Love conquers or am I falling for something that's going nowhere?

[JontySeal]

Wow I’m reading that back and I made a lot of typos! ... that’s what happens when you try and type something in bed!

 

Jonty, you sound so amazing! This girl (any girl for that matter) would be so lucky to have you choose them! I love how open and honest and non-cynical you are!! It’s a breath of fresh air, frankly.

Thank you I think that it does appear harder when you’re a bit unconventional to find the right person, but you got to stay true to who you are right! There’s no point otherwise!

 

Look, you are right, we can’t ever know for sure until we try to lay it all out there and on the line! If she means that much to you, you definitely should give it a shot. As long as you go in with both eyes open, with an open heart, and full honesty you should have a better start than many.

 

No one can live permanently as an island - the toll it takes is too much for anyone to bear all alone. I’m glad she’s at least told several of those close to her that the two of you have reconnected. My worry was the possibility of her keeping you as much of a secret as the self harming. It’s a positive sign, to me anyway, that you’re not being kept under wraps.

 

Keep us posted - I’m really looking forward to hearing how this all plays out. You truly seem so lovely, loving, and like the real deal.

 

I wish you well in luck and love!!!

Yeah, it’s funny, you would think with everything that went down last time there wouldn’t be anything still there between us - but there is! So maybe that does mean something. She knows what went wrong last time as much as I do so I would actually quite like to know what her thoughts are! I will try and talk to her I think (she’s driving me to the airport this morning which probably isn’t the best time for serious conversations outside of movie rom coms haha, so I’ll wait till I get back, but I will talk to her).

 

Yeah no they do they know, I think she’s just said we’re hanging out a bit - which is the truth tbf! I haven’t asked what they think about it, I feel like her mate is never going to be my biggest fan but, what can you do, never going to please everyone!

 

Thank you again though for your advice and kind words

[JontySeal]

Hey guys!

 

So I got home the other day and as planned I chatted to her. Got to be honest, it wasn't quite what I expected, even if i wasn't sure what to expect in the first place.

 

She said that she doesn't want me to think she called me that night to get back together with me, because she didn't. She called because I was the only person in that moment that she wanted to see or thought she could tell. But that she does like me, that I have always been the love of her life and that as soon as we spent more time together again she realised that even now she has never really been completely 'over' me.

 

But she also said she doesn't want to jump back in to what we had last time, because although some of it was great, there was issues and she needs to feel like we have both grown up enough for that to be different this time.

 

^ So this was weird, because this was basically going to be my line to her! Which is pretty much what I said!

 

I guess to really quickly summarise and take my own opinions and feelings out of it, and do her justice here, there are after all two sides to every story (and if im honest I probably never stopped to listen to hers before) then if it was her telling to you not me, what she would say is: that I felt like she broke up with me but that she never wanted the relationship to end. That she always felt that because I was good with words and she wasn't, she struggled to represent herself well at points in the relationship. I think the jist is that maybe she felt that because I'm very easy going that maybe she didn't always realise how seriously I took the relationship, and that she would admit she said some dumb things but that she felt maybe I was quick to just jack it in.

 

From my own point of view..

I totally disagree that I was quick to jack it in. I know who I am, and I'm I would never stay if I felt someone didn't accept me for who I am. At that point in time if she was done, i was done, I wasn't about to go back begging.

 

BUT, be that as it may, leaving the past in the past, actually a lot of what she said did make sense, we we're both younger and yeah she never did communicate very well, she certainly wouldnt of been able to explain everything she did in this conversation to me three years ago, back then she would of pushed you away rather than connect with such clarity.

And secondly, post this conversation I actually felt better about everything. Which is weird because it isnt what i was expecting her to say at all. But to actually hear like 'look for me, xyz, is where we went wrong before' actually makes me more confident that we potentially could go forward and have a new relationship that was better than the first, that wouldnt just follow the same pattern. I think I feel more confident in her for saying that than I would of if she'd sat there and just said 'oh I swear this time it would be better' because thats just empty words.

 

She does accept that she didn't communicate well, that she pushed me away, and that she let other people interfere in our relationship. And yeah maybe in hindsight I can accept that in my nativity I was quick to defend the value of the things that were important to me and maybe didn't put enough effort into understanding the things that were important to her.

And hell I didn't know it at the time but maybe I could of made her feel more secure in our relationship - she's not quite as tough and self assured as she makes out (obviously I know that better now).

 

JKeep us posted - I’m really looking forward to hearing how this all plays out. You truly seem so lovely, loving, and like the real deal.

 

It was just a good chat I feel! I'll see her again Saturday so that'll be good. I feel like we have both grown up as people and that gives me confidence

[Lotsgoingon]

Can I push you a bit ... sorry to be brutal.

 

Does she or does she not want to rekindle/restart/reset a romantic relationship with you?

 

I couldn't figure that out. Yes or no?

 

Look, one of my best friends broke up with his later wife ... and then they got back together ... Later, I was talking to the wife's sister (actually at the wedding of my best friend and this woman.) And the sister laid out how the new bride basically sent a number of direct, super-clear signals to my buddy that she wanted to reconcile ... and that the issue they had broken up over earlier (children) ... was one she had changed her mind about.

 

You don't really fair ... don't assume she's making some deep fair point that you're missing.

 

This woman sounds awfully wishy-wash.

 

And then there's this ... forget intentions ... if you guys can't communicate clear and effectively to each other--if you guys can't reassure each other--then you're probably not a good fit as partners. Whether there is love present or not.

[JontySeal]

Can I push you a bit ... sorry to be brutal.

 

Does she or does she not want to rekindle/restart/reset a romantic relationship with you?

 

I couldn't figure that out. Yes or no?

 

Haha oh sorry! That's me trying to paraphrase while laying on the sofa last night!

Yeah she does. She reckons she never really wanted to break up and thought a lot of times about trying to reconcile but that she thought I was moved on and happy.

She said she knew that she missed me as her boyfriend and no one since has ever come close but she didn't realise until this time we've had together recently how much she missed me as her best friend too.

 

And then there's this ... forget intentions ... if you guys can't communicate clear and effectively to each other--if you guys can't reassure each other--then you're probably not a good fit as partners. Whether there is love present or not.

For sure, and I guess that's the sort of thing you cant see when your too close to it! I walked away thinking our relationship fell apart at there was nothing I could do about it, but looking back in hindsight maybe the writing was on the wall because there were core issues!

 

But I guess the flip side for us is that we were 21/22.. we were kids.. I think we both probably didnt know ourselves well enough to truly get each other, and I think we have both grown as people.

Which gives me comfort that maybe this is worth a second go rather than just a being a repeat.

[JontySeal]

Today was the day, we had our official second first date... how many folks can say that I guess

[lonelyplanetmoon]

You are lucky to get a second chance. Just don’t waste it by getting too comfortable. You will both need to challenge each other to communicate often and honestly.

Remind yourselves you are a team on on the same side. It is not a contest of who wins. If someone wins then the other loses.

I got a second chance but we did not spend enough time apart to grow. We did not have honest communication and now it is over. The pain is not as bad this time but it is still awful.