Naivewomen Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 Aloha, I understand what you see from the outside looking in. I crave those same things. However, she maybe blissful wish in turn makes him happy but he is internally suffering from some type of demon or he wouldn't need to stray. He wouldn't need to look for another woman to fill him up. He has an issue and refuses to address whatever it is. You will never know nor will I. I also believe even if it's for more sex with different woman hes always going to need that now. He will always have a void. I dont care how happy he looks it's a facade. Hes only temporarily happy it doesnt last.
stillafool Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 I’m not convinced he is in love with his wife. She got knocked up after having sex with him 2 times and he did the right thing and supported her and they eventually got married. Now they have 3 children. Either way I do know that i could never trust him 100%. He is tall and handsome. Women flock to him and he knows what he is doing in bed. You can tell he’s had a lot of experience. Do you really believe that she just got knocked up so poor him did the right thing and married her? Who told you this, him? No one is getting married by the shotgun method anymore and haven't been doing it for decades. He would have still had to support her whether he married her or not. There's this thing called child support that you do not have to be married to get. He's full of it!
Naivewomen Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 How does anyone claim to love anyone while having an affair. The entire word "love" is distorted. I question that word now. Do any of us really know or understand the true meaning of that word being married ourselves??? 1
Author RoseGold18 Posted May 30, 2019 Author Posted May 30, 2019 Do you really believe that she just got knocked up so poor him did the right thing and married her? Who told you this, him? No one is getting married by the shotgun method anymore and haven't been doing it for decades. He would have still had to support her whether he married her or not. There's this thing called child support that you do not have to be married to get. He's full of it! Yeah I don’t disagree at all. His story is that she wanted to get married (and he was newly divorced) so the agreement was an open marriage and he would marry her. I do think that’s what happened because of the timeline. His wife is also an undocumented immigrant and I’m sure being married makes it easier for health insurance for her (since she rarely works) He has told me from the beginning that him and his wife are together for the kids and that it’s not where he’s sees himself down the road. But his kids are young. 6, 4, and 2.
Author RoseGold18 Posted May 30, 2019 Author Posted May 30, 2019 How does anyone claim to love anyone while having an affair. The entire word "love" is distorted. I question that word now. Do any of us really know or understand the true meaning of that word being married ourselves??? I agree. And I think it goes both ways. They don’t love their wives or the OW on the side. If he did I’m sure he would be doing everything in his power to keep us together.
elaine567 Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 Yeah I get what you’re saying and I don’t disagree... however this guy (as most guys) just loves sex. He does still have sex with his wife but he has told me before that it’s “vanilla”. Ok but I have deduced, that many men need a wife at home and another woman to provide the "excitement", usually sexual excitement. It seems to me that may OWs feel they are out-doing the wife by providing "wild sex" for the MM. But I have a feeling that many men are not asking for "wild sex" from their wife and mother of their children, they are reserving that for the OW. There is a bit of the Madonna - Whore complex going on, I guess, his wife is "too good", "too decent", to be used as an outlet for his baser fantasies... Along comes the OW, willing to please... 1
Aloha123 Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 It seems to me that may OWs feel they are out-doing the wife by providing "wild sex" for the MM. But I have a feeling that many men are not asking for "wild sex" from their wife and mother of their children, they are reserving that for the OW. There is a bit of the Madonna - Whore complex going on, I guess, his wife is "too good", "too decent", to be used as an outlet for his baser fantasies... Along comes the OW, willing to please... You know, what's interesting is that the opposite is also true. With the MM, I am a completely different person, sexually, as compared to with my husband. It's night and day. So the OW, if she is married, becomes much "wilder" than she is in her role as a wife.
elaine567 Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 You know, what's interesting is that the opposite is also true. With the MM, I am a completely different person, sexually, as compared to with my husband. It's night and day. So the OW, if she is married, becomes much "wilder" than she is in her role as a wife. Yes because she feels the need to do that to keep him interested and away from his wife. He will then hopefully fall in love with her, and give her the stuff she craves which is usually emotional attachment, not sex per se. The husband is already "in the bag", she doesn't need to go the extra mile sexually to keep him around. 1
DKT3 Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 You know, what's interesting is that the opposite is also true. With the MM, I am a completely different person, sexually, as compared to with my husband. It's night and day. So the OW, if she is married, becomes much "wilder" than she is in her role as a wife. Affairs are whatever you want them to be and you are whoever you want to be while involved. I use to try to explain this to women like you here for years, that is the glue that holds affairs together. When you're married you have every day mundane things to deal with, be it kids, Bill's picking up after your messy husband. In the affair its totally void of drama that isnt about the relationship. Its held in secret which aids the "passion" and thus the sex. It's all a illusion. It's also the reason that affair turned legitimate fail at such a high rate. You have two damaged people without skills to navigate through problems drawn together under this mask of whatever you want, until the mask comes off and all is left is two people who dont have the skills to navigate a relationship. 2
vla1120 Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 Yup I think about this everyday. I wish we never had a baby and I could just leave with no baggage. I’m wasting away what I have left of my youth. My recommendation is that you break it off with the OM and tell your husband you want a divorce. Let your husband have primary custody of your child, since you say his is a good father, and you wish you never had a baby. This way, only one marriage is ruined, not two. Also, not having the primary responsibility of caring for your child, you won't have to worry about not having someone to help you. You can spend your entire income on yourself, except for whatever child support the court awards your husband. I think this resolution is the best for everyone involved. Will it be hard not to have the OM anymore? Sure, but you can easily replace him (hopefully with someone unattached.) I'm not even being facetious. You clearly make enough to support yourself. You don't want to be married. You wish you didn't have the burden of a child. Go out and live the single life again. 1
Naivewomen Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 Sorry I disagree!! I was always WILD!! I love sex. I have only had 2 partners my entire life before MM. I am a decent wife on the outside and a Madonna/whore in the bedroom. But it has too be something you were born with. I have always felt sexy since I can remember. My hormones were kicking in at a very young age. I was never afraid to explore in the bedroom with my husband nor anyone I love. I'm sure if these wives spruced up their own sexuality and individuality they would be more confident and willing to explore with the one they love. Vanilla gets stale quickly. I was never vanilla, just sayin....
