Author ReaperOfTheGrim Posted May 23, 2019 Author Posted May 23, 2019 Hey guy. So I posted a long post about a recent experience where I got ghosted after a single date. Long story short: met after matching on dating app. Incredible date with chemistry, and lots of shared interests. Got back to my place but and couldn't stay erect during the act (I'm fairly certain that it was due to being awake for close to 24 hrs at the time, and literally almost falling asleep every time I blinked. Have ANY of you, guys OR girls experienced or seen temporary ED from fatigue? Or is it something deeper??) **also: ihaven't had a morning erection in weeks. Im assuming it has to do with depression in my current predicament, but its fairly worrisome. Have you guys been through that as well? Anyway. She ghosted me and I never heard from her again. Well at this point, about a month and a half later after a single date, I'm STILL hurting pretty bad and thinking about her 24-7. I don't know if this is normal at this point or if I've got a problem. Barring in mind that this is the first woman I've been intimate with on any level since my ex 5 year girlfriend 2 years ago with whom I stopped having sex with before the relationship ended. Maybe this fact is why I'm stuck? Or maybe just the humiliating particulars of what happened? There IS a deep feeling of "unfinished business" with her. I've began working out 5 days a week, eating healthier, begun going out and meeting new people, cut porn out of my life entirely when I was at about 15-20 hours a week, and cut back masturbating from 7-14 times a week, to twice a week to pg-13 images. I've been on 3 dates with 2 women, and have another one tomorrow. Although these dates help the night OF the date, they haven't done much to temper it long term. Granted, I haven't slept with any of them, so that may come into play as well? Ok so the point of the post. This hope I've got about "trying again" is almost overwhelming. Against my better judgment, (and advice on this thread), I've reached out a total of about 3 times since it was clear I was being ghosted. Twice with innocent memes, and the third on the dating app with a "I ran across your profile again. It's no big deal. We had alot in common. Want to be friends?" Type of message and obviously didn't hear back. Yet still-I've learned that all that'll give me any type of peace of mind and to temporarily stop thinking about her is thinking, "meh. I'll see her again at some point". I've found myself looking for her when I'm out, hoping I'll she'll see me when I'm on a date. I even find while I'm typing this that someone will respond on this forum with some way to talk to her again. They say "hope dies last", but this is killing me. Do you guys have any recommendations on how I can get her out of my mind, and stop hoping I'll see her or hear from her again so it can stop effecting my happiness SO much, and I can start living my life again? Thanks to all
kendahke Posted May 23, 2019 Posted May 23, 2019 Yep--I call it "psychotic hope"... it will keep you moored and mired in BS longer than you should be in it. Well, you've made a good start here by recognizing the damage it's doing. You have to just police your thoughts a bit more stringently and tell yourself to let go of that. That's about all you can do. Stay occupied so you're not dwelling on her. 1
preraph Posted May 23, 2019 Posted May 23, 2019 Why weren't you sleeping and you were awake so many hours? Are you taking drugs? If so, there is your answer. Eventually, they will mess up your erections. Continue cutting back on porn, taking care of yourself, no drugs, no alcohol, and SLEEP regular eight-hour nights. You'll be nervous, so yes, go to the doc and get viagra so you'll have it to give you a little confidence, but hopefully, you'll get back on track. You were up too many hours.
Author ReaperOfTheGrim Posted May 23, 2019 Author Posted May 23, 2019 Why weren't you sleeping and you were awake so many hours? Are you taking drugs? If so, there is your answer. Eventually, they will mess up your erections. Continue cutting back on porn, taking care of yourself, no drugs, no alcohol, and SLEEP regular eight-hour nights. You'll be nervous, so yes, go to the doc and get viagra so you'll have it to give you a little confidence, but hopefully, you'll get back on track. You were up too many hours. I don't do any drugs at all, and that night I may have had 3 beers. I was up so long because I wake up at about 4 in the morning for work. Well the date was at 8, it lasted until 11:30, then we played guitars, she sang, and we watched an episode of game of thrones (which we were looking forward to watching the new season together). Sounds like an awesome date, right?? Lol. Well by the time it got to the bedroom after all of that, it was about 330. I didn't think it would be a problem "down there" until we were both touching each other and making out, and I wasn't as erect as I'd be in those circumstances previously.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 23, 2019 Posted May 23, 2019 This one is gone, so grieve it and let it go. It's great you're making positive changes to do better in the future. Keep it up. You want a second chance with her, but that ship has sailed. Just keep preparing yourself for a first chance with someone new.
