CLS63AMG Posted May 29, 2019 Posted May 29, 2019 He's a liar, who cares about the "exclusive" talk, you were together 2 months and you've proven he's a liar. 1
CLS63AMG Posted May 29, 2019 Posted May 29, 2019 To be honest it’s the lying that’s getting to me, the fact he’s talking and possibly sleeping with others isn’t ideal but as you mentioned we never discussed exclusivity. However lying to my face and saying he isn’t when I know he is is turning me off. I think I will say listen I know your seeing others, I don’t appreciate being lied to. My worry is if he lies about this then what else will he lie about it really doesn’t make sense to me. A girl I dated last year told me she was off the site we met on after the 5th date so I also left the site. I checked it while she was on vacation and saw her all new profile, including pictures from her trip. I called her out on it and she told me she wasn't on there. (Site showed she had been active that week). I told her it was over and that it was nice getting to know her but for the love of god at least tell the truth. She kept insisting she wasn't. She's a liar, a month or so later the profile was active again after she had deleted it when I saw it. Live and learn
rightondude Posted May 29, 2019 Posted May 29, 2019 the thing about snooping is, sometimes you find out stuff you'd rather not know. I guess it's possible he won't lie any more once y'all are "exclusive" ... you could hedge your bets on that. But usually, once someone gets away with it once, they don't stop. Have fun with that. 1
camillalev Posted May 29, 2019 Posted May 29, 2019 (edited) But I did ask him again if he was seeing others and he said no that he hasn’t been on a date since we met but what I read says otherwise. he said he didn’t need a label and assumed we already where So he assumed you guys were exclusive but he was still seeing other people? Yes at this stage he is allowed to see others, but by his own explanation he was cheating? He lied to you because he wants you to be exclusive to him while he sees and sleeps with other people. And his whole "I don't need labels" is typical f*ckboy behavior. He wants you to functionally be his girlfriend without actually being his girlfriend. And instead of owning up to it, he's making flimsy excuses? "It might have been my ex"? What about your health? What if you don't want to sleep with/don't consent to sex with someone who is sleeping around? You're in your right to know what risk you're putting your body and health in. At this stage if he wants to keep things open and see where things go, he's totally in his right to do so - it's super early on. But you are also in your right to decide if that's right for your body and your own personal wellbeing. You guys have only been together for a few weeks and he's already lying to you. You wont be able to trust him if this goes any further. Also, it's only been 8 weeks. You're not in a place where there's a lot at risk if you split or a lot of history. I would personally would not date someone who was not honest and up front with me. But now that you have the facts(that he's still lying about/trying to cover up) you can make an informed decision about whether this is someone you want to attempt a stable, honest relationship with. Edited May 29, 2019 by camillalev 1
fishlips Posted May 29, 2019 Posted May 29, 2019 So both of you lied? It doesn't sound like this is going anywhere. I would let him go and find someone you can actually talk to without worrying about what is the truth. It's only been a couple of months, so no big loss here.
