RSEJ Posted May 25, 2019 Posted May 25, 2019 (edited) Ok i will try to keep this brief, she is from Korea but we live in country X (ill just called it that) January - Met a girl and just saw her as a friends with benefits February - I started to like her but didn't even know it, and didn't say anything just carried on having fun. March - Took her out for dinner - on the same night i saw her with another guy, who she said she had kissed. I confronted her and told her how i felt. She was upset she thought i only wanted her for sex. She wasn't my girlfriend and i hadn't really taken her out apart from that, so i let it slide and we started dating . end of March - She told me that her ex bf of 5 years got in touch and said he was coming back to country X to be with her - after me basically forcing (verbally) it out of her, she wanted to be with him. The same night she happened to be at the same party as me (she apparently knew i was going) - she ended up telling her ex not to come and wanting me back. May - Last night I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said no she wasnt ready, she said "i dont want a boyfriend right now, im not ready for a relationship because i give so much of myself, i feel trapt"....whatever that means...I then asked her: 1. Do you like me, do you actually like me? she said yes i really like you. 2. Have you kissed anyone else, or slept with anyone or want someone else? She said absolutely no. 3. Are you ready to never see me again? she said no She then told me that her previous bf waited 2 years, and asked 4 times to be her bf - she views bf/gf almost like marriage. This ex physically abused her, she left korea because of this, she told me she was sorry, that she doesnt want to make the same mistake of thinking she knows someone (I think thats what she meant). Its been almost 6 months since ive known this girl - I actually do trust her. It's just very upsetting to hear that you cant progress together. I dont know what to do - I think i will start dating other girls at the same time... I told her "I can wait, but just give me a reason to stick around"... Any advice? Edited May 25, 2019 by RSEJ
d0nnivain Posted May 25, 2019 Posted May 25, 2019 How hung up are you on the label GF? She apparently thinks it's a big deal but is probably perfectly happy to carry on dating you without using the word GF. If you can let go of the word, but still date her exclusively would that be enough for you? If so, do that. I'm more concerned about how many times this girl has flip flopped & whether you are a rebound. If the EX abused her so much that she fled the country why is she still in any kind of contact with him? Why is she comparing you to him? For her to make you force the truth out of her was bad. Then for her to say the EX was coming & she prefers him only to do a complete 180 & pick you hours later indicates that this girl has no idea what she wants & can't make up her own mind. She's playing games. Be very afraid.
elaine567 Posted May 25, 2019 Posted May 25, 2019 (edited) RSEJ wrote; Its been almost 6 months since ive known this girl - I actually do trust her. It's just very upsetting to hear that you cant progress together. I dont know what to do - I think i will start dating other girls at the same time... Any advice? How about you just stop seeing her all together and then start dating others... This is a cultural thing, mixed up with an abusive ex, mixed up with starting as FWBs... This is not going to work out well so cut and run. Anything else will just end up in a mess and she may very well go back to that abusive ex anyway or find someone else she does want to turn into a bf... Edited May 25, 2019 by elaine567
Author RSEJ Posted May 25, 2019 Author Posted May 25, 2019 How hung up are you on the label GF? She apparently thinks it's a big deal but is probably perfectly happy to carry on dating you without using the word GF. If you can let go of the word, but still date her exclusively would that be enough for you? If so, do that. I'm more concerned about how many times this girl has flip flopped & whether you are a rebound. If the EX abused her so much that she fled the country why is she still in any kind of contact with him? Why is she comparing you to him? For her to make you force the truth out of her was bad. Then for her to say the EX was coming & she prefers him only to do a complete 180 & pick you hours later indicates that this girl has no idea what she wants & can't make up her own mind. She's playing games. Be very afraid. Thanks for reply. I dont know if it would be enough for me :/. I dont think im a rebound, she's not in contact with him, and this was 2 months into knowing her 2 months vs 5 years of knowing him. He contacted her out of the blue. Honestly... you know when someone tell you something and you try to ignore it but deep down you agree.... i feel the opposite, I deep down feel like shes not playing games, like she is genuine - in the past. Hmmm so confused RSEJ wrote; Its been almost 6 months since ive known this girl - I actually do trust her. It's just very upsetting to hear that you cant progress together. I dont know what to do - I think i will start dating other girls at the same time... Any advice? How about you just stop seeing her all together and then start dating others... This is a cultural thing, mixed up with an abusive ex, mixed up with starting as FWBs... This is not going to work out well so cut and run. Anything else will just end up in a mess and she may very well go back to that abusive ex anyway or find someone else she does want to turn into a bf... Im going to start dating other people, i deserve that.
chillii Posted May 25, 2019 Posted May 25, 2019 Yeah sorry man but l've gotta agree with others, she's got red flags the size of a bus. Culture or no culture all these excuses and ex's and bs , she's not feelin enough of the right stuff l'm afraid.
Author RSEJ Posted May 25, 2019 Author Posted May 25, 2019 Yeah sorry man but l've gotta agree with others, she's got red flags the size of a bus. Culture or no culture all these excuses and ex's and bs , she's not feelin enough of the right stuff l'm afraid. I wrote to her saying "Im ok to carry on dating. I have feelings for you and i think you have genuine feelings for me. Right now you arnt ready to put a label on it and i accept that" I just wrote that, will see what she says.... damn... I do not understand this girl.She said "look through my phone i havent been messaging other guys or even on other dates". So she really likes me and doesnt want to hook up with other guys... you'd think she'd want a relationship.
smackie9 Posted May 25, 2019 Posted May 25, 2019 Well this is it..you want her to be your GF and she said no. The only thing to do is to move on. Pretty simple. Don't be wasting your time on trying to convince her otherwise. She wants to screw and date multiple men at this time in her life...because she likes it. Maybe someday she will meet a guy she will really want to be with..sorry to say you will never be that guy...she has made that pretty clear. And btw she just lying to you to keep the fwb....you are being duped.
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