mrs rubble Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. I think your boyfriend is lazy and selfish, his excessive time off work would really bug me, I couldn't cope with being with someone so whimpy. Nobody needs 2 weeks off work for a sinus infection, he's taking advantage of you and then has the balls to complain that you haven't been to see him and his snuffly nose....just after your mother dies!! I'd lose him if I were you. 2
TooBad Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 What a barbaric and selfish thing to say! Perhaps she loves her mother and is devastated by her loss, that happened very recently. Does anyone here understand what it feels like to lose a parent? Does anyone here understand the STAGES OF GRIEF? It seems by the comments, no. You just don't walk this off after 2 days. My God! I understand grief and loss. I also understand that at times like that I'd like to be with the one I love. So that still leaves me with the opinion that there should be time together. Not just texts and phone calls. Looks to me like the emotional distance there is bigger than the physical distance.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted May 29, 2019 Posted May 29, 2019 Let's be serious here. If you can't make an hour of your time free to see your BF, it's time to rethink your priorities... and relationship. The fact that your mom died and you have a business don't count for me, sorry. If anything, I would think you would actually like to see him and have at least an arm around you. Life will always have hardships, but you cannot neglect your loved ones.
fishlips Posted May 29, 2019 Posted May 29, 2019 Okay, when I first read your post, I thought your BF had a serious illness but reading further down, he's missing six weeks of work for the flu, sinus infections, nosebleeds, etc.??? It sound like Dude is taking advantage of you because you are his GF. He doesn't sound like a good employee or a good BF. Plus, has he been there for you when you lost your mother? So sorry for your loss. 1
Redhead14 Posted May 29, 2019 Posted May 29, 2019 In a healthy relationship, people are drawn even closer usually in times of tragedy and stress and work together to help each other in some way. Neither of you are comforting/supporting each other. I think that says a lot. 4
Iris The Butterfly Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 Absolutely agree with Redhead. I think the emotional distance and his lack of effort with you and his work shows you his true colors. Think of other tragedies that will come up in life. Wouldn’t you want someone who would stand by you and “show up” in the relationship, work, travel time to make it as a team?? 1
Acacia98 Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 (edited) I'm very sorry for your loss, OP. --- I had a friend who used to bend over backwards to look after her husband when he was sick or going through a difficult time. A very loving wife she was. When the tables were turned and she was sick (usually much sicker than he had been), he did not reciprocate. In fact, he would act like he was more miserable than she was, and she'd feel obligated to put her convalesence on hold and look after her "sick" husband. He was selfish to the core. She was too selfless and self-effacing. She is dead today. Her chronic health conditions ultimately caught up with her. I tend to believe that, if she'd focused more on herself and less on him, she would still be with us today. I'm mentioning them because there's something in your story that reminds me of the dynamic of their relationship. But, fortunately for you, you have something my friend never did: the capacity to recognize that you've given more than you can afford to and have nothing left to give. Take the time to look after yourself. You've been through a nightmare of an experience. And it's not over. I don't understand why some say you're not supporting your BF. You already are. By taking on the extra load at work. By not demanding that he come and visit you. Don't be a martyr. Look after yourself. If that means ending the relationship, so be it. If it means telling him you can't do much because you're mourning, so be it. Mental and emotional health are way more important than many realize. Edited June 1, 2019 by Acacia98 1
Author CloudyHead Posted June 3, 2019 Author Posted June 3, 2019 I appreciate the responses as they have given me much to think about as well as different perspectives. I have a gamut of emotions/feelings at this point. BF returned to work last week. The "not coming to see me while I was sick" was brought up again. I reminded him that when I returned to work two weeks after Mom's passing that I suggested that we break up. I had told him that I did not think I could give as much attention to him and the relationship; and, he said he did not want to break up. I also asked him which he would rather have - me visiting him that last week or him getting paid? No response to that question. He did said that if I was sick for two weeks that he would not visit me in return for me not visiting him. I do think that I have emotionally pulled away from him over the past six months. I did not realize that I had done so until reading some of these comments. My attempts to talk to him have failed as he gets mad and lashes out then literally walks away. 1
Orokotikki Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 Fire, dump, and block. For your sake and for his, to hopefully help them learn to grow up and get his head outta his ass. 2
FMW Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 Fire, dump, and block. For your sake and for his, to hopefully help them learn to grow up and get his head outta his ass. Absolutely agree. 1
Versacehottie Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 Again so sorry for what you are going through. I don't like that he's threatened you with retaliation (i.e. "if you get sick he won't visit you"). TBH, sounds borderline emotional abusive and at very least leaves the argument simmering indefinitely. I also don't think when you've had a parent pass away that you were off work for 2 weeks and he has a sinus infection and was off for 6 weeks is reasonable at all. It feels like he is taking you for a ride. At this point you are his financial lifeline, so that could be one very big reason he doesn't want to break up. It's not a good one. Plus importantly, the choice is yours as well. If you want to break up with him, you can. Good luck 1
kendahke Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 Yeah, he's keeping score when he is so on the losing side of everything here. OP, your mental and emotional well being is most important, not coddling a grown man-child taking advantage of you. And the tipping of his hand by telling you he will retaliate is, IMO, a firing/dismissing offense. Make sure you speak with who runs your HR department to find out just exactly how badly he's been taking advantage of the company and abusing your resources. 4
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