I'm happy, I missed her, even if just friends. I was actually really sad she was gone. 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 (edited) That's great, Cool! I've got a different perspective than the rest of the folks on the thread, I think. If I got a text from a guy I might could like, like the one you sent her I very well might reply, "That feels good," if there was a possibility I could get something going with him. I would then expect him to follow up, just as you have done. I'm not a woman who would take the initiative even after a guy sent me a text telling me he likes me. I'm a big flirt, but for some reason I'm not a woman who, in the beginning of the relationship, will reach out at all. I like to be pursued and if I told someone "That feels good," about a compliment it would mean I'm open to being pursued. If someone would tell me they like me and I didn't want to be pursued, I'd probably say, "Awww, thanks." or even, "Oh, yeah? Not sure what to say about that." I would definitely not say, "That feels good." I'm only one person, though, seems all the other women on the thread think her response was meh. So, don't want to get your hopes up too high about the talk tomorrow, but I think it's cool you followed up! Editing this to add, though I said, "That feels good," would mean I'm open to being pursued, it doesn't necessarily mean I would definitely fall in love! It's just a beginning of possibly getting to know someone a little better... Edited June 4, 2019 by LivingWaterPlease 1
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