late night meaningless texts or calls?

[destroyedlife]

so its been like 7 months since my ex broke up with me , quick recap her anger and irritation kept rising and rising, some people think it was post pardum , maybe she was cheating, or maybe it was the 7 year itch. i think it was the antidepressants she started taking because it changed her completely like she was an emotionally numb zombie.

 

anyways, she always texts me around midnight like random stuff. either anger or like these weird suggestions . or ill get just a "hey" . it was my birthday not to long ago, i didnt celebrate it but she wished me a happy birth day, then questioned the hell out of me, i ignored most of her texts and only replied with one word answers. she keeps asking me how i am or how im doing. i havent answered that yet and she will bug me to get an answer for a meaningless obvious questions like"if i enjoy being with our daughter" like no **** obviously i do, so i say yes and i get a paragraph reply of how greatful she is to have two parents who lover her blah blah.

 

so i started going to the gym full time. my ex literly destroyed me. i am still miserable as hell and want my family back. but she is very angery stubborn and bitter, plus ive been with her for how many years, and all of a sudden she turns into this hateful demon.

 

but yeah i just want to know, why does she keep reaching out and texting me wasting her time to get answers that she already knows. does she miss me.

 

since she broke up with me after our serious loving long term relationship. she hasnt once said she missed me or anything. just went completely cold.

 

what does she want from me

[Beachead]

Hey OP,

 

Before I say anything, just wanted to know what her reasons were for ending it?

 

- Beach

Edited May 22, 2019 by Beachead

[destroyedlife]

well im not really sure, i have theories though, it kinda all started over our daughters, we both have an 11 year old each, it was a blended family, and the clashing started, we had her daughter full time and mine half. she felt that since my daughter had stuff at her moms house she didnt need things at our house. i disagreed, i get it that a child doesnt need 2 of everything, but my daughters room was bare bones empty, and my now ex bought her daughter everything and got mad when i bought mine anything. it was stupid. i think what crumbled us was that i took her daughter as my own, but she didnt take my daughter as her own because she already has a mom. so we werent blending.

 

i knoticed the change though when she went on antidepressants, she became an emotional zombie with no feelings, she started taking off going drinking and clubbing with her friend who was newly single, and she was her wing girl for support, then she just stopped coming home at night and eventually eploded on me , all the excuses she had were from past fights, like she brought up inncodents from years ago, and all of a sudden good memories became bad ones, like how we went camping and she didnt want me and my kid to come and stuff like that , she just turned nasty saying so much mean stuff about me and my daughter.

 

i found out that her and her best friend were hanging out with this guy too at her friends place, i dont know if anything happened but i have a feeling she probably cheated.

 

my ex wasnt the best, but i did see the good in her, but i honestly think she has some kind of mental disorder , not just saying that either. ive seen patterns and multipersonallities, and she does this thing where she mirrors people she hangs out with. like copies how they act. ive seen it twice, she will get a new friend, and say if they are really racist, she will become racist. or like her best friend who broke up with her man, she ccried and complained about men and then my ex mirrored this and started complaing about me.

 

sorry for rambling on , but all n all. if i could guess my closest guess to why my ex broke up with me. i think that her ego, instagram she was on it all day every day, and antidepressants numbing feelings towards me. and validation from her broken wing girl who hated all men because of her relationship.

 

so i begged her not to break up, i went to councelling and tried to get her to go and tried everything really , she wouldnt do anything, she just said " a family isnt what i want anymore'

 

but she also cut off most of her family too brothers n sisters and parents , everyone who questions her sudden actions got the cut, not only me.

[Beachead]

Hey OP,

 

I appreciate the details.

 

I thought you two were married with a daughter but it turns out you aren't and brought your own daughters to the relationship. Therefore, you can afford to cut her off and I'd do that.

 

I don't think I need to tell you that this woman is bad news. If she's cut out her entire family in addition to you, that tells me she is going through things that only she can fix. I had an ex who distanced from everyone including myself. I thought I could be there for her and bring her back but I failed and I failed because her problems had to do with the way she thought. The way she approached her life. The way she took care of herself. She couldn't see it no matter how much I tried to point it. For her to change, certain things needed to happen to her for something to click. That was her personal journey. You haven't been able to mend your ex's issues seemingly for the same reasons. If you keep trying, you'll continue to burn yourself out.

 

Take solace in knowing you fought for her and the relationship and she chose to end it. Not you. It's on her. But where you're going wrong right now is you haven't let her feel the gravity of a breakup. You're still available, still responding to messages. For her to likely understand what it is she lost, you may have to disconnect completely. I'm not saying that's a guarantee..she may very well be the same person. But I'll tell you this much, no contact, will certainly do YOU good.

 

If I were you, I'd stop replying to the texts. I'd stop reading them when they come into your phone as well. Just delete. In fact delete her number. You can write it down in a book or a piece of paper and stow it away out of sight so you don't have to see it on your phone. If you have her on social media, take her off of that as well. Put her out of sight, out of mind.

 

The relationship is over and now you have to consider thinking about your future. Since she left you, she chose not to be a part of that future. So the goal is for you to get your head right and get yourself back to a healthy emotional state of mind to live a good life and possibly meet someone new who's more compatible for you. As long she's in the picture upsetting you, that won't happen.

 

- Beach

Edited May 22, 2019 by Beachead

[destroyedlife]

Hey OP,

 

I appreciate the details.

 

I thought you two were married with a daughter but it turns out you aren't and brought your own daughters to the relationship. Therefore, you can afford to cut her off and I'd do that.

 

I don't think I need to tell you that this woman is bad news. If she's cut out her entire family in addition to you, that tells me she is going through things that only she can fix. I had an ex who distanced from everyone including myself. I thought I could be there for her and bring her back but I failed and I failed because her problems had to do with the way she thought. The way she approached her life. The way she took care of herself. She couldn't see it no matter how much I tried to point it. For her to change, certain things needed to happen to her for something to click. That was her personal journey. You haven't been able to mend your ex's issues seemingly for the same reasons. If you keep trying, you'll continue to burn yourself out.

 

Take solace in knowing you fought for her and the relationship and she chose to end it. Not you. It's on her. But where you're going wrong right now is you haven't let her feel the gravity of a breakup. You're still available, still responding to messages. For her to likely understand what it is she lost, you may have to disconnect completely. I'm not saying that's a guarantee..she may very well be the same person. But I'll tell you this much, no contact, will certainly do YOU good.

 

If I were you, I'd stop replying to the texts. I'd stop reading them when they come into your phone as well. Just delete. In fact delete her number. You can write it down in a book or a piece of paper and stow it away out of sight so you don't have to see it on your phone. If you have her on social media, take her off of that as well. Put her out of sight, out of mind.

 

The relationship is over and now you have to consider thinking about your future. Since she left you, she chose not to be a part of that future. So the goal is for you to get your head right and get yourself back to a healthy emotional state of mind to live a good life and possibly meet someone new who's more compatible for you. As long she's in the picture upsetting you, that won't happen.

 

- Beach

 

sorry i forgot to mention 2 things, we also have a baby. shes 2 now, this is the second time she has broken up with me.almost copy n paste, 3 weeks before our anniversary both times. one was at the 3 year mark, then she came back and then now at the 8 year mark. thats why it sucks so bad because she betrayed me , then she did it again.

 

seriously i just dont understand how you can just constantly break up with someone who cares about you alot. i also think she compared our life to other couples lives. i remember when she was breaking up with me she threw in "so and so bought a house for his gf" like she is impatient and thinks she can do better. when really i bent over backwards so many times.