Author Madd_hatter Posted July 27, 2019 Author Share Posted July 27, 2019 Woah...last night was ROUGH! I actually do feel better today, and honestly can’t remember writing half of those things. I was feeling crappy and missing him but I think the alcohol really played up on those feelings..still, they were/are there. I’m still talking to Robb. We’ve only hung out twice since the day at the beach but we texted all the time. It’s a bit difficult because he lives far and I don’t have a car at the moment, and he’s partially running his dads company, so barely has the time to come here. We’re taking it slow. I know it doesn’t seem like an hour drive would be that hard, but it is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 If you have a driver’s license, you can rent a car and drive to him as well. It’s tough for one side to be doing all the driving. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 Hey, he's a guy who works hard whose dad owns a company. Get yourself back in a car and see how that goes. Sounds like a big improvement. And he likes the beach. Win/win. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted July 28, 2019 Share Posted July 28, 2019 If you have a driver’s license, you can rent a car and drive to him as well. This is actually a really good idea!! Way to go "JuneL"!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Madd_hatter Posted July 30, 2019 Author Share Posted July 30, 2019 This time I’m not drunk, and it’s not the middle of the night, but I’ve been crying just the same as I did the other night. I can’t control my emotions. I’m angry, hurt and sad. I feel so lonely. I feel like a reject. I feel like a failure. I don’t feel loved at all. I’m so angry at everyone in my life. I feel like no one is for me, everyone is somehow against me. Everything I do turns out wrong one way or another. I’m tired of worrying so much. I just want to be happy. Jason you’ve ruined my life. You’ve taken so many good years from me and I can’t ever get them back. You ruined me and you’re perfectly fine with that. You get to live your like smelling like a rose while I’m here, barely able to type from the tears that are filling my eyes. I am so so so so so mad at you. You’re a horrible person. So selfish, it disgusts me! I pray for you to have a change of heart and grow up enough to start thinking of others, and I pray for myself. I pray that God forgives me for becoming such a bitter person. I hate who I’ve become. I hate how you made me! YOU!!!! You did this to me!!! You’ve destroyed my spirit. You’ve stolen my joy. You taken my hope. And you have the nerve to play the victim!!!!! I’ve never seen a more self centered, childish, spoiled rotten person. You’re worse then my 5 year old niece. Grow the F up!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope I never see you again, I hate your guts!!!!! Oh I’d love to send that message. Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted July 30, 2019 Share Posted July 30, 2019 (edited) @MH Well, about time you got angry at the guy. That's something. Jason you’ve ruined my life. You’ve taken so many good years from me and I can’t ever get them back. ..but was just him that took a couple of those years away? He's certainly an a** for what he did and it's alright to hurt over it but don't you believe you have a hand in where your story goes? And really, were those years a way if you've learned something valuable out of it (Like the fact that you can eventually have good days again even after a heartbreak). If you pass all the blame over to some external source like this guy, you'll remove your responsibility to your life out of the equation which plays a huge influence to where your life goes. Don't do that. Take responsibility. Remind yourself, you can choose, even if those choices suck. Also, if I recall correctly, you're in your early 20's right? If so, you're still in your good years and you will be for some time. Take it a guy in his 30's who spent his entire 20's worrying about if he was getting old..don't waste your time. Just live and make the most of your life. - Beach Edited July 30, 2019 by Beachead 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted July 30, 2019 Share Posted July 30, 2019 Jason you’ve ruined my life. You’ve taken so many good years from me and I can’t ever get them back. He was your friend for many years. Its not like you two dated for many years and then he dumped you for someone else. You could have dated (other men) and still maintained a friendship with Jason. You are the one that made choices and had this "knight in shining armor" fantasy about Jason. He never made any promises to you. He didn't take away those years, you forfeited them. Jason had many opportunities to date you, but chose not to. He didn't want to date you and only wanted to be your friend. He had sex with you once. Sex that you agreed to and you knew he was about to propose to his girlfriend. How did he ruin your life?? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 30, 2019 Share Posted July 30, 2019 When you think the whole world is at fault for your problems, everyone around you, it's not them. It's you. You have to accept responsibility for your own life and actions and take control of your own choices and emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 Limerence is a bitch. It DOES end eventually though - just takes a lot longer then we'd like. You'll get there... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rayce Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 <<<HUGS>>> Don't listen to the haters who haven't experienced a broken heart in over a decade or more. I am almost 9 months NC and I am still bouncing back and froth between sadness and anger myself. Hang in there... this will pass.. we will get through it. Peace Link to post Share on other sites
