ItsAllConfusing Posted May 17, 2019 Posted May 17, 2019 My boyfriend of over a year has been separated from his wife of 6 years for over a year. They live separately but are still on great terms. She is very close to his son. She's been there for him ever since he was a toddler. I've met her and we're friendly. It was weird at first but now I've accepted her place in his life and have respect for her. She has helped my boyfriend and his family tremendously. She's always willing to help. She's not doing so well. She's undergoing chemo. I saw her today gave her a hug and kiss but we didn't talk for very long maybe a minute or so. She's usually a talker too. She looked sickly and it's so sad because I know this look. I lost a coworker two years ago to cancer. It just ate right at him and he had the same look as she does. I want her to beat it. I don't want to see her go. I just wonder why she didn't talk with me longer. I was open and ready to engage. I thought maybe she's upset with me but she has never said she was. She didn't look upset. I'm so inward thinking that I think she's upset with me. I never got her side of the story but my bf has said there's no romantic feelings, the split was mutual and they are on good terms.Boyfriend says she was his wife on paper. It was a marriage to help him and he sees her as a maternal figure. Any thoughts on this?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 17, 2019 Posted May 17, 2019 She's not doing so well. She's undergoing chemo. I saw her today gave her a hug and kiss but we didn't talk for very long maybe a minute or so. She's usually a talker too. She looked sickly I just wonder why she didn't talk with me longer. I was open and ready to engage. I thought maybe she's upset with me but she has never said she was. She didn't look upset. I'm so inward thinking that I think she's upset with me. Any thoughts on this? Yeah. She's sick and didn't feel like talking. Why do you feel like this is about you? 1
Author ItsAllConfusing Posted May 17, 2019 Author Posted May 17, 2019 Yeah. She's sick and didn't feel like talking. Why do you feel like this is about you? Ok. Thanks. I'm such an inward thinker. I'm trying to stop this. 1
bathtub-row Posted May 17, 2019 Posted May 17, 2019 I agree. If she’s doing chemo, the last thing she probably wants to do is chat with people. I think when is someone is that ill, everything else takes a back seat. What I would recommend is to make sure she’s got all the help and support she needs. Maybe help clean her place, cook for her, etc. Ask her if she needs anything. I would think that severe illness like that can make a person feel very alone.
chillii Posted May 17, 2019 Posted May 17, 2019 (edited) You wonder why she didn't talk to you longer, her ex's new gf and when she's going through all that. Ahhh, ld say that'd be pretty obvious. Why are you so stuck on her anyway , sounds like you wanna be best friends with his ex . Just be grateful things are polite and no ones causing drama and leave it at that is probably best.You've got a new relationship to enjoy , you don't want an ex in your life anymore than she has to be anyway. Edited May 17, 2019 by chillii 1
ExpatInItaly Posted May 17, 2019 Posted May 17, 2019 She’s fighting for her life, OP. Chit chatting with her ex’s new woman is likely the least of her priorities right now, even if she likes you. Her energy needs to be devoted to more important things and she’s probably incredibly distracted. I’m not sure why you believe it has anything to do with you.
Redhead14 Posted May 17, 2019 Posted May 17, 2019 I'm such an inward thinker. Inward thinking should be balanced by logic. There is a saying that could help you with this -- "Not everything is about you". 2
kendahke Posted May 17, 2019 Posted May 17, 2019 I just wonder why she didn't talk with me longer. I was open and ready to engage. I thought maybe she's upset with me but she has never said she was. She didn't look upset. I'm so inward thinking that I think she's upset with me. I never got her side of the story but my bf has said there's no romantic feelings, the split was mutual and they are on good terms.Boyfriend says she was his wife on paper. It was a marriage to help him and he sees her as a maternal figure. Any thoughts on this? Stop centering yourself on her illness. She most likely didn't want to talk long because she no longer has the stamina or the energy for unimportant yakking.
smackie9 Posted May 17, 2019 Posted May 17, 2019 Chemo affects the brain. My friend has been receiving chemo over the course of 3 years because the cancer keeps coming back. It's really hard for her to engage in conversation because of the treatment. You can't take this so personally, and you should drop the guilt. I doubt she wants anyone's pity. I get it, it can be awkward. I know one thing, they get tired from everyone asking how they are doing. Instead just say you are happy to see them, and talk about other things...they don't want cancer to define who they are.
BaileyB Posted May 17, 2019 Posted May 17, 2019 (edited) deleted. I answered my own question. Edited May 17, 2019 by BaileyB
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