mejustme Posted May 10, 2019 Posted May 10, 2019 (edited) I am not sure how to explain this without sounding like a blabbering fool. Any how, yes I recently posted about him seeming distant, and yes he has had some pretty stressful sh*t come up with the Ex wife and daughter (blah blah blah) yes, some suggested that I run. But I wasn't ready to. However, he has now brought it to my attention about my Ex BF's facebook post being way too similar to my post. Idk what the ex posted b/c I have him blocked on all Social Media, and frankly don't care to look. Apparently he does, ( I am not looking for relationship advice as in you should run away, red flags...and so on, but rather, I just can't seem to wrap my brain around this guys thinking) Ok, so I posted a meme that read, " Don't let yesterday use up too much of today"- he called me out on this asking what happened yesterday. I replied with, " metophorically speaking, not literally "yesterday" just don't let your past ruin your future. He accepted that and moved on. I then noticed he clicked an event that he was attending yesterday, and thought, hmmm...that's odd he never said anything about going. Forgetting this, and then remembering later last night, I asked him if he went to the event, and he replied, "nope, been home all night" okay, no worries. about 30 minutes later, he sends me a text that says, "You were more than curious of my whereabouts, still creeping on his page and don't say who, that's F'd up" and of course I say, "who's page". it was an honest question. Apparently the ex was at the same event and posted pictures of being there ( I know this b/c he made it public and I had one of my GF's check his page) and then he goes on to basically telling me to stop acting stupid. My ex and I broke up over 10 months ago. I have had no contact with him in those 10 months. I blocked him on a social media b/c he was bad mouthing me numberous times on there. Whatever, I don't let sh*t like that bother me too much, I just move on. He proceeds to tell me GN, and I guess shuts his phone off. I am livid, god's honest truth, I did not know this before hand, and I haven't checked his page, nor have I had any contact with him, nor have I wanted to. when I walked out on that relationship I was done, door closed. So my question is this, what on earth is he thinking ( would love a guys perspective on this) please don't bash me, or tell me to run away, I already know what I have to do, but honestly, what the heck is it with him thinking that I still have feelings or some kind of connection over 10 months after the break up. I personally feel that he is using this as a scape goat or just drummed up this frigged up scenerio b/c of his own insecurities. Mind you I am in my 40's and don't have time for this stupid drama and no I don't live through social media, I may post once every month or so. However, I do post pictures of special things. None of which would ever be directed at or toward my ex ( as I said he is blocked) and honestly I would never think that he would even still be pineing over me after all this time. I fell in love with this guy I am seeing now, and want nothing more that to be in a loving and secure relationship and was very hopeful that this was it. No worries, I am going to move on b/c I can't take it anymore with him. Do you all think he is just that insecure? I am not sure if this is making any sense at the moment, but I would appreciate any feedback on this. TIA Edited May 10, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Please use paragraphs in the future, thanks
d0nnivain Posted May 10, 2019 Posted May 10, 2019 I'm sorry. I don't understand your Q. There are no paragraphs & too many "he's." I think you broke up with an EX 10 months ago. You now have a new guy. You & the EX are not connected on social media but your new guy checks your EX's postings? For a grown man, that sounds awfully juvenile to me. Your new guy is stressed about things coming with his EX & his kids. Your new guy has accused you of posting something that he believed was similar to something your EX posted? I really didn't follow this. You said something about a metaphor? I didn't get it. Your BF clicked on a link that said he would be attending an event. Turns out your BF didn't go but your EX did & you verified the EX's attendance by having a GF check your EX's posts which confirm his attendance through photos. Your BF got all weird & asked why you cared so much about his whereabouts. Did I sum that up correctly? I think you & the BF need to talk about boundaries & insecurities. Your BF sounds suspicious, untrusting, paranoid & kind of controlling. I would expect this from a teen not a middle aged man. I certainly would not tolerate it. 2
Redhead14 Posted May 10, 2019 Posted May 10, 2019 Whatever, I don't let sh*t like that bother me too much, I just move on. That is what you should do now. And, it doesn't matter why or what he is thinking. He is clearly not thinking about making you happy or dealing with things maturely. It's just one more straw on the pile of crap you're dealing with from this guy. It doesn't matter. What does matter is that you are not happy in this "relationship". Insecure? Controlling? Stalking? We can't tell you why he does what he does. This last little exchange sounds a little like gaslighting -- a nice tool of narcissists for mentally and emotionally messing with partners. I think you're seeing why he has an EX wife at least. 1
Author mejustme Posted May 10, 2019 Author Posted May 10, 2019 Yes that sums it up! Sorry about the paragraphs not sure why they are missing. I did have page breaks on my end. Yes, it is very juvenile. I guess my question is, should this even be a concern of the new guy? I mean me and the ex BF broke up over 10 months ago. As for the metaphorically speaking, I was referring to my post of the meme that read, “ don’t let yesterday use up too much of today” my interpretation of that is not to live in the past. That’s it. And as I’ve said, I have no clue what the ex posted. I have no desire to look. But once the new guy called me out, I did have my gf check the ex’s page.
