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Should I keep seeing this girl?

AceDaBrain8

By AceDaBrain8
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AceDaBrain8 Member

AceDaBrain8

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I'm 30 years old, been seeing this 20 year old (almost 21) for a few months. She is very very attractive and genuinely a very nice girl but there's a couple things that scare me

 

 

1)The age difference

 

 

2)She is in pre-med and wants to be a doctor. This is the last thing I would ever want my potential girlfriend to do...to work a very stressful and high hours job. Residents in med school work like 70 hours a week. I make a lot of money myself, I really wanted a woman with an easy job who can spend a lot of time with me

 

 

Should i still keep seeing her? Don't most pre-med students end up doing something else once they see how hard it is?

PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

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Why are you asking us? If you think the age difference or her choice of career are a problem for you, then stop seeing her. If not, then carry on. Why do you think that we know better than you do??

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AceDaBrain8 Member

AceDaBrain8

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Why are you asking us? If you think the age difference or her choice of career are a problem for you, then stop seeing her. If not, then carry on. Why do you think that we know better than you do??

 

 

scare me doesn't necessarily mean stop me

 

 

the age is not as big of a deal as the career choice. I don't know, would be open to changing her career path once she sees how horrible it is for having a family? I make a lot of money myself, everything is nearly paid off. Can I convince her to take on an easy job with me

PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

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would be open to changing her career path once she sees how horrible it is for having a family?

This is a question that only she can answer.

 

Can I convince her to take on an easy job with me

Again, this is a question only she can answer.

Foxhall Established Member

Foxhall

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seems you have a pretty good catch here,

 

lol, well being able to spend a lot of time together is not necessarily a good thing either, a bit of space is no harm too.

 

I suspect if she is a Doctor , she is quite independent and focused and she will not want to be sponging off you,

 

so I don't think the idea of giving up a career to simply be your girlfriend will be enough stimulation for her,

 

that being said if she is of Asian/Indian background , it is possible that she might be prepared to drop everything for you (but I doubt it)

 

My advice is keep the relationship going, but do not stand in the way of her becoming a Doctor, support her and help fulfill her dreams, not be creating an obstacle for her.

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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You are incompatible.

You want a SAHM, she is on course to be a doctor.

She will be a very unhappy and resentful SAHM.

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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Don't most pre-med students end up doing something else once they see how hard it is?

 

No.

 

If that is really how you feel, should break up with this girl so that she can feel free to pursue her dreams. You don’t want to hold her back...

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BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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would she be open to changing her career path once she sees how horrible it is for having a family?

 

No. Would we ask that of a man - no.

 

I have friends, both men and women, who are physicians. They all manage to have a family. None are a stay at home parent though...

 

You want a stay at home mother and she wants a career. She can have both, but apparently not with you. Thus, you are incompatible and you should break up.

 

Can I convince her to take on an easy job with me

 

Are you really that selfish? Do you really think she would be happy giving up her dream to get an “easy job” and marry you... Don’t ask her to do that.

 

If you want a beautiful, young woman who is content to work an “easy job” and be at your beck and call, you need to find someone else. This woman has big dreams and I hope she doesn’t let you get in her way...

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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Don't most pre-med students end up doing something else once they see how hard it is?

 

 

I'm not sure that's true and you certainly can't project this onto her. She may very well move forward.

 

 

I do, however, think it's a little maybe, delusional, for a 30 year old guy to start dating a 20 year old girl and think that you will be her last boyfriend :)

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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No. You want to squash her dreams. I have no idea why under those circumstances she would want to continue seeing you.

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BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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I do, however, think it's a little maybe, delusional, for a 30 year old guy to start dating a 20 year old girl and think that you will be her last boyfriend :)

 

So true. Especially considering that you are at two very different life stages. You are established in your career and want to start a family. She is wanting to go to school and establish her career - she is just getting started...

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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I really wanted a woman with an easy job who can spend a lot of time with me

 

 

Does anyone else find this statement to be a little bit of a "record scratch"?

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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scare me doesn't necessarily mean stop me

 

 

the age is not as big of a deal as the career choice. I don't know, would be open to changing her career path once she sees how horrible it is for having a family? I make a lot of money myself, everything is nearly paid off. Can I convince her to take on an easy job with me

wow you are selfish...you want to redirect someone's dream to benefit your desires.

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AceDaBrain8 Member

AceDaBrain8

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You are incompatible.

You want a SAHM, she is on course to be a doctor.

She will be a very unhappy and resentful SAHM.

 

 

You guys are misunderstanding me

 

She can work a job but work something with easy hours and no stress. Being a doctor is a trainwreck, medical school and residency are an absolute nightmare

 

Would she not be happy just having a very easy life with me? I make about 200K and have a nearly paid off house

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AceDaBrain8 Member

AceDaBrain8

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So true. Especially considering that you are at two very different life stages. You are established in your career and want to start a family. She is wanting to go to school and establish her career - she is just getting started...

