john9999 Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 After a failed marriage, single for 6 years, then a failed engagement,,, as a 52 year old man I’m starting to think I’m just not meant to be with a woman for long term. I am getting more okay with this as time goes on. Dating has become a nightmare, especially here in Los Angeles. I have my grown children, my business and friends and maybe that has to be good enough. This is not meant to be a woe is me post. I just honestly think that I could be alone for rest of my life and that is okay. Who else feels this way? 2
Rayce Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 Me... been single over 30 years now; 20 years since my last real relationship; dating far and few between. Seattle is even worst. Check out this article in today's paper. https://www.seattletimes.com/life/lifestyle/seattle-freeze-forget-making-friends-half-of-washington-residents-dont-even-want-to-talk-to-you/
Iris The Butterfly Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 (edited) There are many times I’ve felt that way. Seeing that you’ve had long term relationships means it is likely you’ll find that again. Same for me. When I got down on myself thinking I’ll never fall in love again or I’ll be single forever, something always seemed to come up. Don’t lose hope. Get involved in social activities to meet women with similar interests. Making friends will introduce you to mutual female friends. Or you could go on vacation and meet someone. Or meet someone in your work networking, a class, etc. online dating is a joke to me although I met my bf online. It’s an avenue worth exploring. You never know. Edited June 1, 2019 by littlebridge
Author john9999 Posted June 1, 2019 Author Posted June 1, 2019 (edited) online dating is a joke to me although I met my bf online. It’s an avenue worth exploring. You never know. Online dating has run its course. All of my guy friends are coupled up or married. To me it’s like God is cruel joke on humanity. We are hardwired to be with someone else but then it turns out to be an extremely difficult thing to pull off Edited June 1, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
chillii Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 Man if your ok with it then why not. l'm 50s , went through a marriage and came out wondering all similar things still am. Pretty well alone 3 or 4 yrs after, choice. l do like being with someone rather than single, l like that life better and the closeness with my partner and life as two, but l do also have trouble with that as well and think a lot about it now. lifes def' way easier and hassle free alone for sure. So l dunno. l'm with someone very special now , l would marry her for sure,but because of what we have and l would mostly love to share my life with her in most ways. But there is just one very big road block and l'm not sure if we'll get around that or not. lf we didn't or can't get around it though, then l really don't think l could be fkd with any more women bs or be bothered starting over. Think l'd just go it alone.
Iris The Butterfly Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 (edited) Trust me I know. I’m in my 30s and all my friends are married or coupled. Few single friends anymore. I’ve been through periods feeling the same way you are. I’ve had three long term relationships that failed, and two proposals and never married at 35. I’ve certainly felt hopeless too. All I want is one person forever and I’ve never lost sight of that goal. I also like being in a long term serious relationship. Like I said, since you do desire it and have already had it, it surely will happen again. When I was single I spent a lot of time with single friends having fun and dated along the way. I personally don’t feel those who are relationship minded and desire a partner are mean to be alone for the rest of their lives because we seek out people who are similar in that way and a match is made. Edited June 1, 2019 by littlebridge
chillii Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 For me here it's not really about meeting women we're still very down to earth mostly here and anyone l went for would be old school too like me anyway so it's not really about that side of things. More though , marriage didn't work, nothing else worked, and now gf and l have a road block, so if that doesn't work out, l simply just couldn't be fkd with more of it.
snowcones Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 (edited) I just honestly think that I could be alone for rest of my life and that is okay. Who else feels this way? Yes I feel this way. Female here. Edited June 1, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author john9999 Posted June 1, 2019 Author Posted June 1, 2019 I also have completely lost all motivation to date at this point. 12 years or so of dating did that to me. It just seems like such a chore and a pain in the ass now and I think I believe that what’s the point it won’t work out. Oh boy do I sound negative
kendahke Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 (edited) Oh boy do I sound negative No, you sound just like me. and it's not for lack of trying... Edited June 1, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
The Outlaw Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 I don't even try to date anymore, but I certainly hope not. Perhaps one day with a woman that knows what she wants, and doesn't play games. I don't have time for that nonsense. And it's a gamble to find someone decent.
