Fleiss Posted May 15, 2019 Posted May 15, 2019 (edited) Hi..I have been texting with this guy since last October. We met in January, in my city, where we spent 2 days together. He lives a 2 1/2 hour flight far from me, in another European country. We have also videochatted several times. I told him I like him a lot, and he stated the same thing on his part, but he sometimes ignores my texts. For example, to my last question the night before last, at 21:06, he hasn't responded yet. Of course, I don't expect him to reply on the spot, but... Whether I should maintain our connection, my mind says no, but my heart yes. Which one should I listen to? Am I overthinking, or there's some red flag here? Thanks.. P.S. Two males here (37 & 38). Edited May 15, 2019 by Fleiss Addition
Lorenza Posted May 15, 2019 Posted May 15, 2019 Do you have any plans to meet each other again? Any trips booked?
Author Fleiss Posted May 15, 2019 Author Posted May 15, 2019 Do you have any plans to meet each other again? Any trips booked? Thanks for the input. Yes, we intend to meet in a year's time - he just started a 12-year mission in Russia. (I had always wanted to visit Russia, - and him, too, now - but there's also this visa stuff..Haven't decided yet.) ......... Update: He finally responded to my text.. Really funny.
Lorenza Posted May 15, 2019 Posted May 15, 2019 Thanks for the input. Yes, we intend to meet in a year's time - he just started a 12-year mission in Russia. (I had always wanted to visit Russia, - and him, too, now - but there's also this visa stuff..Haven't decided yet.) ......... Update: He finally responded to my text.. Really funny. Hmm, I would think at this point the communication should have increased and there should be concrete plans on where and when you two are gonna meet. I talk to someone long term and the texting and calling is increasing constantly also there are two meeting booked in the near future. Think through if your connection is sustainable. Traveling to Russia is tricky and you probably won't be able to see each other much. In my case fights are super cheap and they weren't I'm not sure i was positive about it 1
d0nnivain Posted May 15, 2019 Posted May 15, 2019 I can't emphasize this enough: texting is MEANINGLESS. In the days before cell phones people waited days to talk to their SOs. If everything other than the pace at which he texts back is OK, calm down. If there are other problems then the pace of texting can be a factor in considering whether to continue. 1
Author Fleiss Posted May 15, 2019 Author Posted May 15, 2019 Hmm, I would think at this point the communication should have increased and there should be concrete plans on where and when you two are gonna meet. I talk to someone long term and the texting and calling is increasing constantly also there are two meeting booked in the near future. Think through if your connection is sustainable. Traveling to Russia is tricky and you probably won't be able to see each other much. In my case fights are super cheap and they weren't I'm not sure i was positive about it You're right about the possibility of him not being available, even if I go there.. We haven't even mentioned that, in the first place..
Author Fleiss Posted May 15, 2019 Author Posted May 15, 2019 I can't emphasize this enough: texting is MEANINGLESS. In the days before cell phones people waited days to talk to their SOs. If everything other than the pace at which he texts back is OK, calm down. If there are other problems then the pace of texting can be a factor in considering whether to continue. You're right.. What do you mean by "other problems" exactly?
The Outlaw Posted May 15, 2019 Posted May 15, 2019 I've always found it better to think with my head, never my heart. It may work out for you better in the event things don't pan out. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 15, 2019 Posted May 15, 2019 You're right.. What do you mean by "other problems" exactly? Those are however you define them -- any other issues you may see, whatever they may be. My point is that if the only thing wrong is the pace of texting, chill. If you see other red flags, look at the whole picture. While any one thing could be overlooked in a vacuum, multiple little things add up to incompatibility. 1
BaileyB Posted May 15, 2019 Posted May 15, 2019 Further to Donovan’s comment - relationships also don’t develop by text. They develop in real like, with time spent together sharing experiences and really getting to know each other. Don’t mistake the fact that you exchange text messages for an actual relationship. No, I would not invest in this relationship as anything more than a friendship. Plans to see each other in a year are not actually plans... a lot can happen in a year. I would still be dating other people... 1
Author Fleiss Posted May 16, 2019 Author Posted May 16, 2019 (edited) Further to Donovan’s comment - relationships also don’t develop by text. They develop in real like, with time spent together sharing experiences and really getting to know each other. Don’t mistake the fact that you exchange text messages for an actual relationship. No, I would not invest in this relationship as anything more than a friendship. Plans to see each other in a year are not actually plans... a lot can happen in a year. I would still be dating other people... I am not mistaking that - I'm totally against a "WhatsApp relationship". But was I wrong about telling him that I miss him? Also, on Saturday, when we last videochatted together, I stressed the fact I liked him a lot. I shouldn't have uttered those words, right? To my comment he responded that he felt the same about me..but, all things considered, I have the feeling, especially now, that he likes me just as friend.. How can I take at least a step back? Should I say to him now that my comment on Saturday was hasty? This because I sometimes may forget that we are so far from each other.. P.S. 1.He has already invited me to visit him in his hometown, but about me seeing him in Moscow, he didn't suggest anything thinking that the cost is [too] high, which is true, in my case. 2.I am dating, when possible, other people, as well. Edited May 16, 2019 by Fleiss Addition
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