disneyfan90 Posted May 19, 2019 Posted May 19, 2019 Over the past few years, I've dated a few guys but no one has really captured my interest. I found that after going on a few dates, I had no desire or inclination to see them again. Most recently, I went on a date with a guy who I had some lukewarm interest in. I wasn't crazy about him, but I liked him more than anyone else I had dated recently - so I ended up dating him for 6 months. It didn't last long because toward the end, I had completely lost interest. Spending time with him drained me more than anything. I had tried to make it work because he was a great person, and I felt like I should be having feelings for this guy. I kept telling myself that my lack of interest had a lot to do with me - I blamed myself for not liking him, and believed that if only I worked on myself, we could make this relationship work. I'm still wondering if my lack of interest in dating anyone could mean that something's wrong with me. Especially since I see many of my friends getting engaged and married. To complicate matters even further, my family comes from a culture where marriage is seen as everything - every time I see my family, I constantly get nagged about why I haven't found anyone yet. They tell me I "have" to get married soon, and that time is running out - I'm in my late 20s! It's annoying to have to hear this. On the flip side, I wonder if maybe I just haven't met the right person. There was a time in my life when I loved someone very deeply. So perhaps I am capable of feeling that way again.
Gaeta Posted May 19, 2019 Posted May 19, 2019 You cannot force it. There is no used to date men for 6 months that you haven't built a strong feeling for. Give yourself a shorter delay for feelings to build, I'd say within 3 months you should know if feelings are building or not. You felt in love once, it's in you to feel it again, I say you have not met the right man yet to rekindle those feelings in you. As for your family pressuring you, you know you don't have to obey by that tradition if you live in a western country. Here you're not damaged good because you've reached 28 and men will date and marry you at any age. You're family will survive the cultural shock. . 2
preraph Posted May 19, 2019 Posted May 19, 2019 Tell your parents you're having too much fun to want to get married. 1
smackie9 Posted May 19, 2019 Posted May 19, 2019 You just need to find another Disney fan like yourself. 1
The Outlaw Posted May 19, 2019 Posted May 19, 2019 There's nothing wrong with you because dating isn't for everybody. As for your parents nagging you about getting married, I'm a guy and even I can relate. My late mother always wanted that because she wanted grandchildren. But even though it's annoying, most parents just want to see their children happy. And it sometimes seems to happen when you least expect it. 1
heatherbliss Posted May 22, 2019 Posted May 22, 2019 Hi friend. You seem perfectly normal despite the fact that you're not in a serious relationship and I think many people here can identify with your situation. I know your family's reaction to your love life or lack thereof may bother you to some degree but please don't let it get you down or force you to rush into something that you're not ready for again. I believe there is a season for everything. Just as you can be in the wrong relationship with the wrong person, so can you be in the right relationship with the right person at the wrong time. Continue to trust your gut. At the proper time, I believe your path will cross with someone who's been prepared especially for you and with whom you'll form a genuine connection. Don't lose hope and remain encouraged about life and all the opportunities it has to offer outside of a relationship. Blessings and hugs. 1
Interstellar Posted May 22, 2019 Posted May 22, 2019 What made you not interested in them? not your type physically? are they boring and have no personality? Did they talk about themselves too much?
mortensorchid Posted May 22, 2019 Posted May 22, 2019 You might as well ask what the meaning of life is, because I don't know the answer to that either. In my experience, men don't seem to want to be in a relationship with a woman. That is, they don't want a relationship because a relationship is boring and they don't want to face certain things (making long range plans be it work or personal related). Instead they go for girls who are dramatic or trashy - because they keep the endorphins flowing and infatuation in the air. Two former bfs of mine did just that - one dumped me because he thought he was better than everyone else and I hang around people who use drugs (which is just one aspect of my wide circle of friends and acquaintance - also friendly with policemen and Christians and everything in between). He rebounded and ended up with a gal who kept things very fresh. He said he didn't want children and he married a woman with two children, one from each previous marriage, and she took full advantage of him. She got him to support her, her kids, probably her lover she was cavorting with behind his back for years, and pay for her daughter's education. Then after 3 years she divorced him, married her lover who became husband #4, and divorced husband #4 about six months later. The second didn't want a woman, he wanted someone to take care of him and I wasn't doing that. He dumped me, rebounded to a trashy girl who isolated him from all his friends and family, and stayed with her for about three years. She also cheated on him and dumped him for her lover, I think they are married now. It's what it is. LTRs are hard in all kinds of situations, but don't think it's you, it's them.
BC1980 Posted May 22, 2019 Posted May 22, 2019 Finding someone involves some amount of luck, and I understand it can be demoralizing at times. You really have to accept that you can only control so much. Otherwise, you will continue to be frustrated.
Lotsgoingon Posted May 22, 2019 Posted May 22, 2019 You cannot force romance ... and really, no need to date people you feel lukewarm for ... Doesn't matter if they're good ... doesn't matter if they won the Nobel Peace Prize. If you're lukewarm, it ain't gonna work. So ... there is no guarantee that we will get married by x year ... and certainly not rule that says not getting married by x year means there's something wrong with us. I too went through a period when no women seemed to really excite me ... I asked the same question you asked. I wonder if something is wrong with me ... And then ... (no, not a relationship, though one did briefly come later) ... No, what happened to me is that one day at work ... I come down to a little cafe and see this visitor at the table ... people share tables in this cafe area and so I pulled out my laptop and took a seat where this woman was ... Literally nothing was on my mind. And then she and I got into a conversation ... and in about three minutes, my heart was like, "OMG, you are feeling something for this woman ..." .. .and a minute later, "OMG, this woman is definitely into you." Now, turns out she was married ... I saw the ring on the finger, but seriously, if she didn't have that ring on her finger, we were heading for a hot date together. The chemistry was immediate ... I wasn't trying to impress her, and she was just responding so positively to everything I said. (We both work in the education field.) Literally I thank that woman because that short encounter with her (maybe 15 minutes total) made me know ... Oh yeah, I can still feel it ... I realized that for whatever reason I just wasn't feeling anything for the people I was meeting. And here's the thing ... that was cool. This woman was not necessarily someone who I would have predicted I would have chemistry with just based on looks and based on my previous partners. But she was warm, funny, an amazing listener. So chill ... keep going out, get involved in activities, keep developing yourself. Getting married, I don't mean to be negative, is not such a huge achievement. The achievement is creating a good, nourishing, healthy, mutually respectful and satisfying marriage. And creating that kind of marriage requires dating people you feel strongly for ... and not forcing yourself to pretend to like people more than you do ... Chill and work on yourself ... let yourself meet people ... trust me, you'll soon encounter guys you like. You may not be able to date them right away (I couldn't date this woman) but you'll FEEL something. Frankly, looking back, I realize that my lack of interest in the women I was meeting ... had a lot to do with progress and growth. I used to date all kinds of people for the same reason you dated this previous bf. Once I got a bit more honest and clear about what I wanted, I got more picky ... That's good. 1
FMW Posted May 22, 2019 Posted May 22, 2019 Like Gaeta said, you fell in love once, you can do it again. There is nothing wrong with you. Don't compare yourself to anyone else - you never know what is really going on in anyone else's relationship. They might be totally bored with each other but having someone/anyone is more important to them than waiting for the right connection. Either the chemistry is there or it's not, I really wouldn't spend too much time analyzing why you don't feel it with someone. 1
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