stillafool Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 You know, what's interesting is that the opposite is also true. With the MM, I am a completely different person, sexually, as compared to with my husband. It's night and day. So the OW, if she is married, becomes much "wilder" than she is in her role as a wife. So you understand that the MM will do sexual acts with OW that he wouldn't dare bother his wife with. Same with MOW. MOW may feel more comfortable having wild or taboo sex with OM.
elaine567 Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 I was always WILD!! Yes, so you were perfect material for a MM looking for "excitement". 1
Starswillshine Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 Ok but I have deduced, that many men need a wife at home and another woman to provide the "excitement", usually sexual excitement. It seems to me that may OWs feel they are out-doing the wife by providing "wild sex" for the MM. But I have a feeling that many men are not asking for "wild sex" from their wife and mother of their children, they are reserving that for the OW. There is a bit of the Madonna - Whore complex going on, I guess, his wife is "too good", "too decent", to be used as an outlet for his baser fantasies... Along comes the OW, willing to please... This was how it was in my marriage. I was the risky one in bed. He was so reserved. The OW deduced that I must be a prude and that is why he was cheating. She and I had a whole conversation about it. He always said he was scared of harming me, crossing a line, disrespecting me, etc. I had to lead everything on. He was the opposite with his OW. Almost to the point of what I would think is slightly degrading. She played some mental gymnastics and just believed he was providing a service that his evil, prudish wife would not. I had a slap in face when OP says that his wife got pregnant the 2nd time they had sex. This happened with my xWH and myself. Though we dated for 6 months before we had sex (see a pattern here...). Reading that just made me realized he likely made that comment to his multiple OW, as well. When in fact, we went on to have multiple children afterwards.....
Naivewomen Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 Well the MM is a weak fool not to be able to ask his wife to move put of her comfort zone sexually and explore and escape Into him. Foolish on her part. Mm want both in one women.
Naivewomen Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 Absolutely Elaine!! And he gave me the emotional attachment I was craving, hence why it lasted so long.
elaine567 Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 Mm want both in one women. I don't actually think that they do, that was my point.
Aloha123 Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 Yes because she feels the need to do that to keep him interested and away from his wife. He will then hopefully fall in love with her, and give her the stuff she craves which is usually emotional attachment, not sex per se. No for me it's definitely both. The sex is not just a means to an end. And I absolutely wish I had married somebody with whom I could have been more myself sexually. So I wasn't just having sex to "catch" a husband, and I also like the sex with the mm separate and apart from the emotional gratification, as is evidenced from the fact that i get very little actual emotional gratification from him.
Naivewomen Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 They absolutely do!! My MM said so....he wished forever she was more like me. Sexy, reserved, confident, and free in the bedroom.
DKT3 Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 Do you know the areas in which he is happy his wife isnt like you? I don't ask to be harsh but to put your statement in context.
elaine567 Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 @Naivewoman ..he wished forever she was more like me. Sexy, reserved, confident, and free in the bedroom. But he did not rush to make it real with you, did he? NO he liked her at home and you on the side, as many men do.
Naivewomen Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 Absolutely DKT3, because the same things ring true for me. Loyalty, trust, commitment, family bonds. Things way more powerful than great sex!!!! One of the greatest gifts I have learned from this experience. A partner who has your back no matter what!!
Starswillshine Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 Well the MM is a weak fool not to be able to ask his wife to move put of her comfort zone sexually and explore and escape Into him. Foolish on her part. Mm want both in one women. It isnt always (in some cases, absolutely, but not all) about the wife's comfort zone. I was fully comfortable in my sexuality. I loved sex and was open to anything and WANTED to explore. My xWH wasnt. Not with me anyway. The wife, the mother of his children... he wanted me to be pure. Wife material. His OW... that was who he could disrespect and treat in those ways. He didnt have respect for her outside what she could do for him. (It's all screwed up thinking for certain but this is true of many men.) I am very proper and respectful in public. I'm with a man who now who appreciates both sides of me and I flourish. My xWH held me down, so to speak. 1
Naivewomen Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 Starswillshine, I understand that. Make no mistake I am proper, conservative as well on the outside. I work in a professional corporate environment. I am a classy women externally but in the bedroom in private I am able to be expressive freely. I was never disrespected by him. And I am happy you found someone to complete you!!!
Starswillshine Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 Starswillshine, I understand that. Make no mistake I am proper, conservative as well on the outside. I work in a professional corporate environment. I am a classy women externally but in the bedroom in private I am able to be expressive freely. I was never disrespected by him. And I am happy you found someone to complete you!!! I'm the same. But for whatever reason, my xWH wanted me to be that reserved woman in the bedroom. It was definite classic Madonna/Wh*re situation. It is just strange because I certain dont have a problem playing that in the bedroom but he says super reserved with me. He always said is because I was his wife and he didnt want to disrespect me. And he was always worried about pushing too far but with his OWs, he didn't really care. Of course, that was all out of the mouth of a serial cheater. So who knows what his real reasonings were. But what played out was that he was super reserved, I pushed. And then I hear about all the things he did with OW... and was shocked.
Recommended Posts