Versacehottie Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 It's all a very nerve wracking experience. I am a lot better than I used to be but I was quite nervous during and after the date. I didn't think I would be this bad! Maybe I like him. I wonder if he was nervous and wonder whether he likes me. How does one unwind and stop thinking it over? Well you already went right? Ok here's my advice for the next time you are nervous before a date. *Some nervous energy is a GOOD thing. So accept that nervous energy and channel it the right way. Nervousness or anxiety that has to do with negative thoughts about yourself or jumping way into the future or unreasonable beliefs about judgments, counter those by telling yourself they aren't true and are just your anxiety talking (your anxiety's opinion/worries, not the facts or even a neutral, plausible thought. *While i normally hate the comparison of dating to interviewing, in this one case, i think it applies: whoever you are meeting is hoping you are the right one, like in a job interview. They don't go there hoping you are the wrong one and that the date is a waste of time. So inherently everything is pushed toward the positive before you even show up, then you just have to bring your best (after all, that's all you can do/would want to do) and hope it tips the scales the way you want them to go. *I think it's best to go with just the one date in mind and make it a fun date. Even if there is not a connection for you or the other person. Meeting new people is a chance to express yourself & the person is there with interest in YOU. So much in the rest of life is about other things so on a basic level it's nice to connect with people just in a socializing way and be your best self. Think of it like this, if a friend was watching the date or someone was recording it, how would you want to appear? Basically you don't want to half-ass it or wither down if you feel like the other person isn't into you or vice versa. Give your best in the moment simply because you are there. *Try to feel like a flirty friend if you are too nervous. That should relax you and is a good base for dating anyway. It will probably relax the other person and you will probably have a better conversation anyway because you will be able to let your guard down. I think sometimes the difference between people who are "LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP", all CAPS, blow it because they are heavy on aligning long term goals and do make it like an interview or try to inject romance unnaturally--it's too much!!--whereas, people who lower the stakes and just try to have fun that night, are able to naturally create a spark and a connection because they are ACTUALLY more open. It's sounds like your intention already is just to explore things so you are on the right track with that. Put it out of your mind that it has been a while since you dated. Good luck & hope it went well. 1
Veronica73 Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 Oh No! If that's what guys look at, then I haven't got a chance! My nails are always short for piano and violin and sometimes not the cleanest from handling paint, pastels and charcoal. I am a mess! But I do have heels... I think that counts for something. Pretty sure you’re fine. I mean...maybe if you’re in LA or someplace like that it’s important. But I doubt most guys care that much. Plus I imagine somebody you are really compatible with would care much more that you have interesting passions and hobbies like music and art, than they care about you getting your nails done. I know a lot of artists, especially older ones that have been working for years and years, use gloves when they use paints and pastels, because many of the pigments are toxic and get absorbed through your skin. For example cadmiums, lead, and cobalt. I personally don’t bother, but I probably should.
Author guest569 Posted June 1, 2019 Author Posted June 1, 2019 Thanks all! The like button is playing up but 'like' to all your help. What did you end up wearing? Went for a nice 'sweater' (not cashmere $$ but it was a nice soft texture), skinny jeans, boots (flat was wise - he was shorter than me), and nice coat over top.. cafe was hot so the coat came off but I needed it to and from. Very light foundation and lip gloss. Well you already went right? Ok here's my advice for the next time you are nervous before a date. Good luck & hope it went well. Thanks for the tips. I used to really struggle before dates but this time was ok, it was the point where we met and during that things felt awkward. It became less awkward but my nerves didn't go away. 3
Versacehottie Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 Thanks for the tips. I used to really struggle before dates but this time was ok, it was the point where we met and during that things felt awkward. It became less awkward but my nerves didn't go away. Your outfit sounded good. So about feeling awkward, i think one thing that might help is taking a "leader" role. If it's awkward, it usually is felt by both of you, meaning he is feeling just as awkward or more so than you are (often because a guy is "in charge" of the date, picks the place, asked you typically so they feel responsible, plus as a generalization it's not in their nature to feel good when vulnerable). So next time you feel like that just take the position that you wouldn't want someone to feel like that when you are actually both there making an effort. Sure, he might not be the right guy for you or vice versa but if you take a kinda of position of dating compassion where you stop worrying about yourself and being judged or the outcome and take the leader role in making sure the both of you have fun or interesting night, it actually should take the pressure off. And you can evaluate the guy for who he really is not for the atmosphere that you both let go south...nor feel regret for having let that happen. Doing something like this, should actually let your confidence have more momentum--that's what taking an ACTIVE role vs a passive one usually does. Also think about how attractive it is when a person who is nervous, i.e. you, powers through it and finds a way to make the moment better--trust me, it doesn't go unnoticed. Practice on people who are not dates. It's a great life skill! This is not saying the guy doesn't have any responsibility to make the date good. Seriously, he will probably be in awe of you for turning an awkward moment good--I've seen that many times. You both should be trying to give your best simultaneously. And hope that someone will take into account the nerves of the other but still bring your best. Aim to get asked out a second time, that way the choice is yours (not to mention your dating skills grow). I know people who's first date..or second..didn't go well but they made it through and are amazing couples.
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