Love2015 Posted May 13, 2019 Posted May 13, 2019 Hi, I am giving up on OLD. I just went out with yet another man. Around 1.5 months. Had sex..baam he stops seeing me. Says I am needy and crazy on text just for asking him to meet. Mind youI asked a week later to do this. And I said I understood he didn't want anything but it would be nice to still see him. I don't like sleeping and then not even meet. ....two weeks later and I feel worse...he says wants to text but nothing else. I just feel bad about myself. I get it sex is not equal relationship but from there to not even see each other as human beings! For me it's like so many dates before sleeping yet after sleeping I am no one? I wonder if I am bad in sex or what is the issue here! Stopped all online accounts don't think I can take one more of this online deals. 2
preraph Posted May 13, 2019 Posted May 13, 2019 There are a lot of guys who do not want to just be friends with a woman. so many of them are just more interested in sex and then if for whatever reason that isn't working out or like he said that you're too needy, and he feels is too much trouble, he's not going to want to just be friends. He's just going to want to go on his way. Sounds like you might want to not text as much and let them set the pace. Nobody likes pressure. Most people don't want to feel like the other person is telling them they need to hear from them or they need to see them. It comes across as desperate, and that just isn't attracted to either men or women. I'm certainly not saying he doesn't have his own issues because I'm certain he does, but don't try to hang on to guys who don't want you. You need to have a little more dignity than that. That shows low standards and they noticed that. He'd be thinking boy she will just put up with anything or try to latch on to anyone. That just decreases your own value in their eyes. I think he's thinking that you're wanting too much too soon, and that will scare off a lot of guys. So if you decide to go back on OLD, don't keep doing hit the same way and expect anything to be different. Stay busy with friends and you don't have to be available every time they want to do something and don't act like you're just ready to make them your whole life. Show them that you have a life as is. Good luck.
divegrl Posted May 13, 2019 Posted May 13, 2019 Hi! Yes, I would stop online dating. It messes with your mind, emotions and soul. There are so many great ways to meet men in real life. Good honest men, they are out there! I hope things turn around for you my friend.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 13, 2019 Posted May 13, 2019 Says I am needy and crazy on text just for asking him to meet. Mind youI asked a week later to do this. And I said I understood he didn't want anything but it would be nice to still see him A couple questions here: Had there been any prior clingy behaviour from you before the above incident, or the sense that this guy was looking to cut and run anyway? Asking to see someone is hardly needy. That is why I am wondering if there is more to this comment from him, either on your part or on his part. Also, if you understood he didn't want anything more, why would it be nice to see him? That doesn't make a lot of sense if you are searching for a relationship.
d0nnivain Posted May 13, 2019 Posted May 13, 2019 I did OLD for a whooping 90 days. There were too many people on there with whom I didn't click. Get off OLD. Meet people the old fashioned way. As for this guy, assume it's his problem. Write him off & get on with your life.
Redhead14 Posted May 13, 2019 Posted May 13, 2019 Broken record here . . . I always tell women that the first time they sleep with a man, no matter how long they've known him, she should assume it will be a one-night stand unless he continues to contact her and make dates. Don't reach out to them again first. As for whether you're so bad in bed as to cause him to run, that's a load of crap. Unless the guy doesn't get off at all, I'd say he's pretty content. Seriously. I'm willing to bet money that when they bail after sex, most of the time that's all the really wanted. This guy was pretty patient and, I'll bet if it didn't happen pretty soon, he'd be gone anyway. How did this guy date you? I mean was he consistent with communication and scheduling dates? Did he seemingly drop out for a few days? Did he make you feel like he was sincere or were you kinda wondering all along? Get a thick skin if you're going to be open for intimacy and deal wid it. Don't shut yourself down.
kendahke Posted May 13, 2019 Posted May 13, 2019 Hi, I am giving up on OLD. I just went out with yet another man. Around 1.5 months. Had sex..baam he stops seeing me. Says I am needy and crazy on text just for asking him to meet. Mind youI asked a week later to do this. And I said I understood he didn't want anything but it would be nice to still see him. I don't like sleeping and then not even meet. ....two weeks later and I feel worse...he says wants to text but nothing else. I just feel bad about myself. I get it sex is not equal relationship but from there to not even see each other as human beings! For me it's like so many dates before sleeping yet after sleeping I am no one? I wonder if I am bad in sex or what is the issue here! Stopped all online accounts don't think I can take one more of this online deals. How was the sex for you? He's a tool... be glad this didn't drag out for years and then he pulled this. 1
Foxhall Posted May 13, 2019 Posted May 13, 2019 I would echo this is not an exclusively online thing, I mean there are plenty of bar hook ups and one night stands and so on,where the guy does not call back, lol is this only a guy thing, I had a girl do this to me , hmmn must be about 9 years ago (the time flies) we met in a bar, spent the night together, parted on friendly terms, or that was what I thought but she never answered any of my follow up calls or texts, like you I wondered was I poor under the sheets or whatever, and I forgot my watch and never got it back!! Anyway I think OLD is not that bad, particularly if you use proper subscription sites hmmn just judge it better next time, there are plenty of guys who simply love the chase- they come and go purely for the sex, but look I know there are good blokes online who want a long term partner and your prince could be there behind his keyboard too!
