cabeach Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 Ok, so this is what transpired..... This woman and I had been flirting for a month or so. We became very close, and I really started to like her a lot, although she was definitely the one that pursued me. We talked, emailed, texted numerous times a day, often very sexually. This led to a sexual encounter. That was about a month ago. Since then the calls have died down. We talk only a couple of times a week, and that was when I would call her. So, I stopped all contact seven days ago to see if she would reciprocate. She hasn't called yet. Previously when I have asked her why the calls had died down she told me not to take it personally and she just had a lot going on with her children and school ( we are both in our 30's), and to please just be patient with her. I kinda think that is a cop out since I haven't heard from her in a week. Don't you make time to talk to who you want to? Anyway, it is really hard not to call her, but everytime I do, I feel like I lose a piece of myself somewhere, maybe a piece of my dignity. I have created a two week goal for myself, thinking if I make it that long, I might not want to talk to her. I am dating other people, so it is not like I am sitting around waiting on her. But she is on my mind. Any advice?
elijahBailey Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 Don't call. Sounds like a cop-out like you said. Move on, she's probably not interested.
Author cabeach Posted September 23, 2005 Author Posted September 23, 2005 so, how do i stop obsessing about calling her? I think about it constantly....
elijahBailey Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 do an NC (no-contact). Stop calling her, stop meeting her etc. I know the pain may be excruciating in the beginning. But it'll die off with time. And I think that NC is the best way to way. And tell yourself that if you don't wean yourself off of her, you're setting yourself up for more heartache.
elijahBailey Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 plus, if you ignore her, it may pique her interest and things may turn around. But I'm saying 'may' so don't count on it. Either ways, let it go, cos that's the best thing for you.
Author cabeach Posted September 23, 2005 Author Posted September 23, 2005 it sucks!!!! It drives me crazy the fact that she hasn't contacted me. The last time I talked to her, I asked her if she wanted me to back off, she said that was not want she wanted, but for me to do what was best for me....this playing hard to get thing sucks!
portableversion Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 Just pick up the f***in phone and call her. Within two minutes you'll know she's not interested. Forget the dignity blah blah blah, you need answers. Ask her out for coffee. if she says no, she's not interested. Thus, end of game, end of story.
Copingsaw Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 She's not interested. If you need closure, call her and be very direct. Once she tells you she is not interested, you will have your closure can can move on with your life.
fusangite Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 You'll keep obsessing as long as you have to. But just because you are thinking about her doesn't mean you have to act on those thoughts. If you must call her, just explain that although you know she's not interested in you anymore, you need her to spell it out so you can move on. That's a humiliating call to have; and it probably won't result in you feeling any closure. You know she's not interested already and you're obsession anyway.
Lishy Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 I did that ... I was in the same position with a guy and tected him to tell him i missed him and if he wanted something a little less casual to let me know .. This was a week ago and he still hasnt replied!!!!! I hate this crap and i know exactly how you feel - Now i am wondering if he will get back to me when he realises i am not calling any more!!!!!!
westernxer Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 Consider this a one-time booty call and find someone else, unless you like hearing excuses.
fairy Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 She may be interested, but not as interested as you are, if you know what I mean. I suggest you let go now, before you get more attached to someone unavailable. If she changes her mind about you, she knows how to reach you. Be careful with your heart with this one though, she was quick to shift gears!
mixwell Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 hey cabeach if you want some support on NC you should check out the 2nd chance/coping sections on here.. I know its hard but the more you call the more you hurt yourself and seem desperate.. Just let her call you that is if she is still interested. Good Luck. peace
Author cabeach Posted September 26, 2005 Author Posted September 26, 2005 ok, so i saw her out at a bar the other night, and she approached me, actually kinda followed me until i would talk to her, then we stayed and talked until 4 in the morning... we just kinda chatted, i tried to appear non-committal...it was a nice chatt, about three hours, she told me she had been thinking about me etc... neither of us were drunk... we also talked about just day to day stuff, things i had missed talking to with her.. when i left she said she would call, still hav'et heard from her...what now?? another game? HELP ME!
fusangite Posted September 26, 2005 Posted September 26, 2005 ok, so i saw her out at a bar the other night, and she approached me, actually kinda followed me until i would talk to her, then we stayed and talked until 4 in the morning... we just kinda chatted, i tried to appear non-committal...it was a nice chatt, about three hours, she told me she had been thinking about me etc... neither of us were drunk... we also talked about just day to day stuff, things i had missed talking to with her.. when i left she said she would call, still hav'et heard from her...what now?? another game? HELP ME!This woman is a psychohosebeast. I'm so sorry. Either that or she was stupid enough to believe the crap they're selling in self-help books that she needs to make you chase her. If you ever have a chance to talk to her again, you should specifically mention those books and tell her what crap they are.
Author cabeach Posted September 26, 2005 Author Posted September 26, 2005 let me also add... this girl is smokin hot!! LOL... It was Friday night when I saw her, and no call yet. I am not going to call her till at least Saturday. To add a twist that I haven't divulged, my ex gf who is a wonderful girl, really really loves me unconditinally, wants to work things out, and though we have been talking I can not give her the attention she deserves until I stop obsessing about this woman! I don't want to get into a situation where I would hurt her. I love her very much, I am just torn with confusion right now. And this dark obsession is killing me. I don't know if I am obsessing because it is a "I cant have her type of thing?"
