First date/hangout - drinks with friends

[beowulf44]

Hello, so I’m looking to hang out with this girl I met recently. She’s agreed to drinks but strikes me as the type not looking for anything serious. In any case, I’m meeting some friends for some drinks this weekend and am busy until next week. Can I invite her along? I’m looking to keep it casual with this girl (hence the “hang out w me and my friends” idea), but I wanna make sure it doesn’t send the totally wrong message instead (as meeting friends / family are generally considered “milestones” of significance when dating)

[d0nnivain]

Can you meet her for a drink an hour or so before you see the friends? You need some one on one time with her before you drag the friends into it. If things are going well, you can invite her to come along when you go see the friends but that should not be your only interaction with her. Worst case scenario you show up late to hang with your friends in favor of squeezing in some time with her.

[lurker74]

This past Sunday (day before Memorial Day in the States), I met a woman at a block party in the city where I live that included a dance club while she was out with a bunch of friends. I agreed to meet her while she was out with friends because of schedules being difficult. But even though I am a confident man, it was a high stress idea...hanging out and trying to get to know her while she was with friends in a loud environment. I worried I would be on the outside looking in, not understanding the group dynamic, inside jokes, etc.

 

But I did it anyway and it went great and we actually saw each other again last night. Still, it's a high stress thing for the person that is showing up without knowing anyone, even you, and trying to get to know you. If she can hang, you've got a keeper, but I would guess most people would have a hard time with it.

[crispytoast]

If it's a club or a show, feel free to invite her. It conveys the message that you have a social life while also allowing the two of you to learn a bit more about each other's personalities without it feeling too much like an interview. Do not make the night about introducing her to all of your friends, but if interactions occur naturally, obviously make the introduction.

 

If it's drinking at the bar with your friends, I would recommend against this. In my opinion there is a different dynamic between her inviting you to go drinking with her friends and you inviting her to drink with your friends.

 

With her friends, it gives her control over the situation and gives her friends the opportunity to analyze you without rose colored glasses--are you trustworthy, are you dangerous, etc.

 

With your friends, she is getting intoxicated alone with a group of men she doesnt know. Some women would be fine with this, others might feel powerless and a bit uncomfortable. There's a lot more at stake for her to be alone with you and your friends than vice versa.

[PRW]

but I wanna make sure it doesn’t send the totally wrong message instead (as meeting friends / family are generally considered “milestones” of significance when dating)

It spells Friend Zone. Hanging out with friends is what friends do, so she will think of you only as a friend. It sends the wrong message in that it says that you are not that interested and don't really care that much. That is just the opposite of the guy who tries too hard and acts like she is his girlfriend after the first date,...both extremes are bad. You want the message being sent to say that this is a man-to-woman thing but just not too over-invested too early.

 

Meeting friends is not that much of a milestone, and doing so often just lets the friend get in the way. Having the friends block you an ruin your opportunity is the main reason not to involve friends. Even when you meet the girl within your circle of friends already, you want to separate from the friends to have a "date".

[alphamale]

if you are looking for romance then the first few dates should just be you and her. if you're looking for a friendship then by all means invite her along to meet your friends

[lurker74]

I don't really agree with PRW and Alpha but maybe that's because after going out with a girl Sunday with her friends, I was in her bed on Monday morning. Anything is possible, but it might just be uncomfortable for her if she's not a truly confident person.

[Flame Aura]

Going out in a group as your first date is a really terrible idea.

 

 

If you want her as just a friend, sure go for it. If you want something serious then step your game up and ask her out on a proper date, just you two.