Author Love2015 Posted May 30, 2019 Author Posted May 30, 2019 A couple questions here: Had there been any prior clingy behaviour from you before the above incident, or the sense that this guy was looking to cut and run anyway? Asking to see someone is hardly needy. That is why I am wondering if there is more to this comment from him, either on your part or on his part. Also, if you understood he didn't want anything more, why would it be nice to see him? That doesn't make a lot of sense if you are searching for a relationship. Thanks for the insight. This is what I have to learn that if someone wants out ..close the door on their faces ... immediately. This particular guy keeps on msging and I have allowed it ..the whole sex messes me up as in I would still like to see him because we had sex once. But guess what? Even yesterday (after 4 weeks of not seeing in person) he is texting and so I asked him if he wanted to catch up...he goes back to same behavior that makes me mad. Essentially he behaves as I am after him and hence won't see me. We are adults I did say to him I would like to just see you because I feel I want that much of respect. It's annoying. I have to block him...but it's so annoying!
Author Love2015 Posted May 30, 2019 Author Posted May 30, 2019 Broken record here . . . I always tell women that the first time they sleep with a man, no matter how long they've known him, she should assume it will be a one-night stand unless he continues to contact her and make dates. Don't reach out to them again first. As for whether you're so bad in bed as to cause him to run, that's a load of crap. Unless the guy doesn't get off at all, I'd say he's pretty content. Seriously. I'm willing to bet money that when they bail after sex, most of the time that's all the really wanted. This guy was pretty patient and, I'll bet if it didn't happen pretty soon, he'd be gone anyway. How did this guy date you? I mean was he consistent with communication and scheduling dates? Did he seemingly drop out for a few days? Did he make you feel like he was sincere or were you kinda wondering all along? Get a thick skin if you're going to be open for intimacy and deal wid it. Don't shut yourself down. In hindsight....he was probably patiently wanting sex only. It kind of annoying. He was msging consistently but he still does....but now behaves as I am the only one interested when asking more than just texting. I don't know what is his problem ..why would he continue like this. Is this ego boosting or what? Cause it's annoying. I talk to other friends who get the same treatment..they date .have sex and the men just stop seeing them but want to continue texting....uff....Do we have to go back to old times where women make the man do everything and not give it up? What about having a healthy adult relationship where sex is just one more thing in a relationship!
stillafool Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 The only way to handle a situation like yours is to not have sex with guys without first getting a commitment or deciding, you want sex, are going to have sex without expecting anything in return but a good time.
Author Love2015 Posted May 30, 2019 Author Posted May 30, 2019 I would echo this is not an exclusively online thing, I mean there are plenty of bar hook ups and one night stands and so on,where the guy does not call back, lol is this only a guy thing, I had a girl do this to me , hmmn must be about 9 years ago (the time flies) we met in a bar, spent the night together, parted on friendly terms, or that was what I thought but she never answered any of my follow up calls or texts, like you I wondered was I poor under the sheets or whatever, and I forgot my watch and never got it back!! Anyway I think OLD is not that bad, particularly if you use proper subscription sites hmmn just judge it better next time, there are plenty of guys who simply love the chase- they come and go purely for the sex, but look I know there are good blokes online who want a long term partner and your prince could be there behind his keyboard too! Thanks for the reminder ...it's not about men doing this to women. It happens both ways ...I think lack of respect is what I don't like. 2
Author Love2015 Posted May 30, 2019 Author Posted May 30, 2019 The only way to handle a situation like yours is to not have sex with guys without first getting a commitment or deciding, you want sex, are going to have sex without expecting anything in return but a good time. This is true on one hand but not true in another. Even if it is just sex..the annoying part is he continuing to msg and when I say Lets catch up he literally behaves I am after him. This is. What is making me mad. ....his behavior towards me. Like then stop texting. !