nospam99 Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 I'll join the pity party. Older (65) than most of the rest of the posters on this thread, probably than most of the folks on LS in general. Still patiently searching with a couple of 'prospects' and hoping for the best. But very difficult to stay optimistic.
alphamale Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 I am taking care of my 82 year old father who is going down hill fast. I don't have time to date. Last year I went on two first dates. I know that women are interested in me but I really can't get serious with anyone at this time. I really don't think I will marry again, I like my freedom too much. I have two little brothers so I will never be alone I suppose. I don't feel alone at this time but who knows what the future holds... 2
snowcones Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 I also have completely lost all motivation to date at this point. 12 years or so of dating did that to me. It just seems like such a chore and a pain in the ass now and I think I believe that what’s the point it won’t work out. Oh boy do I sound negative I understand. I have absolutely no motivation, excitement or even faith in online dating. It's a total waste of time for various reasons. In person, I rarely meet men I am interested in, and if I do, 99.9% of the time they are married or in a relationship already. So what's the point? Stick a fork in it. 1
mortensorchid Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 I feel you. I feel like I am just an old maid - 44, never been married, see all these guys pass me up for some trashy girl and get taken for a ride from them. Man I loved more than anything will never come back, he wouldn't make the commitment. But I guess it's better than having to go through a divorce, it's a nightmare. I live an isolated life, lonely and bored. But if I am sometimes bored, it's better than dramatics. I could tell you a million things that everyone else has said "head up", "someday it will happen to you", etc. But I don't believe it anymore. I'm just not one of those people either. 2
snowcones Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 But if I am sometimes bored, it's better than dramatics. This is true.
todreaminblue Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 im ok with being alone that's not to say i am not open to a relationship if the right man comes into my life .....it will feel right and good.....i believe in love that's why i wont settle...i have waited...and can wait longer for the right guy...i want a guy who truly cares for me and my tribe.....its not an easy ask.i am complex and..yeah.....a guy would have to be patient with me for me to want to be with him and fall in love.......deb
Happy Lemming Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 (edited) 53 year old male, here. Never been married, never will get married (nor have kids). I've dated A LOT of women, I'm OK when I'm in a relationship and I'm OK when I'm alone. I'm happy with me. Presently in a long term relationship (7.5 years) but if she went away, I'd probably go down to my local pub and find another one; just like I've done in the past. As some point, I guess I'll throw in the towel and quit dating, but not yet. To John9999: Go out and meet new women. On-line dating didn't work for me at all, I tried it (a while back) and it sucked then. I like meeting people in "real life". Try it!! ---------------------- I've been rejected, which is fine. It goes with the territory of dating. And I have to say 99.99% of the women that have rejected me have been polite about it. I can say only a handful of women were unkind. Edited June 1, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge and remove response to banned member 2
Highndry Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 I'm not quite as old as you, but I have recently been thinking I may spend the rest of my life single. Initially I really thought my last gf would be my lifelong partner, but her untreated BPD made it abundantly clear that was not happening. I just find it hard to meet the kind of woman I'm attracted to, because there are a lot of things I'm not interested in - drinkers/smokers/druggies, head cases, financial disasters/gold diggers, poor diets and no exercise, etc. I don't really know where to meet quality women, and I certainly don't think it's online.
