lindt1111 Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 Theres a guy at work I have liked for a while now. I was planning on building up a rapport and getting more comfortable before asking him out, but he told me a few weeks ago he is leaving soon. I didnt know when exactly until he asked me last week what days I was working next week as this week was his last and he is finishing Thursday. I would really like to get to know him more outside work but now with such limited time my only option would be via social media as I dont have his phone number. But how should I ask him via such means? I have read so many posts before not to ask anyone out via FB but it really is my only means. What would I say to him though?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 Are you not going to see him at all at work before the leaves?
Author lindt1111 Posted May 27, 2019 Author Posted May 27, 2019 only one day, but he is rarely alone he is always with his team or colleagues or else there are other staff around. Very difficult get him alone unless I ask to speak to him alone even then what would I say
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 only one day, but he is rarely alone he is always with his team or colleagues or else there are other staff around. Very difficult get him alone unless I ask to speak to him alone even then what would I say Well, you could get him a going away card and put your phone number in it. Although, in this case, I don't think it would be weird to ask him out via Facebook. You know him in real life....it's not just a stranger you saw on Facebook, KWIM?
Author lindt1111 Posted May 27, 2019 Author Posted May 27, 2019 yes I do. Plus hes leaving so even if he says no I wont have to worry about seeing him afterwards. But I havent messaged him before on FB so how would I go about sending him a message and asking him out without looking strange/desperate?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 yes I do. Plus hes leaving so even if he says no I wont have to worry about seeing him afterwards. But I havent messaged him before on FB so how would I go about sending him a message and asking him out without looking strange/desperate? I'm not sure why you think you would look strange or desperate? You could wait a few weeks, then send a message to just initiate contact and ask how the new job is going, then go from there. How does that sound?
kendahke Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 only one day, but he is rarely alone he is always with his team or colleagues or else there are other staff around. Very difficult get him alone unless I ask to speak to him alone even then what would I say You don't know his work extension so you can, I don't know, call him and ask? Dial 0--the company operator will put your call through. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 Yes, I think asking him out via FB is fine in this situation ... because you know he's leaving ... So the meeting has a reason ... you're not randomly stalking him and approaching him out of nowhere. Totally appropriate ... not desperate or weird at all. 1
Author lindt1111 Posted May 28, 2019 Author Posted May 28, 2019 we dont work in an office environment so dont have extensions or direct lines 1
Author lindt1111 Posted May 28, 2019 Author Posted May 28, 2019 Yes, I think asking him out via FB is fine in this situation ... because you know he's leaving ... So the meeting has a reason ... you're not randomly stalking him and approaching him out of nowhere. Totally appropriate ... not desperate or weird at all. thank you for replying. When would be the best time to do this? In a week or so after he leaves or in a few weeks to a month?
stillafool Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 only one day, but he is rarely alone he is always with his team or colleagues or else there are other staff around. Very difficult get him alone unless I ask to speak to him alone even then what would I say You would say "Would you like to go out sometime?"
lurker74 Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 Any time from right this second to some number of days after he's gone: "Hey Joe...it was great working with you a bit and hope where ever you're going works out. I'd love to stay in touch with you...mind if I text you instead of using FB? If so, what's your number?" 2
Author lindt1111 Posted May 28, 2019 Author Posted May 28, 2019 off topic, but he made a point of asking me was I working this week and asking what days I was working (for his last week). He didnt ask any other of my colleagues (to the best of my knowledge), is this a positive sign or am I reading too much in to it?
lurker74 Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 ^ Just stop over thinking it. Ask if he wants to hang our after work or next week. I know it's scary. But what fun would a roller coaster be if it never went up and down? 1
Lotsgoingon Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 Ask now ... or else you'll risk losing courage and procrastinating. Definitely don't calculate and spend energy figuring out how to "wait." That goes nowhere. You'll easily talk yourself out of contacting him.
kendahke Posted May 29, 2019 Posted May 29, 2019 off topic, but he made a point of asking me was I working this week and asking what days I was working (for his last week). He didnt ask any other of my colleagues (to the best of my knowledge), is this a positive sign or am I reading too much in to it? you're reading too much into it and living in the future. Stay grounded in the present. What's he done today to indicate interest? When you get a minute, check out NadiaGstar on Snapchat or IG and watch her hilarious "As the World Burns" sketch she's running--because it so addresses overthinking and social media dating from both points of view.
Author lindt1111 Posted May 29, 2019 Author Posted May 29, 2019 you're reading too much into it and living in the future. Stay grounded in the present. What's he done today to indicate interest? When you get a minute, check out NadiaGstar on Snapchat or IG and watch her hilarious "As the World Burns" sketch she's running--because it so addresses overthinking and social media dating from both points of view. He’s done nothing outstanding really hence why I feel like a fool asking him because I’m not sure it’s reciprocal. I do know he doesn’t have a gf he as much as told me that before but I’m still apprehensive
kendahke Posted May 29, 2019 Posted May 29, 2019 He’s done nothing outstanding really hence why I feel like a fool asking him because I’m not sure it’s reciprocal. I do know he doesn’t have a gf he as much as told me that before but I’m still apprehensive That was before, though... and you have he haven't spoken in a minute, so it's a good chance he has met someone since you got that information--I mean, you two haven't been in touch so you wouldn't know one way or the other, right? So since he's really done nothing to indicate unmistakable interest, I'd go with it was a pleasant way to end your professional dealings and he's onto other things that don't include/involve you. When a man is interested, there is no mistaking, no wondering, no guessing. You'll know.
Author lindt1111 Posted May 29, 2019 Author Posted May 29, 2019 So I shouldn’t ask him then? Because he hasn’t shown explicit interest in me?
kendahke Posted May 29, 2019 Posted May 29, 2019 So I shouldn’t ask him then? Because he hasn’t shown explicit interest in me? That is up to you and you're comfortable doing... but you run the risk of being the one who always has to reach out if you want to hear from him because he's not doing it. Did he ask for or receive any contact information from you?
Author lindt1111 Posted June 15, 2019 Author Posted June 15, 2019 Ok guys update- he came to my department two Fridays ago before he left and asked could he add me on Facebook. We spoke for a while about his plans etc and before he left he said if I am ever in the city he is moving to go let him know. So could this indicate he may be interested? What should I do now about arranging a meet up?
Lotsgoingon Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 Come on ... you got to give yourself permission to do what you want to do. I can't believe you didn't ask him out ... given that he's about to go out of own. All kinds of people come up to folks who are about to leave town. "We should get together before you ..." "It's be great if we could schedule something before you ..." "I'd like to schedule a sitdown before you leave ..." I bet he got a dozen of those requests ... and you know what?! ... He likely got a few of those from women who feel like you do about him. You missed your chance ... Sure, you can call him in the new location ... but why would you do that if you didn't call him here? If you can't ask someone out with all that cover and deniability (the ask could be just a friend/acquaintance move) maybe asking someone out isn't gonna work for you right now. Best thing about a lunch with someone like this ... it's only a casual lunch ... no pressure ... no expectation ... but if there is chemistry ... well that's great ...
Grey40 Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 I’ve doen it numerous times. I have found it’s only successful if you’ve met the person in real life at some point before. If it’s toally random, or you’ve never met in person, the chances of her agreeing to go out go down drastically.
stillafool Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 OP, when he asked if he could add you on FB that was your chance to ask him out. Why didn't you do that after making this thread? 1
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