Author Love2015 Posted May 30, 2019 Author Posted May 30, 2019 Obviously the answers is to just block him. Sigh....didn't really want to do this but what option do I have?
Redhead14 Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 why would he continue like this. -- He does it because you're allowing it. He got sex once, he's going to keep a string on this just in case you decide to cave (again). You feed the cat once, it shows up at your door every night to see if you will put food out and will continue to do it just in case. Block and delete him. 1
kendahke Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 Even yesterday (after 4 weeks of not seeing in person) he is texting and so I asked him if he wanted to catch up...he goes back to same behavior that makes me mad.Essentially he behaves as I am after him and hence won't see me . We are adults I did say to him I would like to just see you because I feel I want that much of respect. It's annoying. I have to block him...but it's so annoying! Yes--keep him on block this time. You now see him for what he is. Outside of you giving him access, why was he texting you when meeting up with you is not what he wants or intends to do? He's going to be one of those types of guys who doesn't want you to have a shred of respect for him; and people like that don't deserve respect.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 Obviously the answers is to just block him. Sigh....didn't really want to do this but what option do I have? Sincere question, but why not? Are you hoping he changes his feelings about you?
Author Love2015 Posted May 30, 2019 Author Posted May 30, 2019 Sincere question, but why not? Are you hoping he changes his feelings about you? Yes..I think part of it...we had great conversations so I am kind of bummed out...
I'veseenbetterlol Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 I would echo this is not an exclusively online thing, I mean there are plenty of bar hook ups and one night stands and so on,where the guy does not call back, lol is this only a guy thing, I had a girl do this to me , hmmn must be about 9 years ago (the time flies) we met in a bar, spent the night together, parted on friendly terms, or that was what I thought but she never answered any of my follow up calls or texts, like you I wondered was I poor under the sheets or whatever, and I forgot my watch and never got it back!! Anyway I think OLD is not that bad, particularly if you use proper subscription sites hmmn just judge it better next time, there are plenty of guys who simply love the chase- they come and go purely for the sex, but look I know there are good blokes online who want a long term partner and your prince could be there behind his keyboard too! This isn't strictly a guy thing. I've had guys tell me that a girl bailed on them after sex. OP, if you want to find out if a guy is legitimately interested, do not give him sex until you are exclusive. If you want a hook-up, go for it. Do not fall for love bombing because that'll wear off whether you give sex or not.
stillafool Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 This is true on one hand but not true in another. Even if it is just sex..the annoying part is he continuing to msg and when I say Lets catch up he literally behaves I am after him. This is. What is making me mad. ....his behavior towards me. Like then stop texting. ! If you have asked him not to text you then you are perfectly within your rights to ignore his texts of block him. It's really that simple.
spiderowl Posted May 30, 2019 Posted May 30, 2019 Thanks for the insight. This is what I have to learn that if someone wants out ..close the door on their faces ... immediately. This particular guy keeps on msging and I have allowed it ..the whole sex messes me up as in I would still like to see him because we had sex once. But guess what? Even yesterday (after 4 weeks of not seeing in person) he is texting and so I asked him if he wanted to catch up...he goes back to same behavior that makes me mad. Essentially he behaves as I am after him and hence won't see me. We are adults I did say to him I would like to just see you because I feel I want that much of respect. It's annoying. I have to block him...but it's so annoying! He has behaved in a crappy manner, not contacting you after sleeping with you. I would just not have time for him. If he is contacting you just to text but does not want to meet, don't bother repying. You don't have to reply. Replying will not make him want to meet you. If he thinks you are available, he will mess you around. Become unavailable and don't bother to respond and he might change his tune. However, you really need to think about whether you want to see a guy again who treats you like this.
TooBad Posted May 31, 2019 Posted May 31, 2019 Given your other thread, I'm starting to think you just hate men, project your ex onto them and chase them away. You seem to be very agressive towards them, if not in words then surely in actions.
BaileyB Posted May 31, 2019 Posted May 31, 2019 Given your other thread, I'm starting to think you just hate men, project your ex onto them and chase them away. You seem to be very agressive towards them, if not in words then surely in actions. I don’t disagree. OP, I would suggest that you take a break from dating. Perhaps, you need a little more time to heal and some time to find your own happiness. OLD can be BRUTAL! Sadly, this kind of experience isn’t healthy for you...
Author Love2015 Posted June 1, 2019 Author Posted June 1, 2019 Yes, I must agree..I am probably still not ready to date....and I am forcing myself to move on when I am sincerely not ready and having bottled up anger. Thanks everyone ! 1
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