fred123 Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 so at the gym where i go there is a girl that works at the bar and have been chatting to her a few times and met her last year. yh she is gorgeous and friendly. so last year we were talking and we played tennis together. i liked her and asked her mutual friend (who works at the gym also) about her relationship status. She was seeing someone so she said we could hang out as friends. she stopped talking to me when she found out i asked her mutual friend about her status. she didnt like i went behind her back to ask her friend about her. anyways fast forward 8 months later i see her working at the bar at the gym again and we spoke. she mwntioned how she is studying pharmacy and is looking for aome work experience over summer. i said send me your cv (resume) i have family in that industry that could help. so we sent a couple of emails afterwards. just friendly emails about how her uni exams etc were going. anyways today i sent her a watsapp message saying " hey have u finished uni? whats your plans for summer? btw nice watsapp pic. you look stunning in your dress. hope ur well." she replied " hi fred. i do not want your help anymore with my pharmacy work as you are inappropriate. please dont contact me again" how can i learn from this. and what did i do wrong? thanx
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 Nothing you have described is inappropriate. Is there something you're leaving out that would explain it better? Any other interactions you've had with her?
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 If everything happened exactly the way you've described, you didn't do anything wrong. My guess is she just isn't attracted to you, may even be turned off. A set of behaviors from someone we're attracted to can be accepted and even desired, but those same behaviors become annoying or even offensive if the attraction isn't there. Not exactly fair, but it is what it is. If I were you, I'd stay away from this woman to avoid any problems or false accusations. 1
Happy Lemming Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 (edited) As adults I think we know what is inappropriate and what is not. I would tend to agree with "CautiouslyOptimistic", nothing you described is offensive or inappropriate. Based on your brief interactions with this woman, you really don't know her all that well. She could be just stuck-up. Or she could be a gold-digger and your wallet just isn't big enough. Either way, what do you care?? Does her opinion really matter to you?? When a woman rejects or breaks up with me, I hit my internal mute button and I'm gone before she can finish her sentence. You've got to have thick skin to date or even interact with some women. Move on... NEXT!! Edited May 28, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
elaine567 Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 She's not interested in you. she didn't like the way you went behind her back to find out her status and now you are commenting on her looks, when she had what she thought was a platonic/business arrangement with you. She has thus felt it necessary to cut you off dead as you were getting the wrong idea... 5
Lotsgoingon Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 You look stunning in the dress ... is fine ... again, depends on what else was said. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 She's not interested in you. she didn't like the way you went behind her back to find out her status and now you are commenting on her looks, when she had what she thought was a platonic/business arrangement with you. She has thus felt it necessary to cut you off dead as you were getting the wrong idea... That's how I'm reading it, too. While another woman might have appreciated the compliment, this woman already gave a clear signal she didn't like you crossing that platonic boundary. I don't think the comment about the dress was anything terribly off-colour, in and of itself, but in the greater context of your interactions with her, it wasn't a great idea. You offered to help her with work. It would have been best to stick with that, as she now likely thinks you only offered this as a way to hit on her. 2
The Outlaw Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 No, I don't think you were inappropriate, but some people like to make a big deal out of absolutely nothing, and it doesn't take any effort to ruffle feathers these days. Inappropriate? Good grief. She did you a favor.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 Had you talked to her on Whatsapp before? I have never used it so pardon me for not knowing the right question to ask, but.....did you have to "stalk" her to be able to contact her that way or had you previously communicated through that app? 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 so last year we were talking and we played tennis together. i liked her and asked her mutual friend (who works at the gym also) about her relationship status. She was seeing someone so she said we could hang out as friends. she stopped talking to me when she found out i asked her mutual friend about her status. she didnt like i went behind her back to ask her friend about her. I just want to say that I really do have sympathy for men who are trying to navigate being proactive and the pursuer in dating and also not set off a #metoo trigger I don’t think you did anything “wrong” per se. If this was all there was to it then I would say she was being a bit rude about communicating her boundary. The only thing I will say in terms of a critique that you can take with you going forward is that if there is even a hint that a woman does not reciprocate your interest the first time you try then don’t try again. You admit she did not like that you asked about her in that way the first time and stopped talking to you. If I was a guy that would be my que that she is not interested and leave her alone all together. I say for men if a woman doesn’t respond positive to your pursuit or when show romantic interest the first time then you don’t keep pursuing her. Pursue someone else who clearly is receptive and responds positive. Good luck 1
Tamfana Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 She's not interested in you. she didn't like the way you went behind her back to find out her status and now you are commenting on her looks, when she had what she thought was a platonic/business arrangement with you. She has thus felt it necessary to cut you off dead as you were getting the wrong idea... Yeah, I agree. This is probably the reason. It's better to hit on other clients at the gym, not the staff. Being friendly to clients is part of the job for staffers. It shouldn't be interpreted as personal interest.