Author ReaperOfTheGrim Posted May 23, 2019 Author Posted May 23, 2019 This one is gone, so grieve it and let it go. It's great you're making positive changes to do better in the future. Keep it up. You want a second chance with her, but that ship has sailed. Just keep preparing yourself for a first chance with someone new. I'm trying to let it go. I'm getting stupid feelings like she'll be the only one that's into as much as she "was", or "what if I'd had just kissed her goodnight". And it's interesting that even THAT NIGHT I was thinking "if this doesn't work out, I'll be ok". And I remember thinking she was only ok, and some things about her bothered me even. But since she rejected me, all I can think about (again. 24-7 for an Entire. Month. ) is how perfect she is for me and that I'll never find anyone that shares as many interests. I don't get this **** and it's driving me nuts
Ruby Slippers Posted May 23, 2019 Posted May 23, 2019 ������ I'm trying to let it go. I'm getting stupid feelings like she'll be the only one that's into as much as she "was", or "what if I'd had just kissed her goodnight". And it's interesting that even THAT NIGHT I was thinking "if this doesn't work out, I'll be ok". And I remember thinking she was only ok, and some things about her bothered me even. But since she rejected me, all I can think about (again. 24-7 for an Entire. Month. ) is how perfect she is for me and that I'll never find anyone that shares as many interests. I don't get this **** and it's driving me nuts I feel for you, man! I just broke up with my on-off boyfriend of 5 months, and the couple of times I've heard from him since, he's said he's "an emotional wreck," can't sleep, can't stop thinking about me, etc. I have a feeling he's stuck in a similar place as you, and I feel bad for him. But we tried many times and it just wasn't working. To save us both the ongoing stress and pain, I did what I thought was right, so we can both move on and find the right match. I've learned that our issues in life are not about the other person. It's always about you. If you hadn't had this experience with this girl, it would have been some other girl, and then you'd be fixating on her in the same way. It's not about HER - it's about YOU, your own feelings of failure and rejection. "If this doesn't work out, I'll be OK" is a great idea. Even better is "I'll be OK" come what may! I've heard "if you lose, don't lose a lesson." It sounds to me like you took away many good lessons and you're learning from the experience and taking steps to make your future better. That's really the best you can do. Time is the great healer. Focus on your future and where you want to go. It'll get easier as you go. 2
Author ReaperOfTheGrim Posted May 23, 2019 Author Posted May 23, 2019 (edited) I appreciate the kind words. I'm curious to know if this will "toughen me up" and maybe make next time not quite as bad, or if I need therapy. It's a very bizarre feeling not being attracted to ANY woman but the woman that I thought was "pretty cute" just 1.5 months ago. Take this date tomorrow: she's far more attractive than this girl that ghosted me. But I'm far more attracted to the ghost... I swear if she was cool with just having lunch every now and then, it would totally knock the mystique off of her and I would have BEEN over her. But instead I replay moments of the night. It's like.. if she was attracted enough to me to sleep with me on the first date- then why ghost me? I guess I'll never know. Just rough I could stop thinking about a girl that was over me the moment she left my house. Edited May 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed
malaiyas Posted May 23, 2019 Posted May 23, 2019 I think you need to re-calibrate your perspective on this one. What's happening is not that you were enamored. You don't really believe that she is the perfect one for you. The true reason you can't get her out of your head... is your ego. You've admitted that when you were actually spending time with her, your thoughts were along the lines of, "she's alright, she's only okay," and, "if it doesn't work out, I'll be okay." This indicates that at least on some level, you're just experiencing a suppressed, "how dare SHE reject ME?!" kind of reaction. It seems to me like a different brand of denial. I'm not trivializing this because I've been through it before, and I know it hurts just as much as if you were truly invested in someone. I feel pretty confident in saying, though, that this pain is just from a severely bruised ego. You're on the right track by taking steps to better yourself. I do think being awake that long would have an effect on your erections also, by the way. Here's your body on the verge of shutting down as you've been awake for the better part of 24 hours, can barely keep your eyes open... and now you want to send the blood WHERE?! Don't worry about it, don't let it get in your head. And any girl who checks out on a guy who has any type of issue in that area, one-off or otherwise, typically has low self-esteem and has taken it personally. If it's chronic and makes sex impossible, then sure, I get it. Not downplaying that it can definitely wreak some havoc, but I digress. Keep bettering yourself and your ego too shall heal. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted May 23, 2019 Posted May 23, 2019 (edited) It's a very bizarre feeling not being attracted to ANY woman but the woman that I thought was "pretty cute" just 1.5 months ago. Take this date tomorrow: she's far more attractive than this girl that ghosted me. But I'm far more attracted to the ghost... Some people say it's our failures that fire us up to improve. When everything's smooth sailing, there's no reason to step it up. When you fall short, you go into training mode where you push yourself to grow. That attraction you feel isn't really an attraction to HER - it's a drive within you to improve yourself so she or a woman like her won't ghost you next time. My ex that I mentioned, I took a break or broke things off with him multiple times during our 5 months. I began to realize that in the big picture, it was good for him every time I did it. Because every time I took him back, he had improved on the major issue plaguing us - in his case, sense of maturity and responsibility about work, money, and having a smart financial plan for his life. During our time apart, he sharpened his focus on what he needed to do to make things work, and did it. Not only was it doing me a disservice to stay with him when he was being irresponsible and making bad decisions - it was also a disservice to him. Your situation is different, but the takeaways are similar. It's like.. if she was attracted enough to me to sleep with me on the first date- then why ghost me? I guess I'll never know. Just rough I could stop thinking about a girl that was over me the moment she left my house. In your particular situation, it was obviously largely about sex for her, since she went home with you on the first date. Since you weren't able to perform that night, she wrote you off as not meeting her standard. It was a pretty shallow thing for her. Yeah, she was physically attracted enough to have sex with you, but not emotionally/mentally/spiritually attracted enough to you as a person to communicate with you about what happened or offer any kind of resolution. Again, it's not at all about HER. She could be any girl. It's about YOU and your own feelings of failure and rejection, your desire to prove that you can do better. I'm sure you can, but it won't be with this girl. She's probably already had her next Tinder date and hooked up with him by now. You're not attracted to anybody else yet because you have unfinished business here - and it's unfinished business with yourself. Edited May 23, 2019 by Ruby Slippers 1
Author ReaperOfTheGrim Posted May 23, 2019 Author Posted May 23, 2019 I think you need to re-calibrate your perspective on this one. What's happening is not that you were enamored. You don't really believe that she is the perfect one for you. The true reason you can't get her out of your head... is your ego. You've admitted that when you were actually spending time with her, your thoughts were along the lines of, "she's alright, she's only okay," and, "if it doesn't work out, I'll be okay." This indicates that at least on some level, you're just experiencing a suppressed, "how dare SHE reject ME?!" kind of reaction. It seems to me like a different brand of denial. I'm not trivializing this because I've been through it before, and I know it hurts just as much as if you were truly invested in someone. I feel pretty confident in saying, though, that this pain is just from a severely bruised ego. You're on the right track by taking steps to better yourself. I do think being awake that long would have an effect on your erections also, by the way. Here's your body on the verge of shutting down as you've been awake for the better part of 24 hours, can barely keep your eyes open... and now you want to send the blood WHERE?! Don't worry about it, don't let it get in your head. And any girl who checks out on a guy who has any type of issue in that area, one-off or otherwise, typically has low self-esteem and has taken it personally. If it's chronic and makes sex impossible, then sure, I get it. Not downplaying that it can definitely wreak some havoc, but I digress. Keep bettering yourself and your ego too shall heal. So bizarre, but you're right. It is totally an ego thing I believe. This was my first date in years, and during those years I always told myself, as most guys probably do, "if women just got to know me, they'd see I'm a real catch". So after years of trying to build myself up, to hit such a unique scenario as this crushed me and feels like it sent me back to square one. I'm trying to do damage control with the working out, dating, ect, but I know I even walked differently before this happened. And I hear you say that she took it personally, and that makes me feel like I could explain to her not to and get another chance. Of course I know better. But those are the feelings I'm trying to get rid of. (NOT saying you "triggered" me, lol. Just using it as an example) 1
