Sensitivetoomuch Posted May 13, 2019 Posted May 13, 2019 I dated a guy once last year and we recently reconnected. We communicate every day and have met once a few weeks ago. Because of schedules, we were supposed to see each other this weekend. He called last night and started telling me he was seeing a woman who is a lawyer like me (I didn't need any details) and he was invited to a wedding this weekend. I'm thinking OK, why are you telling me all of this?? He goes on to say that he went out with her a few times and she was supposed to go with him to the wedding (again, I'm thinking why would you tell me all of this information other than maybe you're inviting me??). However, he doesn't believe they are compatible and she called him to tell him it's better if they don't go together. So???? I suppose he was trying to get out of seeing me this weekend, which I understand if was already obligated on a wedding but wouldn't you know that far in advance? He never invited me so I texted him and told him I apologized for getting off the phone quickly after that talk (which I did politely) but I found what he said sort of odd. He immediately replied that I am the only one he is interested in and they were just "friends". He can date anyone he wants but I'm concerned about why tell me even though I know it's likely with all the details. Am I being too sensitive or is this guy a flake? He seems really nice and I think we'd hit it off if we spent some more time together but I don't want to waste my time or his given we live quite a distance apart.
d0nnivain Posted May 13, 2019 Posted May 13, 2019 Treat him with the professionalism of an errant client or annoying adversary. Assume he just runs off at the mouth & doesn't understand less is more & there are certain details you did not need to know. While you assumed there may be other people he's dating, you didn't need confirmation. Since he seems to be awkwardly trying to express the idea that he prefers to date only you, see if his behaviors match those jumbled up words. Let this bit of foot in mouth issue slide but recognize that verbal communication about subjects which require delicacy, discretion & diplomacy are not his strong suit.
mark clemson Posted May 13, 2019 Posted May 13, 2019 Agree - if you really like the guy, let this slide for now. If there's a lot more of this kind of stuff in future weeks it will be time to start thinking about cutting bait.
kendahke Posted May 13, 2019 Posted May 13, 2019 Yes. You are being way too sensitive. I think he was being transparent--but it seems these days, people say they want transparency in their relationships, but then they act like they'd prefer deception and lies if they're hearing something that puts the fantasy that's fueling this back into the reality category. He's not your boyfriend--he's a dude you know, lost touch with for a year and recently started talking to again--a guy who says he wants to get to know you. Sounds to me as if he got out of the engagement--could have been too late for him to ask you out last minute because of how it could look to you--like he went through his other picks and good ol' fall back girl gets the last effort. Apologize for copping an attitude with him--his actions didn't warrant that. 1
stillafool Posted May 13, 2019 Posted May 13, 2019 I dated a guy once last year and we recently reconnected. We communicate every day and have met once a few weeks ago. Because of schedules, we were supposed to see each other this weekend. He called last night and started telling me he was seeing a woman who is a lawyer like me (I didn't need any details) and he was invited to a wedding this weekend. I'm thinking OK, why are you telling me all of this?? He goes on to say that he went out with her a few times and she was supposed to go with him to the wedding (again, I'm thinking why would you tell me all of this information other than maybe you're inviting me??). However, he doesn't believe they are compatible and she called him to tell him it's better if they don't go together. He never invited me so I texted him and told him I apologized for getting off the phone quickly after that talk (which I did politely) but I found what he said sort of odd. He immediately replied that I am the only one he is interested in and they were just "friends". He can date anyone he wants but I'm concerned about why tell me even though I know it's likely with all the details. It sounds like he was indeed seeing her but is also interested in you. She felt they weren't compatible so now he is back to you. Maybe he told you about it because he wants you to know he is seeing other people. If he can date who he wants why did you get off the phone so quickly instead of just asking him why he felt the need to let you know about his plans to take her? 1
preraph Posted May 13, 2019 Posted May 13, 2019 I think he's going to be kind of high maintenance emotionally and you might end up like his mother and maybe that's what he wants. Working on limited info. It's just a vibe I'm getting that he's emotionally needy.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted May 13, 2019 Posted May 13, 2019 He sounds like a jerk and not worth your time. If he isn't interested, he can just not date you. Do not settle for his crumbs. Know your self worth and don't be an ego stroke for him.
d0nnivain Posted May 13, 2019 Posted May 13, 2019 I think he was being transparent--but it seems these days, people say they want transparency in their relationships, but then they act like they'd prefer deception and lies if they're hearing something that puts the fantasy that's fueling this back into the reality category. There's a difference between transparency & oversharing. It's good that he acknowledged the OP was not the only woman he was seeing. He just went overboard on the details. He would have been better served & I think the OP would have been less upset if he had said something along the lines of "I had been seeing another woman but since meeting you I would prefer to concentrate on this relationship." The OP was understandably wigged out by the details about the wedding, & how he's interacting with the other woman. . . .its was just too much.
kendahke Posted May 13, 2019 Posted May 13, 2019 There's a difference between transparency & oversharing. It's good that he acknowledged the OP was not the only woman he was seeing. He just went overboard on the details. He would have been better served & I think the OP would have been less upset if he had said something along the lines of "I had been seeing another woman but since meeting you I would prefer to concentrate on this relationship." The OP was understandably wigged out by the details about the wedding, & how he's interacting with the other woman. . . .its was just too much. yeah he was clumsy about it; however, would OP have preferred the alternative and what usually falls out? He keeps it to himself, he's sleeping with other women and not letting her know until a slip up happens. If it bothers her that badly, dump him. Doesn't warrant all this hand wringing over someone she'd lost touch with for an entire year. 1
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