clia Posted May 10, 2019 Posted May 10, 2019 Yes that sums it up! Sorry about the paragraphs not sure why they are missing. I did have page breaks on my end. Yes, it is very juvenile. I guess my question is, should this even be a concern of the new guy? I mean me and the ex BF broke up over 10 months ago. As for the metaphorically speaking, I was referring to my post of the meme that read, “ don’t let yesterday use up too much of today” my interpretation of that is not to live in the past. That’s it. And as I’ve said, I have no clue what the ex posted. I have no desire to look. But once the new guy called me out, I did have my gf check the ex’s page. No. Your current boyfriend shouldn't be following your ex on social media and shouldn't be concerned with what your ex is doing. Why and how does your current boyfriend even know your ex's name or who he is? It's all very juvenile, silly, and sounds like created drama. Personally, I wouldn't have time for such nonsense.
Author mejustme Posted May 10, 2019 Author Posted May 10, 2019 (edited) No. Your current boyfriend shouldn't be following your ex on social media and shouldn't be concerned with what your ex is doing. Why and how does your current boyfriend even know your ex's name or who he is? My current BF and I were acquaitances before we started dating. It's all very juvenile, silly, and sounds like created drama. Personally, I wouldn't have time for such nonsense. and yes, I agree...I am at my breaking point and would rather throw in the the towel at this point. And my new BF and I were acquaitances before we started dating. Edited May 10, 2019 by mejustme left something out
preraph Posted May 10, 2019 Posted May 10, 2019 Quite possibly the fact that you were acquaintances before and maybe he knew too much about your business going in is only making it worse. anyway for a grown ass man he's way too suspicious and insecure and juvenal and that's not going to change or it already would have. It sounds like you don't have so much of those type problems yourself so you just need to find a different man who is secure and not always suspicious and probably not ever overshare about your past relationships and feelings. 1
chillii Posted May 10, 2019 Posted May 10, 2019 Yes that sums it up! Sorry about the paragraphs not sure why they are missing. I did have page breaks on my end. Yes, it is very juvenile. I guess my question is, should this even be a concern of the new guy? I mean me and the ex BF broke up over 10 months ago. As for the metaphorically speaking, I was referring to my post of the meme that read, “ don’t let yesterday use up too much of today” my interpretation of that is not to live in the past. That’s it. And as I’ve said, I have no clue what the ex posted. I have no desire to look. But once the new guy called me out, I did have my gf check the ex’s page. Possible for sure , 10mths isn't long and your already with someone else. Many a woman would be on the look out too if he only broke up 10mths ago How long were you with the ex ? Anyway , yeah , you gotta talk about this stuff and tell him what you told us about it all first of all. Wonder what the ex put up , could be more to it than you think. 1
elaine567 Posted May 10, 2019 Posted May 10, 2019 One of the ways to identify a cheater is when he accuses you of acting inappropriately or cheating... He is being deceitful and is paranoid about you doing the same to him. 3
preraph Posted May 10, 2019 Posted May 10, 2019 Sometimes people who accuse you of cheating it's because if they were in your shoes, they would take advantage of it and cheat, so it often says more about them than you. 2
LivingWaterPlease Posted May 10, 2019 Posted May 10, 2019 Sounds to me as if you're fed up with this guy, processing it here on LS, and getting ready to throw in the towel on the relationship.
guest569 Posted May 10, 2019 Posted May 10, 2019 One of the ways to identify a cheater is when he accuses you of acting inappropriately or cheating... He is being deceitful and is paranoid about you doing the same to him. Exactly my thoughts while reading OP. 10 months.. those saying it's too soon to be in a new relationship, maybe trying hard to rationalise the boyfriend's behaviour. He's accusing you of being hung up on your ex because he is hung up on his own.? 1
Gaeta Posted May 10, 2019 Posted May 10, 2019 You've been dating him 8 months. Is this the very first time he's acting jealous? Is it out of character for him or he has a history of being suspicious in your relationship?
guest569 Posted May 11, 2019 Posted May 11, 2019 I wondered about that too enigma, but stalking her ex on Facebook and this paranoia seems very extreme. Still it's another possibility. Either way I would be very turned off at this point.
TheFinalWord Posted May 11, 2019 Posted May 11, 2019 Not to be harsh, but it sounds like both of you read way too much into social media. You can drive yourself nuts trying to interpret disparate bits of information. The entire situation just seems immature. Why not discuss these issues, instead of stalking each other's social media to try to catch the other lying? 1
dispatch3d Posted May 11, 2019 Posted May 11, 2019 call me old fashioned, but I prefer my dose of drama in person. I couldn't imagine doing this over facebook message .
kendahke Posted May 11, 2019 Posted May 11, 2019 (have only read the initial post) Sounds like "the best defense is a good offense" to me. He's trying to make you own something he's doing...
kendahke Posted May 11, 2019 Posted May 11, 2019 One of the ways to identify a cheater is when he accuses you of acting inappropriately or cheating... Yep.. my cheating ex had the temerity to pull that on me. OP--how old is he? 22? 1
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