elaine567 Posted May 15, 2019 Posted May 15, 2019 Now with a baby on the way, I can imagine both of them playing happy families and everything being rosey, while I’m still feeling down about everything x It takes about 3-5 years to get over a cheating event and to get a relationship back on track, so I doubt anything is completely rosy in that household. They will have rug swept and the baby provides a suitable distraction, but deep down...
Author Singlepringle86 Posted May 15, 2019 Author Posted May 15, 2019 A baby that they cannot afford, more money worries, a failing business. They’ve been together 3 years and when I asked him why they didn’t live together he says it’s cause he likes his own space, so now that will be gone. Juggling 3 other kids who are 7, 14 & 16. The 7 year old’s mum hates him and only lets him see the child for 2 hours a week.... makes me wonder now... What I don’t understand is why she has been sleeping with him after learning of the cheating. If i found out my bf had cheated and I had decided to stay, I would not be going anywhere near him for a while at least. All the family are showing off the scan picture on Facebook and how it’s wonderful news. Surely SOMEONE in that family can see that this is going to be a disaster? Or am I just hoping it will be? I don’t know anymore x
elaine567 Posted May 15, 2019 Posted May 15, 2019 What I don’t understand is why she has been sleeping with him after learning of the cheating. If i found out my bf had cheated and I had decided to stay, I would not be going anywhere near him for a while at least. It's called "hysterical bonding" - Google it
Author Singlepringle86 Posted May 15, 2019 Author Posted May 15, 2019 Is this baby going to end in disaster? x
BaileyB Posted May 15, 2019 Posted May 15, 2019 Looking back, I doubt he even contemplated suicide and just said it as a way to guilt trip me and play the victim. Who the hell does that??? My heads just a bit of a mess right now. I’ve taken it hard when he told me I had ruined his life. Deep down I know I didn’t, but still, that’s not a nice thing to put on someone’s shoulders. No, it’s not a nice thing to do to someone else. What does that tell you about the character of a man - who cheats and then attempts to manipulate you by threatening suicide and blaming you for his poor life choices. Think of it this way - he is attempting to making himself the victim, blaming you for everything and trying to put the responsibility for his poor choices into you. When in truth, he has victimized you by lying to you and manipulating you to get what he wanted. He is welcome to say whatever he wants to say, it’s your choice whether you decide to listen and give any credibility to anything he says. In other words, whether you allow him to victimize you further, is entirely your decision.
BaileyB Posted May 15, 2019 Posted May 15, 2019 Clearly, this baby is going to end in disaster - just as the other three have as well. There is a clear pattern of behaviour here... Why did she take him back, because she is 25 and not wise to the world? Seriously, lots of women don’t pay attention to the warning flags - and he’s got many - failed relationships, multiple children, child support, financial distress, past history of cheating... it goes on and on. And yet, sadly, there will always be a woman who falls for his charm and thinks somehow things will be different... that those other women just didn’t understand him the way that she does... That, and of course, you have no idea what is actually going on in that home. I doubt things are are positive as they seem on Facebook! 1
Author Singlepringle86 Posted May 15, 2019 Author Posted May 15, 2019 Thanks for your replies BaileyB. I have taken myself off Facebook as I think I need to take some time out x 1
kendahke Posted May 15, 2019 Posted May 15, 2019 Everyone keeps telling me I’ve dodged a bullet, but I kinda miss him in a weird way. I actually believed he cared about me and so I’m finding that a bit hard now I’ve realised that he didn’t. I also forgot to mention that in his message to me telling me he had come clean to his girlfriend, he wrote that his relationship had now ended, that I had ruined his life and blamed me for everything. I must not have ruined his life that much cause soon after the gf has jumped into bed with him, (so obviously not too bothered about the cheating!) and his relationship wasn’t over, so more lies. that is how an immature man who has lied, deceived and created an unholy mess behaves. Not too stable, is he? The way he tried to play her off is the exact way he will play you off when your time came 'round. Dude is messy a. f. 1
preraph Posted May 15, 2019 Posted May 15, 2019 It will help you get over him if you just accept that he is not the right match for you and certainly not who you hoped he was. He's made a mess of his life. Don't let him make a mess of yours too.
smackie9 Posted May 15, 2019 Posted May 15, 2019 I also forgot to mention that in his message to me telling me he had come clean to his girlfriend, he wrote that his relationship had now ended, that I had ruined his life and blamed me for everything. I must not have ruined his life that much cause soon after the gf has jumped into bed with him, (so obviously not too bothered about the cheating!) and his relationship wasn’t over, so more lies. How do you know all this?? Is just from him? If this info is all from him, it's just more manipulation. The guy is a crackpot.
mark clemson Posted May 15, 2019 Posted May 15, 2019 Walk away from this total trainwreck and keep walking. Suggest you don't wonder about this poor baby and this very messed up couple. Just let them go. Some people are like shards of broken glass and if you try to reach out to help them you just risk being cut yourself. Be VERY glad that you were just a spectator (for the most part) to all of this. In addition to the suggestions above for getting it off your mind, don't forget to spend at least 10 min/day outside or otherwise in nature (boosts serotonin levels).
Author Singlepringle86 Posted May 15, 2019 Author Posted May 15, 2019 Thanks for your replies/advice x
Author Singlepringle86 Posted May 16, 2019 Author Posted May 16, 2019 So, I’ve just found out that he’s even more messed up than I thought. I never knew this.... So he met his first girlfriend and had his two eldest lads to her, then they’ve split up. He’s then met another woman and had his third child to her, but then left her when the child was roughly 1 yo and went back to the first woman who had had had 2 kids with. They’ve then split up again and a year later he met the girl he’s with now, and 3 years into their relationship is when he went on the dating site and met me, and obviously now she’s pregnant also x
BaileyB Posted May 16, 2019 Posted May 16, 2019 (edited) Singlepringle, you really need to move on. You have collected enough evidence to know that this guy is messed up. Be grateful that you were able to get away before you were really drawn into this disaster. If you want more for your life than to be yet another woman he has used and left behind... look forward, not back. Edited May 16, 2019 by BaileyB
elaine567 Posted May 16, 2019 Posted May 16, 2019 I think I would have just stopped at the 3 kids from two different relationships...
Author Singlepringle86 Posted May 16, 2019 Author Posted May 16, 2019 lol Elaine that made me laugh. Thanks for your replies guys x
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