rightondude Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 I feel this way currently. It may change tomorrow. Divorced 3 years. I have been through some crazy situations since then and learned more about women than I knew in my first 40 years. And now I'm at the point where I don't care if I find anyone who cares about me. I used to really want that, but now I don't want someone else to be a source of my happiness nor do I want the burden of being the source of someone else's happiness. I'd rather just spend time on things I enjoy, making money, and making my kids happy. If someone wants to come join the party so be it but I just can't see taking the time to make someone else's life special. Sorry ladies! 2
alphamale Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 I don't really know where to meet quality women, and I certainly don't think it's online. there are very few quality women (and men) on OLD
TheFinalWord Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 (edited) I don't understand why people say OLD is so much different than real life. To me, the sample of people online is a pretty accurate reflection of people in real life. The harsh reality is OLD is an accurate reflection of your objective physical attractiveness. If all you're pulling on OLD is 4s and 5s, guess, what? You're a 4 or 5. OLD is the black pill of your looks. It's a tough pill to swallow because we tend to over inflate our physical looks. The major difference from a dating success perspective (for guys at least), is factors a woman might overlook if you met in real life because of chemistry, are automatic no-goes in the online world. Height, age, income, any of the superficial standards. In real life, you might approach a woman and you both find each other attractive. You have a great time and really hit it off. When she finds out you are 5'11" and not 6', she might overlook it because of your personality. But with OLD, if she puts 6 foot as her minimum height, you're automatically filtered out of her search. In Match, for example, if you're not in her Match filters your messages go into an "Other" folder, equivalent to a Junk folder. The plus side is you know people online are looking to date and it's easier to put yourself out there. In real life, women barely ever approach a guy they're attracted to. But they will online. So, the rejection factor is easier to overcome with online. But in general there's no difference in the quality of people online vs real life. The difference is the people rejecting you don't have to look at you in the eyes when they reject you, so what you're getting with OLD is the harsh truth of what the people you message think of you as a dating prospect. They can't use normal excuses like "I have a boyfriend" or "I'm not looking for a relationship right now" because they're on a dating website. So, you'll see a lot of your messages are read, but not replied too. Regarding OP. Yes, I think most people 35+ that are single feel that way. Especially if you've never been married and don't have any children. It's less to do with feeling like you're meant to be alone, and more along the lines of accepting the strong possibility that you will never have your own family. So you find other things in life that bring you satisfaction. For me, I'm in a career I genuinely love and so I pour my energy into that. I also love bodybuilding and am beginning to explore the world of competitive bodybuilding. I'm really getting into hiking as well. OP, it's important to find other things that bring you satisfaction in life. Then, if you happen to find someone, you won't make them the center of your world. A major mistake lonely people make is if any romantic interest pays them the least bit of attention, they drop everything and make this person the center of their universe. Overlook red flags and then end up heart broken. Taking a mindset that you are likely to be single the rest of your life and to be happy anyway is highly attractive. Then even if you don't find anyone, you'll still be enjoying life. So it's a win-win. People say what will you do when you are old if you don't have kids? Guess what. Half the couples my parent's age kids moved to other states and barely visit. They're busy with their careers and their kids education. So even if you have kids, there's no guarantee you won't feel alone. Even if you're married, half of the couples that are married don't really seem that happy to me. More like room mates. It's like once they retire and the kids are gone, they don't know what to do. They now should be focusing on enjoying each other's company and often find that they really don't have much in common. Now you're getting divorced and you're still alone, but as a guy, half your money is gone too. Yikes. We all die alone. A marriage and family can't cure your loneliness. We all have to find our meaning in something beyond another person. It's a healthier mindset and makes for a better relationship. And if you are going to get married, marry someone that has similar interests as you and that you genuinely enjoy their company. Don't base it on barely seeing each other with careers and then the rest of the time revolves around raising kids. Edited June 1, 2019 by TheFinalWord 3
guest569 Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 After a failed marriage, single for 6 years, then a failed engagement,,, as a 52 year old man I’m starting to think I’m just not meant to be with a woman for long term. I am getting more okay with this as time goes on. Dating has become a nightmare, especially here in Los Angeles. I have my grown children, my business and friends and maybe that has to be good enough. This is not meant to be a woe is me post. I just honestly think that I could be alone for rest of my life and that is okay. Who else feels this way? That's even better than 'good enough'. How do you feel in general about life? Do you feel fulfilled? Not alone, just single - as you seem to have a nice family and friends around you. You're right, it's tough going through it all again and not making it to the long-term.
TheFinalWord Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 That's even better than 'good enough'. I agree. And hey at least OP got to experience marriage and kids. A lot of people on LS have never had a spouse or children. So he's doing better than a lot of us. Not trying to say a divorce is any fun. Very painful I'm sure, but OP at least got to experience having a family of his own, even if it was only for a window of time. 1
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