malaiyas Posted May 23, 2019 Posted May 23, 2019 So after years of trying to build myself up, to hit such a unique scenario as this crushed me and feels like it sent me back to square one. I'm trying to do damage control with the working out, dating, ect, but I know I even walked differently before this happened. And I hear you say that she took it personally, and that makes me feel like I could explain to her not to and get another chance. Of course I know better. But those are the feelings I'm trying to get rid of. (NOT saying you "triggered" me, lol. Just using it as an example) All of this just goes to show how much you need to soothe a scorned ego. The only thing you'd get out of another chance with her is the opportunity to reject her in kind, I can promise you that. Doesn't sound worth all the hullabaloo when you word it so plainly like that, does it? Just remind yourself this is an ego thing. In the grand scheme of things, this is actually you against you. Seeing it this way will promote faster healing, because you can tell yourself to simmer the hell down.
Author ReaperOfTheGrim Posted May 23, 2019 Author Posted May 23, 2019 (edited) All of this just goes to show how much you need to soothe a scorned ego. The only thing you'd get out of another chance with her is the opportunity to reject her in kind, I can promise you that. Doesn't sound worth all the hullabaloo when you word it so plainly like that, does it? Just remind yourself this is an ego thing. In the grand scheme of things, this is actually you against you. Seeing it this way will promote faster healing, because you can tell yourself to simmer the hell down. True. That's super useful advice, and I'm going to definitely start implementing it. And although I know that's got most to do with it, even now I can remember back to that night thinking that everything was going SO right (besides the obvious) and didn't doubt hearing from her again for a single second. I mean.. first date in 2 years. Nervous as HELL leading up to it. Spent probably $100 on new clothes. Then everything goes... incredibly?? "My first date in TWO years and super nervous and it's going THIS well!? Chemistry? Connection? THIS many things in common?? This is amazing! Oh she wants to come home with me!! Wow!" Hell. We hung out a total of 8 hours that night start to finish. And after that massive high I got from that night, the come down from never hearing from her again and knowing why has definitely sapped me of any confidence in dating, and has me scared of even opening up again. Edited May 23, 2019 by ReaperOfTheGrim 1
emeraldgreen Posted May 23, 2019 Posted May 23, 2019 (edited) Ever notice how every thread here starts with "Everything was so amazing in the beginning". It was amazing for you. If it had been amazing for her, a bit of average sex is bad but not insurmountable. Bottom line, you built up the beginning to yourself, and now you're catastrophising the end of it. You wrote a script in your head and she didn't stick to it. It's just a girl. There are 3.5 billion others. You're crippled by whatever the opposite of an abundance mentality is - scarcity mentality? "But no girl will ever make me feel like she did" talk is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Do you want to be right, or do you want to find someone? Spend less time in what feels like the truth, and what actually is the truth: you had one date. It didn't go anywhere. It wasn't perfect. It wasn't amazing. It was just a false start to your next relationship. Hope dies last? How about: truth dies first? Edited May 23, 2019 by emeraldgreen 1
Foxhall Posted May 24, 2019 Posted May 24, 2019 (edited) your performance issue, I had something similar one time with tiredness and a few too many gins the gins kept me awake and helped my chat but when it came to the crunch I had nothing left, so would not worry about that one, it happens to all guys from time to time, the lack of morning spark, yes Id be a little concerned about that, it may be linked to anxiety you holding on too much over this girl. get your vitamin intake correct, try a few little extras such as maca powder, small amount of cayenne pepper, zinc, selenium, vitamin d supplements As regards getting over the girl there is no magic cure, I would echo that time is a healer and really bedding another girl soon enough and having a better experience hopefully that will help and it will get easier. and even just having a night out enjoying the company laughing, does not necessarily have to be sex, just get out there get your mind off her. Edited May 24, 2019 by Foxhall 1
The Outlaw Posted May 24, 2019 Posted May 24, 2019 Actions can and will always speak louder than words, and when she made the call to ghost you, that says a lot about her, and she isn't the kind of person you would want to have a relationship with. She did you a favor. Most people that want to ghost either feel they don't owe you and explanation or they just don't like confrontation. A simple text really isn't asking too much. 'Thanks, but no thanks' and that's it. Don't send her any more messages. Brush her off and move on, you can do better. Just put yourself out there and keep trying.
