Is this worth the risk?

[Fairornot]

My boyfriend and I have been together for several years but we've know each other for decades including our families. We got together when we were single. I know he is generally a good man and very family oriented.

 

He wants to live with me in my home and get out of his rental. One side of me would like that since I do desire the companionship and feel lonely in the house sometimes. It would also move our relationship forward.

 

He has offered to pay me a certain amount (far less than 1/2 of the house expenses) and put a few hundred more in savings for "us" to use for vacations or house repairs, etc. He makes substantially less than me. I have several concerns: (A) I know he lives paycheck to paycheck so what happens if he "runs short" even if his expenses would be less living with me; (B) how do I control the "shared account"? Whose $ is that?; and © can I rely on him to pay me what he promises given that I know there are things that come up which require $ like new clothes, insurance costs go up, etc.?

 

He said it's a win/win for him to move in b/c I'll have extra $ to spend for hh expenses but the amount he is talking about isn't going to make a difference, with a due respect and when he told me the amount he said "it's like getting a windfall of $XX because no taxes are taken out". In other words, he made it seem like a lot more than what it is.

 

He has historically been terrible at $ management but has greatly improved and I would say he makes ends meet but isn't setting the world on fire. He has in the past promised to save more $ but he hasn't - he is still saving the same amount as last Summer primarily b/c he doesn't make that much in light of his regular expenses and recently only got a modest raise.

 

I don't want him to move in if I will be carrying the load relatively and I know once he moves in it will be very hard to get him out.

 

Does anyone have advice on this type of situation?

[Ruby Slippers]

No, no, no, no, and no.

 

There are so many red flags waving in your post I'm almost blinded

 

He's "selling" you ocean front property in Arizona because he sees you as a gravy train. No respectable man would try to leech off his woman like this.

 

Please listen to some YouTube clips from smart financial planner Dave Ramsey to learn why this is a horrible idea. Search on "Dave Ramsey boyfriend" and "Dave Ramsey shacking up".

 

He has historically been terrible at $ management but has greatly improved and I would say he makes ends meet but isn't setting the world on fire. He has in the past promised to save more $ but he hasn't - he is still saving the same amount as last Summer primarily b/c he doesn't make that much in light of his regular expenses and recently only got a modest raise.

 

People don't change much. If you stay with this guy, you can look forward to more of the same struggles, dragging along dead weight. If you marry and ever divorce, he can take half of what you've worked hard to earn while he's been a slacker.

 

Once he moves in, he has even less motivation to improve himself, since he's "getting the milk for free".

 

I guarantee you will regret this if you do it.

 

I speak from experience, as I just ended a 5-month on-off relationship with a similar kind of guy. He improved a lot during the time I knew him, but it was never enough. I saw a future of stress and struggle if I stuck with him. I can do better on my own.