Dating a guy at the gym

[lovesfool]

A few months ago a guy joined my gym and I thought he was very handsome. He certainly distracted me from my exercises a number of times. Nice guys come along every now and then, so I just got on with my life, and gym program, assuming nothing would happen. Two weeks ago I caught him glancing at me a few times, which he had never done before. It was surprising, but I didn't think much more of it. That is until I got home later that night.

 

I opened up my Tinder app and suddenly he appears. So, being brave I swiped right and to my shock, we matched! It's very rare for me to find a guy attractive and for him to be interested in me too so I had a smile from ear to ear for a long while afterwards.

 

I sent him a simple message saying "hi" and got a simple message back, along with the question "what gym do you go to". I told him, and I also said that "I think we go to the same one". I didn't get any reply and it's nearly been a week! I've seen him at the gym since, but I've avoiding making eye contact with him, mostly because I'm shy in those situations.

 

I'm really confused as to what happened and what to do. I've a lot of thoughts going through my head:

• He's afraid of it being awkward at the gym if he pursues anything and so doesn't reply
  
• He doesn't think I'm interested because I'm avoiding him at the gym
  
• He's just not interested (but why did he match on Tinder, seemingly knowing I was from the gym, messages me and then doesn't unmatch?)
  

 

I thought I might say hello or at least make eye contact with him the next time I'm at the gym, but I really don't know how to handle it. I'm not very good at chatting to guys in real life as I've been depending on Tinder for the past number of years. I don't want to make it any worse, or make it awkward at the gym I go to all the time.

 

What should I do?

[Garcon1986]

It seems like you want to know this guy without being exposed to the risk of disapproving looks from other girls at the gym?

 

I recommend responding to the texts on the dating app and arranging a meetup in a place you are comfortable with.

 

You snooze you lose applies to women as well Snap up the opportunity.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Hmmm, odd. Maybe he's not actually single and only uses Tinder for cheating so he doesn't want to engage with someone he sees "in real life." ??

[Versacehottie]

I think a lot of times people conduct a whole life digitally and then are embarrassed to talk to the very same people in real life. First of all, I think you tinder messaging from both ends was lackluster. So i think you should reach back out (just say "haven't seen you lately at the gym--even though you have" and get a much better convo on your end going which hopefully he runs with better and you too.

 

I also think you need to find a way to have some courage to say hi to him in person--then I think it will go well pretty fast--if you can do that. The thing that should help you have courage is he obviously thinks you are attractive. You've got to own that a bit more, be the confident one, almost tease him a bit for not talking in person. Try not to think much more than just that next time you bump into him--lower the stakes. Is he going to be your person, probably not. That's just a statistical reality--which should absolutely help you just talk to him. It's not a big deal and you should treat it that way. Which is more attractive. Goodluck

[introverted1]

Do you look a lot different in your Tinder pic than in person? I can't figure out why he'd ask you what gym you go to if he knew the answer. Sounds like maybe he didn't recognize you and now either realises he isn't attracted or doesn't want to risk the complication of dating someone who's at the gym at the same time he is.

[lovesfool]

It seems like you want to know this guy without being exposed to the risk of disapproving looks from other girls at the gym?

 

I recommend responding to the texts on the dating app and arranging a meetup in a place you are comfortable with.

 

You snooze you lose applies to women as well Snap up the opportunity.

 

I'm not worried about disapproving looks at all. I just feel awkward chatting up a guy in public I guess. I did respond to his message (singular!) on Tinder, but he hasn't responded to mine. Can't arrange a date if he doesn't reply

 

Hmmm, odd. Maybe he's not actually single and only uses Tinder for cheating so he doesn't want to engage with someone he sees "in real life." ??

 

I don't think so. I'm from a small city and I'm sure he would be caught out very quickly!

 

I think a lot of times people conduct a whole life digitally and then are embarrassed to talk to the very same people in real life. First of all, I think you tinder messaging from both ends was lackluster. So i think you should reach back out (just say "haven't seen you lately at the gym--even though you have" and get a much better convo on your end going which hopefully he runs with better and you too.

 

I also think you need to find a way to have some courage to say hi to him in person--then I think it will go well pretty fast--if you can do that. The thing that should help you have courage is he obviously thinks you are attractive. You've got to own that a bit more, be the confident one, almost tease him a bit for not talking in person. Try not to think much more than just that next time you bump into him--lower the stakes. Is he going to be your person, probably not. That's just a statistical reality--which should absolutely help you just talk to him. It's not a big deal and you should treat it that way. Which is more attractive. Goodluck

 

As I say earlier in this post, I can't message him again after two failed messages, would seem very desperate in my eyes. I think the next time I see him I will at least lock eyes and smile. Baby steps!