Author ReaperOfTheGrim Posted May 25, 2019 Author Posted May 25, 2019 Ever notice how every thread here starts with "Everything was so amazing in the beginning". It was amazing for you. If it had been amazing for her, a bit of average sex is bad but not insurmountable. Bottom line, you built up the beginning to yourself, and now you're catastrophising the end of it. You wrote a script in your head and she didn't stick to it. It's just a girl. There are 3.5 billion others. You're crippled by whatever the opposite of an abundance mentality is - scarcity mentality? "But no girl will ever make me feel like she did" talk is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Do you want to be right, or do you want to find someone? Spend less time in what feels like the truth, and what actually is the truth: you had one date. It didn't go anywhere. It wasn't perfect. It wasn't amazing. It was just a false start to your next relationship. Hope dies last? How about: truth dies first? Very great points. Here lately, it really is becoming clear that this hang up I've got now about how if "it" worked that night, she'd have stuck around as she was just looking for sex, is what's constantly dragging me back 100%. I can feel getting over this girl in my mind, then 1 thought like that will drag me right back to square 1. It definitely is a bruised ego thing, but it having been the only girl I've even been close to on any level in 2 years seems to have alot to do with why it's taking a massive emotional toll on me I believe. Here's the thing though: I didn't even WANT a real relationship with this girl. There were red flags everywhere during the lead up to the date, and even that night I just saw her as practice. But after the rejection, suddenly I can't stop thinking about her and I'm stuck. The scarcity mindset is real real real. Although I've been getting out 3 nights a week to meet new people and women, this girl is with me the whole time. And I'm ALWAYS looking for her when I go places on a Fri/Sat night. When considering a place to go, I think to myself "I wonder if SHE'LL be there". the lack of morning spark, yes Id be a little concerned about that, it may be linked to anxiety you holding on too much over this girl. get your vitamin intake correct, try a few little extras such as maca powder, small amount of cayenne pepper, zinc, selenium, vitamin d supplements As regards getting over the girl there is no magic cure, I would echo that time is a healer and really bedding another girl soon enough and having a better experience hopefully that will help and it will get easier. and even just having a night out enjoying the company laughing, does not necessarily have to be sex, just get out there get your mind off her. Thanks man. I've actually got a Dr. Appointment Thursday to (hopefully) shed some light on the issue. I could chaulk the performance issues that night as just being tired. But the lack of my morning erection has got me kind of concerned. If he says it's depression/anxiety about the recent happenings, I may consider therapy or some other methods of combating it. I've been going out ALOT since this has happened. At least twice a week. It does help once I start drinking, but I may be the absolute worst type of person something like this can happen to- because I get STUCK deep deep inside my head and start overthinking everything that's happened. So although going out has been fun, there are times where I'll just sit in a chair, stare off into the distance, and start thinking about this whole situation for 15 minutes. It's absolutely grueling. I was SUPPOSED to have a date last night with a pretty cute girl from the dating app and was hoping it would help. Canceled of course, but ended up going out with a friend of mine anyway and had a pretty good time. I'm a pretty shy guy, and rarely ever come off as desperate to women as I probably don't try hard enough. That being said, outside of getting to know a woman 1 on 1 during a date, I have a really hard time trying to get laid. I am literally considering a prostitute at this point to help me move on.
