Rayce Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 Rayce those moments you give up what’s the difference from when you try? Stop checking your inbox and stop going out with the mindset of meeting anyone new? Yes I stop checking the inbox and usually deactivate my dating profiles. I still go out. I always have the mindset of meeting some new. I am very outgoing and friendly. I can strike up a conversation where ever I am with whoever is around. 3
rightondude Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 It’s one thing to try, get discouraged, and stop trying and don’t care if it happens or not. It’s another to try and try and try and get no results but keep trying. That’s not a fear for me now but that would be a fear if I experienced trying over and over again with no results. Correct. And after time and time again of crap results, you realize it's either something wrong with you or just the medium itself (online dating) which presents women with 10000's of choices to men's 1. Putting myself in a woman's shoes, if I'm on a game show, and I had 10000 doors to choose from, and door one opened up to a nice gas grill, I'd have a tough time not wanting to peek behind at least a few other doors. So that's why I'm (pretty much) done with online dating. I'll leave my profile up, check in and just see what happens, but I'm done thinking i'll actually meet someone of substance from there. I've now met 2 women from "real life" and they've also flaked so....I'm just chilling out for the interim. Maybe I'll figure out things that need changing from my side.
Sunlight72 Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 lol... this made me laugh because I'm wondering what is fake about working out at the gym? lol... "they do real stuff".. What is real stuff? Let me try some of that. I know what you're saying Working out is definitely not just watching TV. I think 'fake' isn't the right term, but it is 'practice'. It's definitely positive, but it's practice. Real stuff would be bucking hay bales, swimming in the ocean, putting up a fence, hiking somewhere - making forward motion as opposed to a treadmill where your feet move, but your mind is not calculating where your feet will step, how far you can go before it gets too steep, can you see that cool plateau if you keep going an extra 1/4 mile? Will it rain on you before you get back to the trailhead? It's not exactly predictable. In a gym setting it's very controlled. Doing something 'real' has little unseen challenges that take a more active mental engagement and make it an interesting experience just like most of real life. Not a timed, counted format. Having said that, working out is good, and I work out a few times a week too. 2
chillii Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 (edited) lol... this made me laugh because I'm wondering what is fake about working out at the gym? lol... "they do real stuff".. What is real stuff? Let me try some of that. Ahh , didn't mean it like that. But maybe it's just me because l've never been into a gym in my life. But l've just never thought of gym as an actual hobby, more like a torture haha. l do run sometimes , but it ain't no hobby , l actually hate it, l just try to push myself to do it because it does me so much good. But eh , so many people on forums seem to gym maybe it is a hobby l don't really know. ps, But funny l always thought gyms would be a great social thing and way of meeting people but surprisingly, don't hear much about that side of it. Edited June 2, 2019 by chillii
Gretchen12 Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 OP I'm in my 50's living in LA. I don't feel I'll be alone. Living in a big metropolitan area means you can meet a lot of new people. As for relationships, it's important to know exactly why you're single. There is a reason and it's always you, not bad luck, not the opposite gender. It could be one is single by choice and only wants a relationship in principle. It could be because one has grown cynical or pessimistic or one is eccentric. Once you know exactly what's going on, you know what to do if you want to do that. 1
chillii Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 (edited) Correct. And after time and time again of crap results, you realize it's either something wrong with you or just the medium itself (online dating) which presents women with 10000's of choices to men's 1. Putting myself in a woman's shoes, if I'm on a game show, and I had 10000 doors to choose from, and door one opened up to a nice gas grill, I'd have a tough time not wanting to peek behind at least a few other doors. So that's why I'm (pretty much) done with online dating. I'll leave my profile up, check in and just see what happens, but I'm done thinking i'll actually meet someone of substance from there. I've now met 2 women from "real life" and they've also flaked so....I'm just chilling out for the interim. Maybe I'll figure out things that need changing from my side. Doesn't matter how many choices they appear to have, it's an allusion, window shopping without any real money. Rarely leads to anything from what l see and you see them all over ls to with the guys , even in this thread, having all the same problems. And why even the best ones are still often on 3 or 4 date sites at once ad often for years and years. In the end l don;t think it's any easier for anyone myself from what l've seen. Edited June 2, 2019 by chillii 2
Rayce Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 I know what you're saying Working out is definitely not just watching TV. I think 'fake' isn't the right term, but it is 'practice'. It's definitely positive, but it's practice. Real stuff would be bucking hay bales, swimming in the ocean, putting up a fence, hiking somewhere - making forward motion as opposed to a treadmill where your feet move, but your mind is not calculating where your feet will step, how far you can go before it gets too steep, can you see that cool plateau if you keep going an extra 1/4 mile? Will it rain on you before you get back to the trailhead? It's not exactly predictable. In a gym setting it's very controlled. Doing something 'real' has little unseen challenges that take a more active mental engagement and make it an interesting experience just like most of real life. Not a timed, counted format. Having said that, working out is good, and I work out a few times a week too. ok... if you want to make that comparison I suppose but...I'm not going to buck any hay... lol... and I don't do the treadmill... I walk on all my breaks and at lunchtime for that. I'm doing a total body workout with abs... using lite weights. I think it's a "real" as building a fence... in that it is moving forward. I never know what the instructor is going to push me to do... I like it when my body is moving. I feel better and my body looks pretty good... better than just sitting around drinking beer all the time. 1
Veronica73 Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 I used to work out regularly, and should do so more. Most definitely. I think it’s healthy. But yeah...a gym rat or body builder. No thank you. Especially the body builder part. In my experience, these people tend to be incredibly vain. Do you really have nothing better to do with your life than perfect your body? It really does seem to become all-consuming with a lot of these people and...it’s not attractive to me. At all.
Blanco Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 No, but as I enter my mid-30s, I'm accepting of the fact that I'll be doing the wife and kids thing a good amount later than all of my friends. As a guy, I don't feel quite as much pressure to make it happen sooner than later, but it can be a little deflating at times. However, I see so many mediocre or outright bad relationships and marriages around me that I know it's best to not rush the process of finding someone I'm really compatible to build a life with. 1
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