Dating a younger person

[john9999]

I would love to hear from both men and women on this

 

I am a “young” 52 year old man. Most think I am 45.

Anyway, I’ve met a great womAn who’s 30 and we definitely

Have hit it off. She has sole custody of a sweet 4 year old boy.

 

Ok, for either men or women who have done this. What should I know?

The age thing doesn’t bother her as she has always dated guys older than her.

I’d say the most younger I’ve dated was 12 years apart.

Edited May 29, 2019 by john9999
Change

[BaileyB]

I too have also dated “older” men. My current partner is four years older.

 

You have 22 years on this woman... what you are talking about is not a few years, it is a generation.

 

It’s easy to say that the age difference doesn’t matter now because she has always dated older and you are a “young” 52. But, I’m sure you can do the math, when she is 40 you will be 62, when she is 50, you will be 62. The age gap that doesn’t feel significant now will most definitely widen.

 

Besides, how do you feel about raising a preschooler at your age? This will affect your free time, your financial resources, your ability to travel and perhaps even retire... important things to consider.

 

I’m sorry to be a wet blanket, just things to consider before you get more serious about this relationship.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Well, it's not creepy like a 40-year-old dating an 18-year-old, but "different generations" could become a thing as far as energy levels and interests/conversations go.

[TheFinalWord]

Varies from case to case, but she probably wants to date you because you're more mature. So, act like it! Have fun, but don't try to lock her down real quick. Set up fun dates and things that are different than the bar scene, which is probably what guys her age are doing with her.

[alphamale]

I guarantee you that she's looking for a man to "take care" of her and her kid. If you can raise another man's kid then go for it. Most likely the father of her kids will be in your and her's life.

 

I would stay clear of young mothers with kids.

[Foxhall]

well at 38 I am not finding it easy to land a 30-year old so fair play to you,

 

 

I had a bit of banter with my Hungarian friend (28) one day about this type of thing,

 

 

I don't think you would be able to handle her, so hopefully your girl is of a quieter nature!

 

 

I imagine the main issue for you ; will you be sprightly enough for her in life, sprightly enough in the bedroom, can you keep her entertained,

perhaps she wants a loving father type figure so you can fit the bill there or a solid figure to help raise the child,

have you a few bob in the bank to look after her and bring her on some nice trips around the world

 

 

main thing keep yourself young, fit and healthy and you'll have half a chance,

 

 

good luck.

[Iris The Butterfly]

My boyfriend was 47 when we met (about 7 months ago) and I was 34. I've always dated older men, but no more than this age difference (14 years apart). Last serious bf was 10 years older. First serious boyfriend was 15 years older, which in hindsight when I was that young was too much.

 

I think women who are beyond their years emotionally and intellectually and often single mothers are more likely to be drawn to an older man who has his life together and who can offer her more security and maturity and commitment than most men in our age group. Men in their 20s are not appealing at all to a woman in her 30s looking to settle down or have children with. Never been an option for me as soon as I hit 30. No way.

 

From what I've seen and experienced, women have a difficult time in their 30s and beyond because MOST ALL men in our age group (within 5 years older) are: a) married; b) divorced with kids and not looking for don't want more kids and don't want to get married again, etc.; c) not looking for one woman and want to play the field. (If they are out there, they are literally a diamond in the rough). So, speaking for myself, I've had to look for someone older. It makes sense in every way to me.

 

Older men who want children for biological reasons would want a younger woman who can have kids (which is what my bf said to me; women his age CAN'T have kids, so he specifically was seeking out a woman in her 30s so that he can have kids.) I thought that was very honest and it makes sense. I don't want to be with someone in their 20s or early-mid 30s who isn't ready to settle down or still is playing the field. And from all my experience, 90% of men I've dated close to my age are in that category. Men don't mature at the rate that women do, so it makes sense to me that an age gap romance happens a lot.

 

I like that my bf is real, straightforward, settled, financially secure, out of his party mode, etc. and that is far more attractive than all the other men around my age I've dated. More than 15 years age difference seems to me like a generational gap but I have known women in their 30s who married men in their 50s. Happened to three women I know personally and they have children by these men. If she were younger than 30 I would say it would be bordering on inappropriate but she sounds like she would be more mature, being that she has a child. Having a child means she's not out partying, running around, etc. as single women would do at that age. (I was that girl, because I have no kids).

 

Especially being a single mom, as a woman I can speak confidently for all womankind that we would seek out someone who is more stable, reliable, responsible, mature. A younger man doesn't have that stuff going for him yet. If he does, please tell me where he is because I'm 35 and I've never found him, probably because he's married.