preraph Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 She's not interested in you. she didn't like the way you went behind her back to find out her status and now you are commenting on her looks, when she had what she thought was a platonic/business arrangement with you. She has thus felt it necessary to cut you off dead as you were getting the wrong idea... ^ This. Inappropriate, though not a cardinal sin, to continue to flatter someone once they have made clear they are not interested, which she did when she stopped talking to you after finding out you were interested. Now you act like you'll help her professionally but right behind that, you go fishing to see if now she'll be more interested in you by throwing her an over-the-top compliment. In other words, she thinks you thought you could buy her by doing her a favor. Better just steer clear of her and don't even do her the favor. 1
Gretchen12 Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 when someone is looking for employment, and you say send me your cv I know someone who can help, the assumption is that this is a job lead. Possibly she sent the cv then found out your source had either no means or no desire to get her a job. The let down was not so much that she didn't get the job, but that you misled her. 2
basil67 Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 When a woman has been clear that she does not want romance, treat her like a man. Don't do or say anything that you wouldn't say to any other bloke in your life. Perhaps you'd offer to connect a mate to a potential job link. This is fine. But would you tell a mate that he looks stunning in his suit on his whatsapp profile? I truly hope not. 5
emeraldgreen Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 The devil's in the details. For example, if she emailed you the CV but you used that to get her WhatsApp, that would be stalky and inappropriate. If it was all above board and she just has a stick up her ass, that's on her. 2
frus69 Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 You didnt tell us the whole story. How did you get her number(whatsapp)
greymatter Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 I could barely get past the "u" instead of you and "ur" instead of you are. I like it when the man I'm with writes intelligently (and at the very least takes the trouble to type out simple words). Something to consider when you are trying to gain the interest of a woman, especially one who is educated and pursuing a professional career. Yes, you were inappropriate as she had made it clear that she isn't interested, and even stopped talking to you, then you acted like you sincerely wanted to help her, only for her to find out you are still after her despite her well communicated lack of interest. Next time take the hint and let it go if someone is avoiding you, otherwise you come off as really creepy. 3
JuneL Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 The devil's in the details. For example, if she emailed you the CV but you used that to get her WhatsApp, that would be stalky and inappropriate. If it was all above board and she just has a stick up her ass, that's on her. Good catch! So his commenting on her looks wasn’t inappropriate, but his getting her phone number from her resume without asking was. 1
Author fred123 Posted May 27, 2019 Author Posted May 27, 2019 You didnt tell us the whole story. How did you get her number(whatsapp) i already had her number from last year from when we played tennis. and its on her cv anyways
frus69 Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 Did you get her permission to add her on whatsapp Did you actually help her with the job at all Do you compliment her multiple times during your interactions back then and now Do you ask her personal questions
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 i already had her number from last year from when we played tennis. and its on her cv anyways Did you use Whatsapp to contact her during your tennis playing days?
Author fred123 Posted May 27, 2019 Author Posted May 27, 2019 Did you use Whatsapp to contact her during your tennis playing days? yes thats how we used to communicate
bachdude Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 It's not surprising she got bent out of shape over his compliment - she already showed herself to have an rod up her bum by cutting off a friendship with the OP over an insignificant question. The bigger question is why did the OP continue to a pursue her after she showed her true colors? OP, the lesson learned is, DON'T POKE THE HIPPO 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 It's not surprising she got bent out of shape over his compliment - she already showed herself to have an rod up her bum by cutting off a friendship with the OP over an insignificant question. The bigger question is why did the OP continue to a pursue her after she showed her true colors? OP, the lesson learned is, DON'T POKE THE HIPPO I think this is probably accurate given the additional info. She sounds a little "off." 1
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