mortensorchid Posted June 18, 2019 Posted June 18, 2019 I have said this before and I will say it again: Coworkers are NOT FRIENDS. It's easy for you to think that coworkers are friends because you spend more time with them than you will anyone else, but they are not. Need some examples? I have plenty. In general you should be nice but not too nice, don't share a lot about yourself and the things that you do with them. Keep things all business with them. Why? People take things about you and use them against you, even trivial things. It's happened to me many times. The world's full of lonely people and humans are social creatures who crave companionship, we are not hamsters (solitary creatures who should be kept alone otherwise they will fight sometimes to the death for conquest of the realm). Whatever you do, try to have friends and acquaintance outside of the workplace. Never have your social or sexual needs met by those you work with. But I digress ... In your situation, I would avoid social media with this guy. He may take things and use them against you with those you work with. If you get to the point of exchanging phone numbers, keep your relationship to texts and phone calls. It's a sticky situation sometimes to friend former coworkers on social media. Guess what happened to me? I lost my job a scant three weeks ago, and I said I would friend all my former coworkers now on social media. I found them, and they ALL ignored the request. I had their phone numbers (for business purposes, sometimes we would text personal things), and afterward I hoped to have a relationship (friendshipwise) with one of them because I felt we had a certain chemistry. After he canceled on me twice at the end of the first semester (we're teachers) at the last minute, I decided not to ask him out to breakfast again and let him ask me. He never did. At the end of the year party for our staff, he clearly had relationships outside of work with others around him who also came. I texted him a few times, work and personal, in the last two months of second semester, he never responded. When my last text went unanswered, I texted him back "I take it by your silence you are not interested in continuing our relationship. Best wishes to you." No response. Be ready for this to happen to you. It will hurt but it's another level of hurt. 1
JEG88 Posted June 18, 2019 Posted June 18, 2019 ^ Well that escalated quickly. OP, do you know whether the guy will keep in contact with other coworkers? As mentioned, just ask him in person or reach out with a polite message that shows your interest in meeting up. Courage is hard putting yourself out there, but nothing is gained if you don't try.
basil67 Posted June 18, 2019 Posted June 18, 2019 So I shouldn’t ask him then? Because he hasn’t shown explicit interest in me? He hasn't shown interest AND he doesn't live in your city. This means that your chances of a yes are not high. However, this doesn't mean you can't ask him. It simply gives a lower chance of success. Remember that every time you don't take a risk, you have no chance at success.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 18, 2019 Posted June 18, 2019 He hasn't shown interest AND he doesn't live in your city. This means that your chances of a yes are not high. However, this doesn't mean you can't ask him. It simply gives a lower chance of success. Remember that every time you don't take a risk, you have no chance at success. How has he not shown interest? He asked if they could be friends on Facebook and suggested they get together if they are in the same city (and maybe that's just the next city over?). As far as coworkers not being friends....that's ridiculous. Some of my best girlfriends are women I used to work with. I just went away for a girls weekend with them two months ago. And they all still work together (and are great friends).
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