 

 

She is absolutely crazy about me. She is not typical girl - she's eastern european. They settle down and have kids at 24

 

She will marry me if we keep the current trajectory

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AceDaBrain8 Member

AceDaBrain8

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wow you are selfish...you want to redirect someone's dream to benefit your desires.

 

 

I'm willing to bet she would be happier with my plan than torturing herself working 80 hours a week in residency

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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She is absolutely crazy about me. She is not typical girl - she's eastern european. They settle down and have kids at 24

 

She will marry me if we keep the current trajectory

 

 

Is she a citizen?

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AceDaBrain8 Member

AceDaBrain8

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Is she a citizen?

 

Yes

 

Been here 6 years

vla1120 Established Member

vla1120

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She is absolutely crazy about me. She is not typical girl - she's eastern european. They settle down and have kids at 24

 

She will marry me if we keep the current trajectory

 

Don't ruin this girl's life by asking her to give up her dream of being a doctor to get some easy, stress-free job so she can spend more time with you. If she's smart, she won't allow you to discourage her from her dream. If you really love her, you wouldn't ask her to abandon her dream. If you do, and if she does, I predict some disappointment and resentment in your future. Either accept her as she is or let her go.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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She can work a job but work something with easy hours and no stress. Being a doctor is a trainwreck, medical school and residency are an absolute nightmare

 

Would she not be happy just having a very easy life with me? I make about 200K and have a nearly paid off house

 

I'm willing to bet she would be happier with my plan than torturing herself working 80 hours a week in residency

 

Nobody misunderstood you. You don't care about what SHE wants out of life. She has a dream of becoming a doctor. You think her dream is too stressful & you want a wife who will be subordinate to you in prestige & finances. So you are going to try to make her chose: Her life goal or you. You are not even thinking about the very things that make her the person you fell in love with. Her ambitions & her dreams are what makes her unique. If you truly loved her you would stop trying to strip her of her goals.

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AceDaBrain8 Member

AceDaBrain8

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Nobody misunderstood you. You don't care about what SHE wants out of life. She has a dream of becoming a doctor. You think her dream is too stressful & you want a wife who will be subordinate to you in prestige & finances. So you are going to try to make her chose: Her life goal or you. You are not even thinking about the very things that make her the person you fell in love with. Her ambitions & her dreams are what makes her unique. If you truly loved her you would stop trying to strip her of her goals.

 

 

I don't care if she makes more money than me. The problem is the road to get there is absolutely miserable

 

If she was a trust fund baby with 18 times my income level, I wouldn't care because she wouldn't be torturing herself working 80 hours a week

vla1120 Established Member

vla1120

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I don't care if she makes more money than me. The problem is the road to get there is absolutely miserable

 

If she was a trust fund baby with 18 times my income level, I wouldn't care because she wouldn't be torturing herself working 80 hours a week

 

Just because you think it is "absolutely miserable" does not mean she feels the same. She chose to be a med student. Trust me, she's learning just how much dedication it takes to be a med student. If, at any time, she decides it's too much for her, then it's HER choice to change direction. You should not be trying to make that decision for her.

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AceDaBrain8 Member

AceDaBrain8

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Just because you think it is "absolutely miserable" does not mean she feels the same. She chose to be a med student. Trust me, she's learning just how much dedication it takes to be a med student. If, at any time, she decides it's too much for her, then it's HER choice to change direction. You should not be trying to make that decision for her.

 

 

Her having more money in exchanged for her being stressed, being unavailable and having no sex drive is a horrible trade off for me. Absolutely horrible. I make enough money to support 2 households

 

I don't know what to do? If I break it off now and she quits that field, I just lost out on a potentially fantastic match for me. She is beautiful, very good person, tall and curvy with a beautiful body. Everything I want really

damni Established Member

damni

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Her having more money in exchanged for her being stressed, being unavailable and having no sex drive is a horrible trade off for me. Absolutely horrible. I make enough money to support 2 households

 

I don't know what to do? If I break it off now and she quits that field, I just lost out on a potentially fantastic match for me. She is beautiful, very good person, tall and curvy with a beautiful body. Everything I want really

 

 

Are you for real? you sound like a troll. Very unlikely a man of that status would even be on a forum like this writing your posts. You sound very unintelligent.

 

Cool story though bro.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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You think her goal & what it takes to achieve that are not worth the costs. She feels differently. If you truly loved her you would be supportive of her goals & dreams. Instead you only look at this from your perspective. That is not love; it's selfish.

 

At the very least you need to tell her how you feel & let her chose. It is her life after all.

 

You have choices too. If you are not happy being with somebody who has priorities outside of her relationship & her home, you are free to find a different woman whose goals are more in line with yours.

 

What you can't do is shove your perspective down her throat without giving her a day in her life.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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