lana-banana Posted May 29, 2019 Posted May 29, 2019 I personally think the sex gets better. Probably a bit less frequent, but better in terms of quality. There's just something to be said for knowing each other so intimately for so long that lends itself to being able to give each other mindblowing experiences that otherwise wouldn't be possible, IMO. The trust, the knowledge of each other's bodies and likes and dislikes down to the very last detail, all the trial and error. I have never cum so hard or so much in my entire life and I still don't exactly know what H does that makes it happen - he's become better than me at pleasuring me! I get that some people will feel differently about LTR sex though. I strongly agree with this. A lot of times on this site you see peoole complaining that sex has dropped off after the first eight months or so, or that it's different once they started living together, etc. LTR sex is far better than dating because you have that intimacy and trust, and know each other so much better. The important part is to keep communicating so you don't fall into a rut. 2
Els Posted May 29, 2019 Posted May 29, 2019 I strongly agree with this. A lot of times on this site you see peoole complaining that sex has dropped off after the first eight months or so, or that it's different once they started living together, etc. LTR sex is far better than dating because you have that intimacy and trust, and know each other so much better. The important part is to keep communicating so you don't fall into a rut. Right! I guess there are people who genuinely stop putting in effort or who find everything "boring" once the NRE phase is over, who constantly need to be stimulated by new people and new stuff (an ex of mine was that way). But I would argue that the problem lies not in LTRs, but rather in the fact that those people are probably not well-suited for LTRs. 2
Foxhall Posted May 29, 2019 Posted May 29, 2019 - In short, it's a great honour to let your human experience intersect with another human experience. It's just a monumental struggle for men to get there who have not been trained in the unwritten rules since childhood. Generally I prefer to refrain from criticizing another posters comments but sometimes a comment annoys me and I feel the need to, ok the first remark about the human experience is fine, this unwritten rules stuff though, this is crap/ bull****, It is unnecessary and only puts doubts in the mind of people who need encouragement to the OP finding a partner and so on is not rocket science or performing brain surgery, it is simply talking normally to a person getting to know them, finding common interests, enjoying each others company and building rapport, fair enough it is not always easy but it is not some unobtainable fantasy either, forget the nonsense about unwritten rules, stop thinking you are not good enough and get out there and meet new people and find a relationship 4
Author Inflikted Posted May 29, 2019 Author Posted May 29, 2019 So where are you with friendships? Have you been able to build some friend relationships? If so, you have the foundation of tools needed for romantic relationships ... And you know, none of us is fully equipped for relationships. Married partners are still learning about their partner (and learning not to be a good partner) decades into the marriage. You can learn some of this through the relationship itself. Over the last eight months, I've made friends with a girl and her boyfriend. That said, I tend to wait for them to invite me to spend time together, and in the back of my head, I always worry I'm being awkward or something when we're together. I love having them in my life, but I still don't really consider myself an "equal", if that makes any sense. The only reason you haven't had a successful relationship is that you haven't really tried to put the effort in. Why? Like I said, I don't really feel equipped for it.
Foxhall Posted May 29, 2019 Posted May 29, 2019 Lana's reply really answers your first post, I am quite fascinated by your above post. lol I think I went into the wrong career you know. anyway why do you not consider yourself an equal, this couple likely enjoy having your company and they look forward to meeting up with you.
Author Inflikted Posted May 29, 2019 Author Posted May 29, 2019 Lana's reply really answers your first post, I am quite fascinated by your above post. lol I think I went into the wrong career you know. anyway why do you not consider yourself an equal, this couple likely enjoy having your company and they look forward to meeting up with you. Yeah, I dunno, I'm sure it's just one of those things in my head. Any time I've been in a social situation, even before they came along, I always feel in my head like I'm someone's "little brother" that's just hanging with everyone because they feel sympathy for me. I've never been able to shake that thought. And generally speaking, I still consider myself to be socially awkward, and even after months of occasional get togethers with my two friends, I still get hung up in my own head, wondering if I'm being awkward or weird, or even just wondering what to say or how to interact.
