Cheating boyfriend and with a white woman

[brownsugar]

I'm a 23yrs.old going with a 39yrs.old and we been together for 5 1/2 years and I just found out that he cheated on me with this white chick and i also found out he catch 2 STD from her and gave it to me when i found out I was shock I don't if I should forgive him or leave him and be with someone else it's hard for me because we got a 2yrs old daughter together and we sat down and talk about it and he said he don't no what make him do this he told me that he made a mistake and that he would never do it again. I told him that he lost his trust for me and that are relationship will not be the same again I told him that relationship is suppose to be base on trust,honest,loyalty but to me he lost it so I'm pleading for help.

[brownsugar]

I'm a 23yrs.old going with a 39yrs.old and we been together for 5 1/2 years and I just found out that he cheated on me with this white chick and i also found out he catch 2 STD from her and gave it to me when i found out I was shock I don't if I should forgive him or leave him and be with someone else it's hard for me because we got a 2yrs old daughter together and we sat down and talk about it and he said he don't no what make him do this he told me that he made a mistake and that he would never do it again. I told him that he lost his trust for me and that are relationship will not be the same again I told him that relationship is suppose to be base on trust,honest,loyalty but to me he lost it so I'm pleading for help. Till this day I'm still hurt and I can never forget it and what make it worst is that it happen down the street sometimes I feel like I should just cheat on him what makes a right a wrong it seems to me he cheated because the sex wasn't good but now I'm sitting up here sufferring from this disease it hard for me to let this go but I told him when I go somewhere he's coming I'm not leaving him behind again I do everything for this man and he turn around and done this to me.

[Tiny Dancer]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. There is honestly no hurt as deep as being betrayed by someone in whom you have complete trust. Then to have to deal with a STD as a result of it is enough to make anyone angry and bitter.

 

It seems to me that you need to evaluate your relationship as a whole, and consider your own ability to move beyond this to true forgiveness if you want to keep this relationship. Has the relationship otherwise been a good one? Is he a good father to your daughter? Where do you see yourself in 5 years if you stay?

 

There are a lot of great websites dealing with affairs and the different types of issues that they present. In many cases the affair is a symptom of other issues in your own relationship. Many times it's not even about sex, but about something else. (In my situation the OW is overweight and much less educated than I am. My husband has told me numerous times that I am much prettier than she is and was in fact embarrassed to even tell me who she was because of her physical appearance when this happened the first time.) Dr. Ellen's website addresses some of this. I think it's a "pay" site but there are probably some free links on it if I remember correctly.

 

Take your time and think through this, but I advise against rushing out to cheat on him before you think it through. It's when we feel "justified" that we can make some of our biggest mistakes. You are entitled to a relationship free of the worries that he has given you. Is he willing to work with you to create that, or is it even possible now? I chose to forgive and forget, but we failed to take the necessary action to change our relationship for the better and here I am again dealing with it all over again 4 years later!

 

Take care of yourself physicall and emotionally and consider what you really want!

[Mz. Pixie]

I am wondering why the color of the woman makes any difference???

[JadeStar]

I'm sorry your trust was broken. I do feel that trust can be rebuilt but with alot of work from you both. If you feel this is something you can get passed and are both willing to work on, then maybe get into some counseling. If this is something you feel you can NOT get passed and do not want to put forth the extra effort to salvage this, then maybe its time to move on. I understand you both share a 2 year old together, but please don't stay for the childs sake if you feel its not something worth trying to fix.

 

 

 

Jade

[Merin]

I am wondering why the color of the woman makes any difference???

 

I was wondering the same thing...

Would it make it better if the Woman in question had been of the same race?

Sheesh... this is an STD (and they DON'T discriminate) who they infect.

[InLimbo2]

Am I the only one that is scratchin their head at the ages in this? She was around 17 1/2 and he was 33 1/2 when they hooked up? It's legal - barely.

[SilentPrayer]

I'm a 23yrs.old going with a 39yrs.old and we been together for 5 1/2 years and I just found out that he cheated on me with this white chick and i also found out he catch 2 STD from her and gave it to me when i found out I was shock I don't if I should forgive him or leave him and be with someone else it's hard for me because we got a 2yrs old daughter together and we sat down and talk about it and he said he don't no what make him do this he told me that he made a mistake and that he would never do it again. I told him that he lost his trust for me and that are relationship will not be the same again I told him that relationship is suppose to be base on trust,honest,loyalty but to me he lost it so I'm pleading for help.

 

 

ANY MAN...who brings a diseas into you're bed unknowinly needs to be shot.

I believe that STD tests, HIV tests, AIDS tests..need to be published in whatever community you are in.

It is unfair to the rest of us that have no diseases or are run around sues.