 

Good luck!

Edited May 29, 2019 by littlebridge

[The Outlaw]

I'll just simply say have fun. Don't worry about anything unless she should bring up an ex (or more) into the picture during a date. But if you get along really well with her and her kid, that's good. Just be sure she likes you for you and isn't looking for a substitute father for her child.

[planb1973]

The age difference doesn't bother her, what about you?

 

A couple months ago I started dating a 25 year old, I am 45, and I will soon be ending things. At first the age difference didn't bother me. I was flattered that a young attractive "girl" would be interested in me, I've still got it appearently. It is nearing its end as the age difference is getting to me, we are simply on entire different levels in life, though she seems quite mature for her age it is still far from where I am at an entire lifespan farther along.

 

I would just enjoy it for what it is but don't look too far down the road.

[elaine567]

The problem is not on your end, I am sure having a younger women to look after you is a great thing but from her POV not so great long term.

Many worry about the young person being taken advantage of by an older man and that can happen, but often the younger woman after a while moves swiftly on to a younger model and the older guy is left heartbroken as all his

dreams were wrapped up in this younger woman.

Whilst he is ageing rapidly, younger guys have caught up and can provide for her nicely and they have more in common with her too.

She realises that she needs a man in her life, not a grandfather...

[Iris The Butterfly]

My personal opinion is a man over 40 dating a woman under 30 is not something to take seriously. A little creepy, she's seen as just a play thing, boosting his ego, not likely to become serious due to her immaturity level and well... generational differences. She still wants to go out and have fun, travel the world, etc etc. As a woman, once I hit 30 I was far more mature than I was at 25. I had an education, career, my own place, etc. Men over 35 suddenly became more attractive, the young professionals. When I was 25 I would have never been interested in a man older than 40. I think there's some kind of weird dynamic going on once the gap reaches the generation point (15-20 years). A little Freudian, I hate to say this but looking for a father figure. My cousin did it. She lost her dad and within a year married a man her father's age because she wanted security. Messed up, but it happens all the time.

 

My bf was talking about his 21st birthday in 1991. When i did the math I was 7 years old, and I got the creeps thinking about it like that. When I was in high school he was in his late 20s, already graduated from college, in his career, etc. I just think that there's an age that it's no longer creepy. 30 seems about right to me, honestly.

[Iris The Butterfly]

The problem is not on your end, I am sure having a younger women to look after you is a great thing but from her POV not so great long term.

Many worry about the young person being taken advantage of by an older man and that can happen, but often the younger woman after a while moves swiftly on to a younger model and the older guy is left heartbroken as all his

dreams were wrapped up in this younger woman.

Whilst he is ageing rapidly, younger guys have caught up and can provide for her nicely and they have more in common with her too.

She realises that she needs a man in her life, not a grandfather...

 

But men in their 20s and early-mid 30s aren't interested in settling down. IF they are, they already are and are no longer in the dating pool. It's unlikely as women get older they will have the same options of men her own age to choose from either. In my personal experience as a woman over 30, men in my age group are still dating women in their late 20s, want to date lots of women, still in their party boy stage, don't want to settle down, OR they are married/engaged. These are my current options as a 35 year old professional woman with an education and a perfect credit score and 401k, etc. I'm a catch but finding a 'younger model' isn't easy or something I would want to seek out. 50 isn't old, or even "grandpa" status.

[emeraldgreen]

45-year-old here dating a 28-year-old. She's no plaything or ego boost for me. No psychological issues on either side. It's a great relationship and we're on the same page about most things. I was the one concerned about the cliche successful man dating the hot young thing in a middle-aged crisis but her outlook and disposition has given me a view of some great potential.

[Iris The Butterfly]

The problem is not on your end, I am sure having a younger women to look after you is a great thing but from her POV not so great long term.

Many worry about the young person being taken advantage of by an older man and that can happen, but often the younger woman after a while moves swiftly on to a younger model and the older guy is left heartbroken as all his

dreams were wrapped up in this younger woman.

Whilst he is ageing rapidly, younger guys have caught up and can provide for her nicely and they have more in common with her too.

She realises that she needs a man in her life, not a grandfather...

 

But men our age (30s) aren't interested in settling down. If they are they already are.

[Happy Lemming]

After a dating disaster, I invoked my 10 year rule. 10 years older or younger. No exceptions.