chillii Posted May 29, 2019 Posted May 29, 2019 (edited) Generally I prefer to refrain from criticizing another posters comments but sometimes a comment annoys me and I feel the need to, ok the first remark about the human experience is fine, this unwritten rules stuff though, this is crap/ bull****, It is unnecessary and only puts doubts in the mind of people who need encouragement to the OP finding a partner and so on is not rocket science or performing brain surgery, it is simply talking normally to a person getting to know them, finding common interests, enjoying each others company and building rapport, fair enough it is not always easy but it is not some unobtainable fantasy either, forget the nonsense about unwritten rules, stop thinking you are not good enough and get out there and meet new people and find a relationship Yeah, couldn't agree more, theories and men types father figures for crying out loud. The simplest of animals lowest in the food chain or supposed intelligence manage just fine no pc, theories analyzing to bits or rocket science. Some people seem to just drag themselves down with so much crap. Edited May 29, 2019 by chillii 1
chillii Posted May 29, 2019 Posted May 29, 2019 Mind you , l know the ducks just don't seem to wanna align for some and l do get the trying to figure it out of course. But l dunno, keepin it simple would probably 1/2 the equation.
Woggle Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 Happy relationships are great but how many are actually happy?
mortensorchid Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 Relationships are hard, but they are also fun as well. I think today contrary to popular belief we are being taught intolerance rather than tolerance- as in "It's all about me", or "It's not perfect so I will change it", etc. Which is nonsense. You have to want to stay together rather than bounce from one to another to another. There are a lot of little things that can bother you about a person. But always laugh as much as you can with and at each other.
BaileyB Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 Happy relationships are great but how many are actually happy? Did you not get that answer in your other thread... I’ve live both single and now partnered for different periods of my life. Not have their pros and cons. I firmly subscribe to the idea that those who are happy will be happy as a single person on in a relationship. Those who are miserable will be miserable whether they are alone or married. The nicest benefit of a relationship for me is the companionship and the feeling of security - there is somebody who has your back. Even if... sometimes what I really want is for him to go away...
rightondude Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 This was the most important statement. Not having the upbringing, the honorable masculine father in the house to teach both directly and by example with his relationship to the mother. It is one of the root causes of the epidemic of men we now call by multiple names, Incels, FA's, beta's, orbiters etc. The difference in the terms are based on different variations in the condition. But they all have common roots. I think the door swings both ways. Kids who grow up seeing parents (mother or father) constantly berating the other, seemingly not being a unit, etc often take that as "the way it is" ... and likely have difficulty forming bonds and trusting another in the degree necessary to truly form a loving partnership. I still have no idea what love is. i haven't seen it enough, haven't experienced it, etc...all I've ever seen and known is that familiarity breeds contempt. I've tried being a provider, and did pretty well at that, but when it comes down to a deep, emotional connection, I just haven't ever felt it. Except with my kids. And that's a different deal altogether. Maybe one day.
Woggle Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 Did you not get that answer in your other thread... I’ve live both single and now partnered for different periods of my life. Not have their pros and cons. I firmly subscribe to the idea that those who are happy will be happy as a single person on in a relationship. Those who are miserable will be miserable whether they are alone or married. The nicest benefit of a relationship for me is the companionship and the feeling of security - there is somebody who has your back. Even if... sometimes what I really want is for him to go away... I still think that a relationship is not worth it unless two people really care for and want the best for each other. I don't see that in most relationships these days.
alphamale Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 I still think that a relationship is not worth it unless two people really care for and want the best for each other. I don't see that in most relationships these days. I would tend to agree
Author Inflikted Posted May 30, 2019 Author Posted May 30, 2019 I think the door swings both ways. Kids who grow up seeing parents (mother or father) constantly berating the other, seemingly not being a unit, etc often take that as "the way it is" ... and likely have difficulty forming bonds and trusting another in the degree necessary to truly form a loving partnership. I feel like that's somewhat applicable to me. As a kid/ teen, I kind of idealized dating and relationships, and I hoped I'd fall in love and "live happily ever after". But when I got to my late teens and early 20s, I started noticing things. I looked across my family, and I saw a whole lot of unhappiness. My parents don't even really seem to love each other. I see aunts, uncles, cousins, my half sister, coworkers and other acquaintances I used to know, in relationships where someone cheats, or they're just unhappy but they stay together because it's easier, and/ or because they have kids. I see people who've gone through divorces. But then I see people who seemingly aren't in these kinds of relationships. My two friends, for example, they have their arguments, heck, a long time ago, she made some of them sound like things they might break up over. Yet, after all this time, they're still together and seemingly happy right now. I've seen other couples that seem happy. I just... really don't understand it. I mean, I guess it really is just a mixed bag, with no rhyme or reason to it. There's always a part of me that's curious what it'd be like in a good relationship, but I can't really get past all the bad I've seen, and it almost seems like the bad is much more common and difficult to separate oneself from.
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