 

It may seem a little "old world" and really just pig headed to say that, but I did a study on community diseases in the town that I live in.....and WOW...shocking....really really...shocking.

I was floored by what kinds of diseases run around. People unknowingly trust their bodys with total strangers....and in "your" case. You trusted your body with the man that you were seeing.."relationship". Im really sorry this happened to to...and I am a firm believer of KARMA.

Love may bind you by what you see, so cover your eyes and let your mind and heart do the talking not your eyes and memories.

He is the father to your child but he also a "guest" in your body @ times.

 

Let me ask you this:

Would you let a bully, bully you in the playground? No right??!!!!

Then why would you let a man bully you in your life? Answer please..

 

I may not know you and your partners whole detailed relationship but if he can have unprotected sex with a woman he is cheating on you with, and then have the NERVE to sleep with you with no protection...and pass the diseas along......"its over"...no second thoughts.

 

What could have salvaged in the relationship after he cheated on you was totally kicked on the ground and dragged in the mudd by him bringing home a diseas.

 

ENd of STORY

 

Reply please....keep strong.

 

[RainyDayWoman]

I was wondering the same thing...

Would it make it better if the Woman in question had been of the same race?

Sheesh... this is an STD (and they DON'T discriminate) who they infect.

 

 

um, yeah................

 

also wondering why the colour matters........

 

if i had said "my boyfriend screwed some black chick and is disease-ridden as a result" you would consider that to be the most racist, ignorant thing you've ever seen...much like how i view this post.

 

read the title, you can see what she views as the biggest problem...and it's not the std.

[SilentPrayer]

Am I the only one that is scratchin their head at the ages in this? She was around 17 1/2 and he was 33 1/2 when they hooked up? It's legal - barely.

 

 

I was once 17 lol..and believe me..I was too scared of having sex because I either didn't want to get prego or didn't want to catch a diseas. So being that this girl/child is still a damn baby and she now has two diseas not to mention the fact that she is sleeping or was with an older man "your spouc" she is probably crazy about him and maybe even loves him. The girl is going through alot and believe me I doesn't have to concern you at all.

Walk away from this whole mess seriously, god will find your way and his 2.

 

No bad deed should go unpunished. "**** I should go into politics".

 

Back to story,

 

Seriously the girl is still a child...and so is your man. Hanging onto a little girl and for what "a firm body...to feel young again...or to just get what he needs"?

Whatever it is...not your problem. LIke the seasons change...and the skys clear after a storm. Their is sunlight at the end of any storm. Don't wait for the storm to be over...."walk on"...look for the sunlight.

 

Adios:D

[Mz. Pixie]

I'm so glad that I wasn't the only one who noticed that. I echo what RDW said. If anyone else who happened to be white on this board said something like this people would be screaming "RACIST". Ridiculous.

[onlyhuman]

I understand Brown Sugar.

My friend WhiteMomma had her guy go after some blackchick and then gave her crabs.Terrible news, he gave her a desease and cheated.Logicly she shouldn't leave or anything like that.Usually when confronted with a cheating scumbag that give 's you a desease and risks your life you want to stay and work on it.

 

Sorry everyone!At the risk of getting flamed, maybe deservedly so, this has to be just another hoax.If not...

 

Leave him quickly.

Head to a lawyer and get child support.

Nothing is certain in life but try to choose wiser in your next mate.

Keep on top of your medical condition,some of the new drugs are great and make sure you disclose your condition to your next partner.

Use this as a learning experience, you got a baby that relies on you.

Good Luck, best wishes!

[Fritz]

Back to story,

 

Seriously the girl is still a child...and so is your man. Hanging onto a little girl and for what "a firm body...to feel young again...or to just get what he needs"?

Whatever it is...not your problem. LIke the seasons change...and the skys clear after a storm. Their is sunlight at the end of any storm. Don't wait for the storm to be over...."walk on"...look for the sunlight.

 

Adios:D

 

No, she is not a child still. Re read her post. She is 23 years old and a mother! Thats not a girl or a teen, its a young woman. Idealistic (and racist) perhaps, but not a child. She is an adult and the adult thing for her to do would likely be to dump her jerk boyfriend (with a kid involved, one could see trying to work it out though). Cheating is bad enough but the disease just compounds it.

[BklynGuy]

I am sorry to hear what has happened to you. The fact that the female is white isnt important. Cheating is the ultimate betrayal, but he also gave you 2 std's. He is placing both of your lives at risk. Is this really what you want to be involved in? I dont think I could forgive someone for that.

[Neptune]

Hey! There is no racism intended here, as I see it. Her expression is not surprising because race is always a factor when you are a minority. You naturally tend to talk that way. So why , if you reverse the colors it becomes an issue? Because, when you are a minority, race is always a factor. It is just hard to think otherwise and probably most people reading this will not get my point.

