preraph Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 I don't think she sounds off. I think she hates getting men after her when she's not interested and having to deal with them -- like THIS. So she nips it in the bud so there's no danger she's leading them on. 3
bathtub-row Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 How many people have asked a third party if another person was available or not? Pretty much everybody. The girl sounds overly sensitive if you ask me. Gorgeous or not, she’s way too easily offended, which often equals high maintenance.
frus69 Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 How many people have asked a third party if another person was available or not? Pretty much everybody. The girl sounds overly sensitive if you ask me. Gorgeous or not, she’s way too easily offended, which often equals high maintenance. To be honest, I once met a guy in public transport and he started chatting with me. Just friendly chat but he asked me if Im married. I was not interested in him at all so that question made me feel off . But I brushed it off. Ever since then I started running into him all the time in public transport. And he'd always talk to me when he saw me. Just friendly chat but I just felt like he was stalking me. Maybe he just shares the same morning routine with me but I was grossed out by him nevertheless. I had to eventually change my bus to avoid him. For some of us girls, unrequired interest is annoying. My guess is this lady was just being friendly until OP asked about her relationship status and that turned her off a little. Then OP kept chatting her up and that eventually turned her off big time. And if OP actually didnt offer her any help job wise, she would think OP was trying to stalk her by getting her CV info. That's inappropriate. 3
bathtub-row Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 For some of us girls, unrequired interest is annoying. My guess is this lady was just being friendly until OP asked about her relationship status and that turned her off a little. Then OP kept chatting her up and that eventually turned her off big time. And if OP actually didnt offer her any help job wise, she would think OP was trying to stalk her by getting her CV info. That's inappropriate. What's so difficult about just saying 'thank you' when a guy compliments a woman about something? Yes, stalking, not going away or taking hints is a different story. But this guy talked to her and all seemed well. Perhaps it's context but, sometimes, women overreact.
frus69 Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 What's so difficult about just saying 'thank you' when a guy compliments a woman about something? Yes, stalking, not going away or taking hints is a different story. But this guy talked to her and all seemed well. Perhaps it's context but, sometimes, women overreact. But OP is interested in her so its not just innocent compliments anymore. Its persistent interest after she turned him down once. And that's probably what turned her off. 1
Marc878 Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 You seem to have read her wrong. Men tend to do that. She was friendly doesn't mean anything. I know a lot of guys if they get a smile the girl must be in love with them. Sounds to me like she is cutting you off before you ask for more. 3
damni Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 What's so difficult about just saying 'thank you' when a guy compliments a woman about something? Yes, stalking, not going away or taking hints is a different story. But this guy talked to her and all seemed well. Perhaps it's context but, sometimes, women overreact. Well she has a boyfriend for one and he may not been happy she was hanging with a guy who liked her. So she took a step away from him. They reconnect a year later and he hits on her again she was likely annoyed at that point because she thought he genuinely wanted to help her for her talent, not her looks. 2
frus69 Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 I also get a feeling OP is quiet older than her. Maybe she's 25 he's 35? Probably another reason why she is creeped out. Just my guess
elaine567 Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 It could be age it could be any number of things but she had friendzoned him in her mind and in her actions and the fact he was still "trying" was upsetting to her. It is as if her opinions, wants and needs do not matter. She is not some doll on a shelf to be picked up at will, she is a human being. She realised he was not a friend trying to be friendly, he was being friendly as he wanted to get into her knicks... Women who make their position clear, to be frankly ignored by men thinking they have a right to pursue, tend to have to resort to harsh measures. Here she felt she had to cut him off, as it was going down a path she was not comfortable with. She wasn't personal, she wasn't nasty, she just re-iterated her position. No-one can MAKE a person desire you and see you as gf/bf material. If they friendzone you, then stop trying, it only leads to heart ache. This includes FWBs, if they suggest putting you in the FWB zone they usually have no intention of making you their gf/bf. 5
Veronica73 Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 I agree with elaine. Especially don’t hit on someone that you offered to help with a job. That is really creepy and disappointing, especially after they made it clear already that they aren’t interested in you that way. And yes, saying someone looks “stunning” in their profile picture is absolutely going to come across as if you are hitting on them. So yes, you were absolutely being inappropriate. I’m actually surprised that there are so many people who think you weren’t. 4
Gaeta Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 so at the gym where i go there is a girl that works at the bar and have been chatting to her a few times and met her last year. yh she is gorgeous and friendly. so last year we were talking and we played tennis together. i liked her and asked her mutual friend (who works at the gym also) about her relationship status. She was seeing someone so she said we could hang out as friends. she stopped talking to me when she found out i asked her mutual friend about her status. she didnt like i went behind her back to ask her friend about her. anyways fast forward 8 months later i see her working at the bar at the gym again and we spoke. she mwntioned how she is studying pharmacy and is looking for aome work experience over summer. i said send me your cv (resume) i have family in that industry that could help. It distursbes me that you offered to call on your family so easily to help a woman that stopped talking to you 8 months ago in such a crude way. You were overly generous with her and she didn't deserve it. Keep your resources for people that really deserve it. You were innapropriate because she had already advice you she was in a relationship. If I tell a guy I am in a relationship and not interested in him pursuing me, yes I will find it innapropriate he follows by messsaging me I am stunning in my dress. 2
d0nnivain Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 how can i learn from this. and what did i do wrong? thanx You went wrong by failing to recognize that she is not interested in you romantically. When you asked about her status, she got angry & cut you off. You two chatted again & she was OK with acquaintanceship, especially when she thought it might advance her career. You complimented her & fished for details about her availability in the hopes that she would be free to go out with you. She was well aware that you liked her as more then a friend / tennis buddy but she wanted no part of that. When you mentioned how she looked, she snapped. Her response was actually rude. She could have shut you down just as effectively without being nasty. She chose mean, rather than polite. In that sense, consider yourself lucky. She's really not the most quality person.