 

Do you look a lot different in your Tinder pic than in person? I can't figure out why he'd ask you what gym you go to if he knew the answer. Sounds like maybe he didn't recognize you and now either realises he isn't attracted or doesn't want to risk the complication of dating someone who's at the gym at the same time he is.

 

I have been told I look different in photos than in real life, but in a good way. I think I'm not the most photogenic! The last bit of your post might be the true reason, and I would understand if that was the case, but it would at least me nice of him to tell me. Not knowing is worse!

[Andy_K]

It's possible he doesn't want to pursue anything in case it gets awkward as you go to the same gym... but more likely it's just that most guys will swipe on girls they're only half interested in. A match doesn't really mean genuine interest. If he's not making much of an effort to talk to you, it's likely he's talking to other girls he's more into.

 

He might come round again if his other options run dry.

[The Outlaw]

Try practicing with a friend until you feel more comfortable approaching him. If he shows interest, keep it up. Make small talk, it doesn't have to be anything major. But you'll never know if you don't try.

[Foxhall]

your paths are likely to cross at the gym sometime in the next 3 weeks say!

 

see if you can make eye contact, get a bit of chat or flirting going,

 

If he is the one for you, the chat will flow and you will feel comfortable together,

 

if not well nothing ventured nothing gained,

 

versace' s post actually is the best one on the thread.

[basil67]

I'm with Andy. If it goes pearshaped, one of you will have to find a new gym - or new times to go. Too much potential inconvenience.

[Foxhall]

I disagree with Basil, at the end of the day people are trying to meet a potential partner, they should forget about worrying whether it will be awkward and so on,

 

sure even if the whole gym members found out, it would all be forgotten again in a week,

 

shyness too can be a big problem- take a chance you will be forever wondering

[Veronica73]

I agree that he doesn’t want to make things awkward at the gym. Maybe he’s not serious. Maybe he’s on the rebound. Maybe he just wants to hook up. Whatever...he’s not feeling it for whatever reason. I’d leave it personally.

[Interstellar]

So he just appeared in your Tinder app as soon as you got home after seeing him at the gym?

 

What are the odds of that happening? hah

 

You’re not telling us the whole story.

[frus69]

So he just appeared in your Tinder app as soon as you got home after seeing him at the gym?

 

What are the odds of that happening? hah

 

You’re not telling us the whole story.

 

I think he appeared because he was close. So tinder put his card in the front line of her stack.

 

 

I'd also just drop him. You messaged him, you carried on a convo. Trust me this is enough green light for any guy to make a move. But he didnt. He didnt even reply. He isnt interested enough to put in effort. Move on.

[gaius]

Loves, he didn't even recognize you for sure on tinder even though he's in close proximity to you on a regular basis. You're barking up the wrong tree and any further initiative on your part is just going to get your feelings hurt.

[Flame Aura]

As a guy, if I don't reply to a girl it's because I'm just not that into her.

 

All these other ideas about he doesn't want to make things awkward in the gym etc are just excuses.

 

If he was into you, he would make sure you knew, especially as he had the easiest chance in the world to set up a date or something when you messaged him.

 

Move on.

[lovesfool]

Loves, he didn't even recognize you for sure on tinder even though he's in close proximity to you on a regular basis. You're barking up the wrong tree and any further initiative on your part is just going to get your feelings hurt.

 

He did recognise me, and that's why he was looking at me in the gym that day. I think his question was just a coy way of bringing it up in conversation!

 

As a guy, if I don't reply to a girl it's because I'm just not that into her.

 

All these other ideas about he doesn't want to make things awkward in the gym etc are just excuses.

 

If he was into you, he would make sure you knew, especially as he had the easiest chance in the world to set up a date or something when you messaged him.

 

Move on.

 

I'd agree that if a guy didn't reply it would be a red flag that he's not into me. He did message me once, so I guess he was at least a little bit interested! I think this is a little different because we both see each other in the gym a few times a week. I did have the thought "don't poop where you eat", and maybe he did too after realising I go to the same gym and abandoned the chat (but didn't unmatch).

 

I saw him again at the gym today, but I didn't pluck up the courage to say anything. There wasn't an opportune moment anyway, but I think I'll at least smile at him the next time he walks by. If I get a negative response, I'll just forget about it and move on.

 

I don't think there's anything else I can do beyond messaging him again and seeming very desperate!

[frus69]

If you dont believe he isnt interested then go ahead and ask him out.

Mental gymnastic here isnt taking you anywhere