smackie9 Posted May 29, 2019 Posted May 29, 2019 (edited) OK I read your first post and come on, you know where this is going....nowhere. He's multi-dating and you are an option. What else do you need to know? You are sure as heck ain't gonna get a relationship out of this guy. I don't even know why you are even still taking to him. Rule of thumb: No sex before exclusivity. Edited May 29, 2019 by smackie9 2
olivetree Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 Snooping through someones phone after mere weeks of dating would probably be a deal breaker for most people. You don't have the relationship foundation for him not to be super weirded out by that. Plus you lied about the friend seeing him. Strike two against you. That said, this guy straight up lied about seeing/sleeping with other people. That is no white lie. Also, this guy is just not that into you if he's still messing around with others, exclusive or not (IMHO), 8 weeks in. I would also avoid in the future telling a guy you're dating that your friend saw him with another girl and then asking him about exclusivity. That's like rewarding a dog for crapping on your floor. 1
Cinnamon_Girl Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 (edited) I'd just tell him the truth. You mistaken his phone to yours and you looked by accident. Then you just couldnt stop looking and found out he's lying and that's a deal breaker. He will probably shift the blame to you at first for snooping. Dont let him guilt trip you. Then he will probably say "but we arent exclusive". But dont let him digress. It's not about sex, it's about the lie. Then he may start begging you, promising he wont do it anymore. Be strong and dont fall for his trap. Once a liar, always a liar. You woulnt believe this is the first and last time in his life that he lies, right? I agree completely! He sounds like the type who will try to turn this around, and make it all about you snooping, instead of him lying. You looked at his phone by accident, then when you saw that something fishy was up, you continued to look, as any normal person would. I say if he accepts responsibility, admits he lied, realizes he could lose you, and tries to make things right/exclusive, I say give him a chance. If he tries to turn it around on you, you have your answer as to what kind of person he is. Also, I would wait longer than two weeks before having sex. I wait quite a while, and those who have been worth it stick around, those who aren't worth it have done me the favor of no longer contacting me. Edited May 30, 2019 by Cinnamon_Girl
OatsAndHall Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 1. He lied to you. 2. He lied to you. 3. He's actively seeking out other women via social media and sleeping with them while sleeping with you. Time to cut ties. 1
stillafool Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 To be honest it’s the lying that’s getting to me, the fact he’s talking and possibly sleeping with others isn’t ideal but as you mentioned we never discussed exclusivity. However lying to my face and saying he isn’t when I know he is is turning me off. I think I will say listen I know your seeing others, I don’t appreciate being lied to. My worry is if he lies about this then what else will he lie about it really doesn’t make sense to me. If you don't tell him the truth about how you found this information you both will be liars. I hope you're award of that. 1
crispytoast Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 He lied. Then you lied. Then he lied some more. His lies are worse and more plentiful. But you both lied. Try to make it work and the most likely course of the relationship is into unhealthier, more dishonest territory. If you do this, I'd say you're meant for each other. I know this sounds harsh but it gets better: there can be a silver lining. Learn from your mistakes. Get him out of your life. Don't argue, don't give him a chance to explain himself, just kick his punk ass to the curb. Then find someone new, stay honest and up front with him, and with any luck, he will be the man you would then deserve, who is a man who is also up front and honest with you. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this and I wish you good decisions and good luck moving forward. 1
allez102 Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 But he has every right to do so! They never agreed to be seeing each other exclusively. He might have said he wasn’t seeing anyone at the particular moment, but he could have met a girl at the gym 3 days later, find her attractive, go on a date and sleep with her. As long as no agreement is reach and discussed, in my opinion, both are free to do whatever they want. Sophie I’m with you on this one. If there is no conversation about exclusivity, one should assume that what they have is not exclusive. He was entitled to date around. That said, this guy is displaying some classic f*ckboy behaviour, especially the “we don’t need labels”, that’s a classic! There’s a guy out there for you who would be desperate to make you his and put a label on you so as not to lose you. You’re a mere option to him and his messages subsequently are damage control. Don’t bring up the phone. You don’t need to, you know everything you need to know. Just tell him you’re no longer interested or that you’re on different pages. Future lesson: don’t snoop! Its not okay, especially not to do in an 8 week old situationship. It implies to me your trust was never there for him in the first place. 2
OatsAndHall Posted May 31, 2019 Posted May 31, 2019 Future lesson: don’t snoop! Its not okay, especially not to do in an 8 week old situationship. It implies to me your trust was never there for him in the first place. I agree that digging through someone's phone isn't kosher but the OP stated that she picked up his phone on accident, saw the messages from other women and then started snooping. As such, I understand why she did what she did. I had the same sort of thing happen with my ex-wife. She was in the shower, her phone went off again and again, we had the same basic notification tone, I thought it was mine (same phones, same cases), grabbed it and saw some messages she should have been better at hiding.
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