LauraBancroft Posted September 26, 2005 Posted September 26, 2005 let me also add... this girl is smokin hot!! LOL... It was Friday night when I saw her, and no call yet. I am not going to call her till at least Saturday. To add a twist that I haven't divulged, my ex gf who is a wonderful girl, really really loves me unconditinally, wants to work things out, and though we have been talking I can not give her the attention she deserves until I stop obsessing about this woman! I don't want to get into a situation where I would hurt her. I love her very much, I am just torn with confusion right now. And this dark obsession is killing me. I don't know if I am obsessing because it is a "I cant have her type of thing?" I don't care how smoking hot she is. She uses that to her advantage and you know what? Apparently it works! I'm not trying to be harsh with you, I understand your dilemma but you need to understand that this woman is truly only into you when she wants to be. Ever read the book "He's Just Not That Into You"? If not read it. All of the classic symptoms are there. She is playing you when she wants to have fun and it looks like what it is. She's just out for fun and doesn't want anything serious. Either you can conform and just be content with banging her (harsh words?yes but so true) or you can cut your losses and move on to meet someone who is actually into you and you can make something with! Best of luck.
whichwayisup Posted September 26, 2005 Posted September 26, 2005 Just pick up the f***in phone and call her. Within two minutes you'll know she's not interested. Forget the dignity blah blah blah, you need answers. Ask her out for coffee. if she says no, she's not interested. Thus, end of game, end of story. That is what I was going to say. Just come right out and ask her what's going on. Better to be honest and upfront with her, because it seems that is who you are. No games, no bulls*** - lay it all out on the line for her ... You guys connected, met and have some fun and that you'd like to continue seeing her. Ask her directly if she's into you or not. Even say to her, don't worry bout hurting my feelings, truth is better than being played. Good luck
Author cabeach Posted September 26, 2005 Author Posted September 26, 2005 well, we have spoke about liking each other on numerous occasions prior. The timing of all this was unfortunate, as I was just getting out of a relationship, (like only a day or two prior) so a lot of our friends were looking on this with "dismay" so to speak. We both kinda took a backseat for a while. (her more than I) The other night she said that it took her a little longer to deal with that than it took me, but she never wanted it to become an issue between us. But, my response to her was that she could have called to talk about it. She said when things like that happen, she just "shuts down." I didnt' pressure her to talk, as I have found out that she get defensive when she is put on the spot. NOw, though, it seems like she still is distant. But, we were great friends before. I feel like maybe she got what she wanted, now she doesn't want anything anymore.
Lishy Posted September 26, 2005 Posted September 26, 2005 I really would say that she is waiting for you to do the chasing. That isnt to say that when you chase she will get caught! Proceed with caution!!!!!!! i would say this girl has issues and you may get hurt. I am in the same position as you but its the guy doing the 'nice when together, no contact when apart' yet i see it all so clearly for you and for myself its so messed up. Obsessing is a bitch aint it. I have been obsessing over him for a few months now but with myself i really think I just want what i cant have. My slef esteem is pretty low and him rejecting me just makes me want him more to prove to myself that i can! I dont really know what to tell you to do - If you call and she doesnt answer or get back to you then you are at square one - If you dont call you will never know! Give her one last call let her know you are NOT into game playing and if she is up for it then 'game on' You have to be in it to win it mate lol Good luck let me know how you got on cos your situation is so similar to mine its like self help lol
Author cabeach Posted September 27, 2005 Author Posted September 27, 2005 UPDATE>>>> ok, so she called this morning. Just to chat and say hello. Said she would call me back this afternoon. (I won't hold my breathe) No flirting, just casual conversation. Just to keep her in my thoughts maybe??
basscatcher Posted September 27, 2005 Posted September 27, 2005 Why do men and women have to play with other peoples feelings. Why can't people just be honest instead of stringing everyone along. I have been and am in this same situation. I never seem to get out of it. Are we just fools? Are we to obsessed with loving and being loved? I wish we all knew what was the best thing to do in each of our circumstances. I met a guy this last weekend, wonderful guy, we have lots in common and had what seemed to be great chemistry. We hung out Saturday night. I havent heard from him since. He said he would call me and he hasnt. I've texted msg'd him and told him thank you for a wonderful weekend and I told him that he would be a great catch. That was that. I know I need to give it more time because I just met him this weekend but when yoiu have a genuine interest in someone you want that contact. You crave that other person.. The unknowns drive you batty and you feel like your becoming obsessed. It feeling like you lost control and your about to go out of control if you cant get that connection with the object of your desires... I think we have too much time on our hands. We arent preoccupying our time so we dont become so overly focused on something that is still infantile.
mixwell Posted September 27, 2005 Posted September 27, 2005 Sounds like this chick is playing games and trying to make you want her more.. the best thing I would say is play games back at her.. act like you can take it or leave it.. Maybe it is time to think about your ex as well.. not as a backup plan or anything but you know if you really care for her and wanted to work things out it might not be a bad idea.
Author cabeach Posted September 28, 2005 Author Posted September 28, 2005 new update... no phone call yet....
Author cabeach Posted September 28, 2005 Author Posted September 28, 2005 went out with ex last night.... had a great time( very good....)... but still obsessing about this girl, wondering if it is just because she is not available to me, if it is just the chase?? i donlt know? but i do love talking to her, and i do miss seeing her........ argggggggggg!
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