livinglife2019 Posted May 16, 2019 Posted May 16, 2019 I’ve been dating this guy for a few weeks now. It’s all going well. He’s caring, charming amongst other things. I can feel myself falling for him and falling hard. However we went for dinner last night and he mentioned his ex texted him to say she was back in town. They broke up a few months back because of the distance as she moved away. And as he put it the relationship went cold. This worried me a little and I think he knew by the reaction on my face it did. I asked if he replied and he said he just gave a vague text back but would like to meet her for closure. I did get a little freaked and say if you meet your ex and decide to get back together you need to be honest. He said of course. I said to him I like you, but I don’t want to be hurt and he replied by saying he liked me too and that he wasn’t planning on going back but he just wanted to have a talk and clear the air with her. I’ve dated my fair share of dbags so I am a little worried as I’ve been hurt more times than many. What worries me is not that he’s meeting his ex but more how their relationship ended it just went cold, no one betrayed someone or cheated so I’m afraid when they meet that theyll reconnect the spark. I appreciate that he was honest and open with me, but we are still in the early stages of dating we’ve only been on about 8/9 dates so I don’t know if there’s be enough to make him choose me if you get what I mean. He’s joked about, marriage and kids and seems to want the same things from life that I do and now I’m worrying that I’m going to lose him when it’s going so well. Am I over reacting?
Grapesofwrath Posted May 16, 2019 Posted May 16, 2019 This is a tough one, but I don't see you have a lot of options. You can't stop him from seeing the ex, and you can't control what he'll do after seeing her. It's great that you know about it, though, as it would be much worse to get blind-sided. I think you just have to sit tight and see what happens. If he decides to get back together with her, then you have only spent a short time in the relationship and at least he was honest with you. If he just wants closure, then he can talk to her and move forward with you without that lingering the background. So, unfortunately, you just have to wait. The waiting is the hardest part.
40somethingGuy Posted May 16, 2019 Posted May 16, 2019 Have you and him had sex yet? Let him know you're there for him and no you're not overreacting. Just tell him you care very much for him and hope he feels the same after the meeting since they did break up for a reason. At least he didn't hide anything from you so unless you are exclusive now, I don't know how much you can say. Maybe it is time to have the talk if not. 1
Author livinglife2019 Posted May 16, 2019 Author Posted May 16, 2019 Have you and him had sex yet? Let him know you're there for him and no you're not overreacting. Just tell him you care very much for him and hope he feels the same after the meeting since they did break up for a reason. At least he didn't hide anything from you so unless you are exclusive now, I don't know how much you can say. Maybe it is time to have the talk if not. Yeah we have slept together. I do support him meeting his ex, if he has to do that so he can move on I’m on board. I think it’s the skeptic in me that’s got me worried.
kendahke Posted May 16, 2019 Posted May 16, 2019 . Am I over reacting? yes and no. you and this guy, while you may like him, are basically strangers to one another. No history really to speak of outside of 9 dates at the most and him not asking yet for exclusivity (you didn't make it clear in your post if you two are exclusive/committed). His ex, on the other hand, and he have history. And they didn't break up due to animosity. BTW--closure is something you get for yourself. He doesn't have to meet with her to get closure. He wants to meet with her because he wants to see if she will arse herself enough to change his mind. Since she reached out, then I'd say she's arsing herself a good fashion, especially if she's uprooting her entire life and moving to be near him. I mean, has he ever said he told her "don't do that--there's nothing here for you"? Pretty easy to say if you really feel that way. If he hasn't, then he's looking to see how far she'll arse herself. He’s joked about, marriage and kids and seems to want the same things from life that I do The operative word in that sentence is SEEMS. He may seem to want the same thing from life as you do, but does he want those things with you? He doesn't know you well enough to answer that just yet. My advice is to rein in your expectations and live in the present.
smackie9 Posted May 16, 2019 Posted May 16, 2019 Two months isn't long enough to get over someone.....you are dating him too fresh out of a relationship. I would suggest you pull back a bit on your investment. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 16, 2019 Posted May 16, 2019 8/9 dates over the course of a few weeks is way too soon for you to be falling so hard. He might be a good guy but you don't really know him yet. Reign in your own emotions. What I understood from what you wrote is that this guy & his EX didn't break up because they fell out of love. They split because they couldn't hack the distance. Now that the situation is changing & she will be in town, there is a very real chance he will get back together with her. All you can do is wait & see but assume the worst & steel your heart. 1
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