LoverOfDance Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 MH, have you spoken to him recently? I sincerely hope not. Please continue to stay away. The only cure to all of this is distance, time and if you believe in God, prayer. You actually found someone else cute just recently so i would say you are making progress. Feel free to be angry for as long as you want. Blame everything on Jason if you need to (although half of the blame is actually yours) but whatever you do, do NOT go back to the person who broke you. Keep moving forward. Just keep moving. You are doing well even though you might not see it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ScaryPanda Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 <<<HUGS>>> Don't listen to the haters who haven't experienced a broken heart in over a decade or more. I am almost 9 months NC and I am still bouncing back and froth between sadness and anger myself. Hang in there... this will pass.. we will get through it. Peace No one's a "hater" here.. The issue is that MH has been wallowing in this nonexistent relationship for ages and instead of taking any accountability, she blames everyone around her. It's unhealthy to say the least. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Rayce Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 No one's a "hater" here.. The issue is that MH has been wallowing in this nonexistent relationship for ages and instead of taking any accountability, she blames everyone around her. It's unhealthy to say the least. I am sorry but I see them as "haters"... Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 Why? Because people won't let her wallow in self pity? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 If you keep this up, I'm going to say you need an extended inpatient stay because you can't accept reality, past or present. Snap out of it and get your life back or go get help and stick with it. I think the above is a good suggestion at this point. Jason has moved on with his life with his wife. You need professional help and maybe an extended stay at this point because you have not moved on and are wasting your life over unrequited love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 Why? Because people won't let her wallow in self pity? ^ This. And denial. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Madd_hatter Posted September 19, 2019 Author Share Posted September 19, 2019 Back here again and I guess y’all can tell what that means.. you guessed it. Back sliding big time. Monday was my birthday and I ran into him at a restaurant. He said hey and isn’t it your birthday. I said yes. And he said happy birthday. We talked for a few minutes. He left and took my heart with him. Haven’t seen it since. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 Is relocating off the table? I feel like you're going to continue to have these backslides if you're chronically able to run into him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 You're talking like you're pining over a several plus year deep relationship. There was never any relationship. It's taken over a year and you're not fully over a guy you never dated, made it clear he never wanted to date you but used you once for sex. It's quite ridiculous that you're acting this way really. You had nothing to pine over. He's not worth all this and he never was. Don't mean to sound harsh, but get a grip! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 Is relocating off the table? I feel like you're going to continue to have these backslides if you're chronically able to run into him. It may not make any difference as wherever she goes, she takes herself with her. She is determined to wallow, and I guess any trigger whether in Boston, Budapest or Baghdad will have her backsliding into despondency. There is comfort in wallowing. She does't want to let go as letting go, means he is really gone for good, caput, finito, finished, done, "dead"...and that is scary, by holding on to the grief, she keeps him "alive".. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 Did you get a new therapist yet? I'm starting to feel like you'll still be posting about this unrequited love again 5 years from now if you don't force yourself to make a change and get help. Do you want to end up an old lady pinning over a man who has long forgot you, making milestones with his wife, children and grand children? That is where you're headed if you don't wake up. I find it odd that you ran into him on your birthday at the same restaurant. What are the chances of that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 I find it odd that you ran into him on your birthday at the same restaurant. What are the chances of that? Something tells me that she is watching his social media or something and knew where he would be. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 (edited) @madd_hatter If I unexpectedly ran into someone I cared deeply for but no longer talked to, due to unrequited love, I'd also feel some type of way about it as well..which I have. It's tough but it's just a set back that doesn't last. Don't make it out to be anything more than it is. You'll dwell on it for a few days, maybe a few weeks, and then you'll be alright. - Beach Edited September 19, 2019 by Beachead Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 I have to agree with the posters who say OP is wallowing in her pain over a relationship that never actually haired in real life. MH, not to be harsh but to need to confront your feelings head on. This isn't love it's obsession and you need to deal with it! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 It may not make any difference as wherever she goes, she takes herself with her. She is determined to wallow, and I guess any trigger whether in Boston, Budapest or Baghdad will have her backsliding into despondency. I think if the person whats to heal and get better; a move is the perfect solution. Case in point, I had been dating this wonderful woman for 5 years. Life was perfect! Unfortunately, she passed away (suddenly and without warning). I fell apart and just couldn't get my life back together. So, I "pulled up stakes" and moved. The move was the key to helping me heal and getting my life back on-line. If "Madd_hatter" truly wants to heal, moving could be the solution to her problem. It could "jump start" her life and help her find happiness with another. Just my two cents. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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