hairgirl Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 Okay, I have this boyfrined that Ive had for almost 4 years. I love him to death and sometimes things are great but all too often they are not. We have the problem that the "problem" never seems to get solved. I feel like he loves me and I know he does or we wouldnt have dedicated so much time but Its like he knows and understands and then the same little argument will come up. Most usually it is about his drinking/passing out problem or his swearing. I think he definately has a drinking problem and is an alchoholic. He has drank for a long time now but has slowed down to only doing so a few days of the week, usually. But when he drinks, he DRINKS, like a fish. He can NOT stop at a few and its to where he passes out and cannot be woken up. There are times I have to scream or hit him to wake him up. Tonight I had something I really needed to talk to him about.. The TV was blaring, dogs barking inside, Im pounding on the door and he still doesnt wake up until I actually crawl through the window to see if everythings okay. He wakes up and thinks that Im being totally irrational and a drama queen. He says that It shouldnt be a problem and I need to back off because Im not his mom and he can pass out at his house. Thats not even the point, its that I cannot rely on him when i need him sometimes because of the alchohol. It needs to stop! And then he gets up from the couch and goes to bed, He said you go put the window back because Im not the one who climbs through the window all the time! Its been a few times in 2 years and hes been passed out! ANyways please keep reading because I need help with this... I get up and am leaving and Im crying and he yells and cusses J.C. what the hell are you crying about...and trys to keep me from leaving !! HELP... has this gone way too far or is there something I can do besides suggest AA meetings.. I know he can stop I just dont know what it will take.. Any similar stories???
fusangite Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 Wow! You're causing the problem because you climb in the window!? This man is in deep deep denial. I don't know what jars people out of denial; their girlfriend leaving them possibly?
Tankgirl Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 YOU cant change anyone. YOU cant drag them to AA. YOU cant make them see. That is the biggest life lesson I have learned. My dad was alchoholic. My first husband was drug addict. And my last fiancee (ex) was a pathological liar. (diagnosed) I learned that I was seeking people with issues. Which may not be the case for you. I left my husband and took my daughter with me. He changed his life within a year. He has been clean for 6 years and he is an amazing father. We never got back together. But we are both happier people for it. Bottom line darlin is that now it is time to take care of YOU! If he doesn't wish to change, you cant help him. And he is only keeping you from a happier (if not healthier life) Think about giving him the space to choose. Tell him to get help or you will leave. THEN LEAVE. Give him time to realize what he is missing. If that dosent do the trick then it is beyond your helping and you will be a happier girl in the long run. Just my humble opionion. - Best of luck in what you choose
Copingsaw Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 Tankgirl is right. This relationship spells disaster for you and you can't solve his problems for him. Your not in control and that sucks. Even if you leave and he says he is going to change he probably won't. I don't think there are any good answers for you.
Merin Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 YOU cant change anyone. YOU cant drag them to AA. YOU cant make them see. Words of Wisdom right there. You cannot change anyone... The only person you CAN change is yourself. You essentially have 2 options... you can remain in the relationship as it is, him being the way he is... OR you can leave the relationship and take charge of YOU. Sorry you're going through this... I know it's hard not to take it personal, but this is your BF's issue and unless or until HE wants to change that, there isn't anything you can do to make him. Good Luck
Art_Critic Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 YOU cant change anyone. YOU cant drag them to AA. YOU cant make them see. How true.. I'm a sober Alcoholic and have been sober over 18 years.. The year before I quit drinking I had been living with a girl about 3.5 years and she is the one that brought AA into my life.. The problem was that for a year every AA meeting I went to I went to drunker than a skunk...( and I went 2-3 times a week) I'm sure I'm not the only one that has done that but the reason I did it was simple.. I didn't quit or go for myself.. I was trying to quit and go for her.. That never works.. Now after that year i did finally hit my bottom and quit for good and for all. you need to worry about yourself and not worry about him.. Leave him to be responsible for his own drinking..
Author hairgirl Posted September 24, 2005 Author Posted September 24, 2005 Today itwas a casual "sorry" after I brought it up and thats it.. he thinks thats okay.. am i overreacting? I dont think so.. what??
downcydeguy Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 I would say I'm sorry for you having to go through this but after having a friend (girl) go through something very similar, I learned that YOU have to fix YOUR situation. You've obviously tried talking to him and it won't work. Have you ever looked him in the eyes and told him you're leaving until he gets help? If so, it obviously didn't work and you didn't do as you threatened. Guys sometimes take women for granted after a while and become "deaf" to their concerns. I feel terrible for saying this but you have to leave him and let him know that you can't be with someone who doesn't have enough respect for themselves to fix their problems. Good luck.
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