ANON Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 Scenario: Very good friend (VGF) (who has come close to being more than a friend on several occasions, but decided that we made better friends) had his ex-girlfriend in town. She lives far away - in fact they met and dated in another country. They're still great friends and she's a lot of fun to hang out with. VGF gathered the troops together for various outings during the weekend. Another good friend who was also invited began her friendship with VGF by beginning to date before I met either of them. They're more acquaintances vs. good friends, though there appears to be no awkwardness whatsoever about the fact that their early dates didn't wind up being a romance. We're all in our 30's. The weekend activities, rallied a week or two in advance, were fun and included museums and moonlight walks in a historic part of town overlooking the water. What VGF failed to mention in advance was that he'd also invited a new girl along. They'd only gone on about 2 or 3 dates at that point and he had said that he was "unsure" about her potential as a girlfriend, as she's not his usual type (whatever that means - according to him it means she "looks like a teacher"). It started getting awkward when the group was on the moonlight tour (please understand most of us weren't that familiar with this part of town nor with the direction of all the paths by the waterfront) and he kept wandering off with her, leaving his exgirlfriend to hang behind with us. It seemed inconsiderate on two fronts: 1) his friend/ex-girlfriend wound up visiting more with us than with the guy she came to visit 2) it seemed as though he wanted to be on a moonlight date with the new girl, but had 3 tag-alongs that he's had something with in the past (even if largely-insignificant in a couple of cases). I pulled my friend aside and asked him if he would mind not wandering off while we're around. He was surprised by my asking him to do this and responded that he really didn't think that his ex-girlfriend was feeling left out. Is this a twinge of jealosy on my part (and feeling over-protective/over-sensitive about what the ex-girlfriend might feel) rearing it's ugly head or should he have really been more sensitive? To complicate matters, the obvious option of giving myself more breating room and not spending as much time with him is hard to arrange: I also work with the guy and it's not an option not to be around him all day at work. Also, we have lots of mutual friends and when he's not with the new girl, he's over at my place (which I share with another mutual friend). Plus, he's one of my best friends and I don't want that to change.
big_girls_rock Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 Hmmm well what do YOU think? I think a person usually knows when they are jealous. I don't exactly see why he slipped off- maybe to tell his ex that he's interested in this new woman. If he has had "something" with all of you and your all hanging out it just seems akward unless you are all really good friends but its like- what was his motives? hope it all works out.
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