thefooloftheyear Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 (edited) Sure, she was direct, but who cares.?? The end result is the same.. No foul on your part, really, but I agree with the others that say you should have realized earlier that there wasn't mutual interest...I have known guys that relentlessly pursue women to the point where its pathetic...If there is no interest then just move on.. TFY Edited May 28, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language 5
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 She needed to knock your dick in :lmao: Never heard that one before! 1
preraph Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 But OP is interested in her so its not just innocent compliments anymore. Its persistent interest after she turned him down once. And that's probably what turned her off. Absolutely. once you have already made it clear you're not interested in the person continues to pursue you, it's just disrespectful and it can get scary and annoying. It is stalkerish. once you have rejected them and they continue to pursue they have crossed a boundary and it's disrespectful. At the point they don't care if you like it or not it becomes at least mildly threatening. People who can't take no for an answer are a problem.
JuneL Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 She shouldn’t have agreed to let him pass along her resume though, if she found him so repulsive!
elaine567 Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 No-one said she finds him "repulsive", she just doesn't want to get into a romantic relationship with him. Yes she could have led him on, used his "crush" on her to further her career, but she choose not to do that. 2
thefooloftheyear Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 She shouldn’t have agreed to let him pass along her resume though, if she found him so repulsive! Honestly, agreeing to play tennis with him was more confusing than passing along a resume...I don't think most women would do that if they suspect someone has interest and they don't..But still...no tragedy on her part.. But don't feed the incels...A woman shouldn't have to hold up a giant stop sign to show she's not interested in a relationship....I would think its not that big of a deal to think that if a contact could lead to a job and nothing more it shouldn't be seen as a come on... TFY 2
JuneL Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 Honestly, agreeing to play tennis with him was more confusing than passing along a resume...I don't think most women would do that if they suspect someone has interest and they don't..But still...no tragedy on her part.. But don't feed the incels...A woman shouldn't have to hold up a giant stop sign to show she's not interested in a relationship....I would think its not that big of a deal to think that if a contact could lead to a job and nothing more it shouldn't be seen as a come on... TFY The thing is, apparently, she didn’t know he’s interested in her romantically when they played tennis (before he checked her relationship status with her friend).
thefooloftheyear Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 The thing is, apparently, she didn’t know he’s interested in her romantically when they played tennis (before he checked her relationship status with her friend). Guys don't play much tennis with women that aren't siblings, coaches, or relatives if they don't think they may get their balls played with after the match.... TFY 1
JuneL Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 Guys don't play much tennis with women that aren't siblings, coaches, or relatives if they don't think they may get their balls played with after the match.... TFY I just thought they happened to be in the same gym so...thinking back, I did have a few guys ask me to play squash when I was younger and single (and they did have ulterior motives).
lurker74 Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 OP, I used to be like you. Sometimes I still am. But I'm working on it. And here is the problem...we men tend to view women to whom we are attracted as somehow special. And then when we see them as special, we treat them differently than we would other women or men. And that's perfectly fine in the dating world. We are, after all, trying to see them naked eventually (and sometimes more!). But when you transferred the situation to a vague, I can help this girl, phase, you entered the professional world with her, yet still kept the dating world language. If she were a man passing on her CV, would you have told him he looked great in his suit on Whatapp? Most likely not. Listen, keep your dating world separate from the work and professional world and next time you are confused about something in the work world, before you say or text, ask yourself, "Would I say this if she had a penis?" By seeing some women as special (and by that, I mean women to whom we are attracted), we tell ourselves a particularly seductive lie...we tell ourselves that we're doing this for their own good. And I have many female friends who tell me that when that happens, it's very creepy. 4
preraph Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 I wanted to add that just in general, telling a woman she's stunning should be reserved for women you are already dating and sleeping with. That is way over-the-top to tell any woman you don't have a romantic relationship with already. 1
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