 

When I was 37, I dated a woman that was 22. Yes, I know 15 years difference. It was horrible, I felt like I was baby-sitting. The sex wasn't even all that great and she looked at me like I was a human wallet, buy me this, buy me that, take me here, I want to go on vacation to this beach, etc. etc.

 

Lesson learned... never again...

[alphamale]

most of these younger attractive women are gold-diggers. look at all the young and attractive wives of professional golfers (or any pro sport)

[elaine567]

50 isn't old, or even "grandpa" status.

 

But no-one stays at 50 and 50+ yos with small kids is ridiculous, ask the kid...

[Iris The Butterfly]

That's too bad to hear. My bf is 48 and wants kids. Hypothetically if I have his child any time soon he will be at least 49 or 50 when the child is born. I guess the kid will be worse off for that??

 

Probably off topic for OP since he hasn't mentioned children. The woman has a young child. Is that child going to suffer for having a father figure in his early 50s? I doubt it.

 

I know a very happy couple. She is almost 40 and he's well over 55, probably early 60s, I've never asked. They have two kids under 5 years old and their family is adorable. They have a charmed life, one that I would like for myself to be honest. No one thinks its "ridiculous" that he has two very young children. It's wonderful to see.

Edited May 29, 2019 by littlebridge

[elaine567]

Read up about the risks to the child of having an ageing father.

Recent research suggests men start families before 35, to reduce risks to the unborn child.

[Gretchen12]

I don't think the age difference will be the deciding factor. The bigger issue is how you met. I'm guessing online? Reason I suspect you met online is because most older men don't approach much younger women in public (creep factor) and most acquaintances would not have fixed you up together. Therefore, more likely she set her age requirements to include men your age and that's how you got the green light.

There are women who prefer older men, I think that's all fine. When things don't work out for you, it'll likely be because of different backgrounds not the age. Keep in mind that most relationships from online don't last over 3 months or so anyway. Don't start planning for 10 years down the road.

[SmartDude]

The worst thing you can do is act like a parent. Do not make that mistake. Just because she is younger than you does not mean you can give her the answers to life. I did that once and learned the lesson.

 

 

 

It is ok to gently nudge or hint in the right direction if you notice something that can only come from having life experience. Getting too much into "teaching" can backfire and result in a cringe effect for both of you. At the same time a little bit of that "daddy love" is sometimes exactly what she is looking for. She wants to feel safe and secure in sharing her ideas, emotions..etc. with some one with more experience in life. Women who are in this category are often sensitive and feel like men their age can not understand them. Its a balancing act.

 

 

 

I love the dynamic of being from different generations. Many people try to frame it as creepy or wrong but its not. It is an alternative type of relationship that has its own challenges and rewards.

 

 

If people are nosy and stare at you while in public, stare back.., its fun.

[todreaminblue]

i feel its values lifestyle and experience.....personally i dont date younger i would date older i am an old soul......when i was 17 i dated a fifty year old...he told me he was forty..i was more like his companion it wasnt sexual he was impotent.....at 17 i loved theatre opera and jazz museums art galleries and intelligent men .....dating a younger guy was never on my cards......i needed the maturity intelligence and stableness of an older man ...but...it ended up uneven he would try to dress me and tell me what i should or shouldn't do, he would buy me expensive things which i didnt want or need and he was not letting me grow into my own .....i felt he was trying to change me and didnt really like who i really was ....i just enjoyed who he was and the times we spent together..i accepted him even the lie about his age......he was the one who wanted me to change....my sneakers with dresses self....stuff stilettos....

 

i feel in an age gap relationships if you have similar goals values and lifestyles.....it could work...in any relationship there are struggles whether age gap or not...its how you deal with stressors and the path you are on walking together that matters if there's love acceptance and communication even the hardest of relationships with huge differences have a chance of success....deb.....

[john9999]

45-year-old here dating a 28-year-old. She's no plaything or ego boost for me. No psychological issues on either side. It's a great relationship and we're on the same page about most things. I was the one concerned about the cliche successful man dating the hot young thing in a middle-aged crisis but her outlook and disposition has given me a view of some great potential.

 

Thank you. It is good to see that there is someone having success with this age gap

[john9999]

I never expected to get as many replies. Thank you everyone. I see that there are examples where it works out. My father remarried when he was approximately my age to a woman who was 16 years younger. They’ve been together now for like 22 years or more.

 

This is very early on for me with this woman and I’m just gonna see how it goes.

[Woggle]

Have fun but don't commit to somebody that young. If you are going to date for superficial reasons then rent instead of buying.