[Mz. Pixie]

Um, no I get your point but I disagree. That's victimization.

[onlyhuman]

Neptune, its simple to me , a racist remark is a racist remark.It might have been an off the cuff remark but it was wrong.

Rationalizing this behaviour doesn't help stop it.

[SilentPrayer]

No, she is not a child still. Re read her post. She is 23 years old and a mother! Thats not a girl or a teen, its a young woman. Idealistic (and racist) perhaps, but not a child. She is an adult and the adult thing for her to do would likely be to dump her jerk boyfriend (with a kid involved, one could see trying to work it out though). Cheating is bad enough but the disease just compounds it.

 

 

Hey,

 

The 17 yr old thing....is the GIRL that the 23 year old's BOYFRIEND is sleeping with.

 

The 17yr old..and the OLD MAN..the 39yr old...are sleeping together.

 

The 23yr old...is the woman with the kid.

 

Thanks!!!

 

Read first:D

[onlyhuman]

Again this appears to be yet another fake post.

 

Still , some good discussion so not a loss.

[Starbuck Queen]

i don't think the poster is racist, just insecure. You have to be a black woman to know. I lot of us won't admit it, but we are insecure when it comes to white woman. Society (esp black society) taught us as little girls that we were not pretty if we did not have "light skin and good hair" Many of us carry this on into adulthood. Add this to some (and I said SOME) black men who say that they only date white woman because they are easier to get along with than black women, they keep their appearance up better than black women (the weight issue), etc. So this lady is not racist, she is just dipslaying the insecurities that I lot of black women deal with.

 

Put it like this, if you find out you man is cheating with a woman, you are devastated. But if he is cheating with a man, it is even more devastating. Because you know that no matter what you do you cannot compete with a man because you cannot possibly have all the physical attributes of a man. I know a man being bisexual or gay is a much bigger issue but I say this only to make a point. A lot of black women feel like they cannot compete with white women because all the weave and contacts in the world can't change your color.

 

I am not racist. I believe that cheating is cheating. But just clueing you guys into some cultural differences. Lets continue a mature discussion. Because those of you with biracial children may have to deal with this someday.

 

StarBuck Queen

[onlyhuman]

Point taken Starbuck.

People on both sides of the colour creed spectrum who are not racist in the least have to unfortunately put up with a lot of the stereotypes.

 

It would appear the original poster was not legite.

[SilentPrayer]

i don't think the poster is racist, just insecure. You have to be a black woman to know. I lot of us won't admit it, but we are insecure when it comes to white woman. Society (esp black society) taught us as little girls that we were not pretty if we did not have "light skin and good hair" Many of us carry this on into adulthood. Add this to some (and I said SOME) black men who say that they only date white woman because they are easier to get along with than black women, they keep their appearance up better than black women (the weight issue), etc. So this lady is not racist, she is just dipslaying the insecurities that I lot of black women deal with.

 

Put it like this, if you find out you man is cheating with a woman, you are devastated. But if he is cheating with a man, it is even more devastating. Because you know that no matter what you do you cannot compete with a man because you cannot possibly have all the physical attributes of a man. I know a man being bisexual or gay is a much bigger issue but I say this only to make a point. A lot of black women feel like they cannot compete with white women because all the weave and contacts in the world can't change your color.

 

I am not racist. I believe that cheating is cheating. But just clueing you guys into some cultural differences. Lets continue a mature discussion. Because those of you with biracial children may have to deal with this someday.

 

StarBuck Queen

 

 

HERE HERE!! I totally agree with everything you said. Completly!

I am a minority. I am part native and people notice this. I get alot of flack from people as well for being native.

Alot of people can argue that they dont treat natives like that..but most of the time there is a kind of issue there..layin underneath some hushed comments.

I think it's great that I am part native...I may be 1-8th but...Im proud of that little slice of me that is native.

 

 

So cheers to you...you said what we've been thinking. lol

 

Silent:love:

[LexiB]

So...where is our poster?

[brownsugar]

I'm not over it yet but I still need some time to think about are future with are daughter

[spicybrown]

I was wondering the same thing...

Would it make it better if the Woman in question had been of the same race?

Sheesh... this is an STD (and they DON'T discriminate) who they infect.

I believe she feels this way because men are mainly attracted pyhsically. Basically if he wanted someone with light skin, straight hair etc, , then he should've chosen one for that. She feels as though her man was with her until he found the right white woman. It's one thing getting your beauty acknowledged in a society that sees you as the anti-thesis of beauty. It's another thing to have your heart broken, and another on top of that to know that when he made love to her all those times, while he wanted a white girl the whole time. She's facing a triple whammy. This, I think, is equivalent to find out your man is gay/bisexual, and never knowing it. (the shock)