Author ReaperOfTheGrim Posted May 27, 2019 Author Posted May 27, 2019 (edited) I recently met a girl and we had sex. Turns out everything "down there" worked as it should. I was able to maintain my erection for 45 minutes twice with a woman I was hardly attracted to, so sleep deprivation on that night in particular seems to be what caused the problem (thank god). I also haven't watched porn in over a month and reduced masturbation, so that may have contributed as well. I'm got a Drs. appointment next week that I stil intend on making due to not having morning erections and to talk depression in general. Now the story takes an interesting turn: I was recently downtown at a bar determined to meet people to get me out of this funk. I ended up meeting someone that actually hosts a local radio show and has a segment detailing stories in the local dating scene. He invited me to anonymously share my story on his show this Friday. What do you guys think? Should I do that?? Lol Edited May 27, 2019 by ReaperOfTheGrim
emeraldgreen Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 I hope my previous reply didn't come off as overly tough love, but I think you took my points. At any given moment, you can only control 50% of what happens in a relationship and I think in this case you've picked up the whole load as if it's yours to carry. Go easy on yourself and keep looking. You'll be fine. 1
Highndry Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 ...My ex that I mentioned, I took a break or broke things off with him multiple times during our 5 months. I began to realize that in the big picture, it was good for him every time I did it. Because every time I took him back, he had improved on the major issue plaguing us ... I can't even begin to describe how dysfunctional this is. 1
TheFinalWord Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 Regarding your doctor's appt. Since you're paying the co-pay, you might as well get your testosterone levels checked. A lot of guys, even as young as 30, are getting on testosterone replacement therapy. You might also mention you have been having erection issues and have your doctor prescribe viagra. Just to have on hand so you don't have to worry about it going forward. A lot of times performance anxiety is just tied to nervousness. The viagra can give you both a placebo and physical effect. And if your test does happen to be low, you might consider hoping on... I wouldn't do the phone call. Are you hoping she'll hear it or something? 1
Author ReaperOfTheGrim Posted May 27, 2019 Author Posted May 27, 2019 (edited) I hope my previous reply didn't come off as overly tough love, but I think you took my points. At any given moment, you can only control 50% of what happens in a relationship and I think in this case you've picked up the whole load as if it's yours to carry. Go easy on yourself and keep looking. You'll be fine. No of course not. I got your point. I keep trying to process what exactly I'm thinking and feeling in this and it just doesn't make sense to me. I really have no idea why this is bugging me so much so far down the road. It was a single date. Definitely an ego thing as mentioned, but I've had the same (albeit more successful) experiences with other women since her, but she persists in my mind and heart. I'm thinking that I just projected waaay too much value to both what she said, and who I thought she was and wanted her to be. It's like I have this perfect match in my head that I'm convinced was her. Someone I could to take lunch to at work, go on vacations with, workout with, ect. But she just wanted a temporary fling until her (ex?)husband (whom she has a son with, lives with, and owns a business with) wants her back so she can have her family again. I posted this earlier but again, I believe the BIGGEST hurdle in terms of just throwing it in the back of my mind and being done with it is just confusion. While we talked, she told me that she'd went on dates with guys it didn't work out romantically with, so they just became friends. What about me is SO bad that WE can't just be friends? Connection- clearly I felt it more than her. Common interests- maybe she was lying so our interests would sync. Chemistry- maybe she was faking it. I can come to terms with those ideas. But if she was faking these things, and DIDN'T feel attraction, why then come to my place? Why sleep with me? Did she think I was just "incapable" of getting erections, so thought it just was worth giving up on entirely? Or did she ghost me for some other reason entirely? Was I dressed funny? My hair maybe? Maybe my house wasn't up to her standards? My neighborhood sucks? Was I not assertive enough? I think she thought she was sparing my feelings by just not responding, but I think she would have at least gotten me out of my head so much if she gave me afew specifics. Regarding your doctor's appt. Since you're paying the co-pay, you might as well get your testosterone levels checked. A lot of guys, even as young as 30, are getting on testosterone replacement therapy. You might also mention you have been having erection issues and have your doctor prescribe viagra. Just to have on hand so you don't have to worry about it going forward. A lot of times performance anxiety is just tied to nervousness. The viagra can give you both a placebo and physical effect. And if your test does happen to be low, you might consider hoping on... I wouldn't do the phone call. Are you hoping she'll hear it or something? I am definitely hoping I can get some type of "emergency" pill like a viagra so to speak just so this doesn't happen again. If I were in a relationship, I don't think I'd be as concerned, but the thought of this happening again makes me want to take every possible precaution. I think I proved to myself yesterday that the problem I had the night I couldn't keep it up was due 100% to exhaustion, so I'm not TOO concerned that I may have an underlying issue. But I definitely want to confirm that with my Dr. as well as discuss my lack of morning erections. I'm assuming this may be tied to depression and psychological issues. If this is the case, I may consider therapy on his suggestion. As well as methods to quit smoking. As far as the radio show; if I agree to it, it'll take place at their studio Friday. I really don't know why I do or why I don't want to do it. On one hand, the idea of it being a pretty cool new experience makes me want to try it, and "why not". Maybe a last bit of getting it off my chest would do something for me? On the other hand, it makes me feel like from an outside perspective (Y'ALL's perspective for instance. Which is why I'm asking it in this thread), it looks just gross, stalkerish, and ridiculous. Granted- I can disguise how hurt I still am by just making it sound like it was "just something that happened" and that I'm just discussing it for the show. So my decision isn't quite made yet, and I'm hoping to have a beer a little later today with the host to discuss whether I want to do it, and what we'd both get out of it. And what you said about "wanting her to hear it"? I think I do want her to hear it? I don't plan on saying any specifics other than the location and maybe the date, so I don't think it'd find it's way to her unless she heard it personally, but I don't know why I would want her to hear it. But.. I feel like I do for some reason. Not sure what that's all about, or how she'd even perceive it... Edited May 27, 2019 by ReaperOfTheGrim
TheFinalWord Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 I feel like I do for some reason. Not sure what that's all about, or how she'd even perceive it... It's probably because you want to give her your side of the story, which she didn't give you a chance to provide. You had your ego bruised with the bedroom issue, then she kicked you when you were down. The hard truth is you'll just have to swallow this one bro. We all have embarrassing stuff happen from time to time. If she scares off that easy, then the same outcome was inevitable, only you would have had more time invested and it would have been even more difficult. 1
Author ReaperOfTheGrim Posted May 28, 2019 Author Posted May 28, 2019 It's probably because you want to give her your side of the story, which she didn't give you a chance to provide. You had your ego bruised with the bedroom issue, then she kicked you when you were down. The hard truth is you'll just have to swallow this one bro. We all have embarrassing stuff happen from time to time. If she scares off that easy, then the same outcome was inevitable, only you would have had more time invested and it would have been even more difficult. You're 100% right and these are constantly things I tell myself. My mind is just always wandering back to her constantly though and almost like my subconscious is telling me that i want to do all these things with her and that she's a perfect match for me when I KNOW that couldn't be further from the truth logically. It's been a month and a half after just that one night and I'm still feeling such strong emotions about this. It wakes me up in ther middle of ther night and I'm constantly thinking about what she's doing, whether she ever thinks about me (when I'm 100% certain she doesn't) and I keep thinking about the conversations we had when we were talking. I spend all day wanting to text her a simple "hey". It is NOT normal to be feeling this way after a single date/experience, is it?? I'm heavily considering psychotherapy at this point. This is effecting me very deeply. From forgetfulness to ruminating about her and our interactions literally all day. If you've been through anything like this, we're your experiences afterwards similar? Or am I taking this harder than most people do/would?
Author ReaperOfTheGrim Posted June 7, 2019 Author Posted June 7, 2019 Little update: despite my continuing efforts in trying to improve my life and mood by doing productive activities, my symptoms have worsened over time. At this point, I've began crying for hours everyday and can't socialize without alcohol- almost feeling numb during conversation. I'm beginning to believe I have deep psychological issues as I'm still obsessing over this 2 months later (something I know is entirely irrational). I've been prescribed antidepressants and began therapy yesterday. As much as I wish things could have gone differently that night, I would have much preferred if I had just not gone on this date at all. But being so emotionally weak that a single date has done this to me doesn't bode well for my romantic life, and almost makes me suicidal when pondering my future.
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