continue a friends with benefits with another woman's man

[FaithInTheDark]

Over the past 7 months ive connected with someone through the internet. We are both involved in the same music and became what you could say "pen pals" he lives about a 6 hour plane ride away.

This connection has been very strong. Talking every day, all day, good morning/night texts , sending cards etc. the friendship does also have a romantic side...constantly telling each other how attractive we find each other and like one another

The bond that we have is very genuine. We finally met for the first time,( we both flew to a major city and spent 7 days together)

We hit it off well in person and did end up sleeping together. The thing im not proud to say is... he has a long term girlfriend.

ive never been in the situation before, for the record. ..i didnt think too much of it until we actually met.

Since we both returned home, the bond has been even stronger. and we are planning the next trip together . He offered to pay for apart of the trip as well.

The thing is, thru posts I saw just how serious his and his girlfriend relationship is. and it really hit home.

I have developed a lot of feelings for him and we are both fairly involved in each others lives.

After the post i saw, I told him I didnt feel it was good to be intimate on the next trip ...( we had spoken a lot about how we wanted to share that together

i just dont feel good about it, for his gf and for how i feel after.

He was understanding, and made it clear he values our friendship...and never wanted to loose that. He said as hard as it would be for him, we could just be friends when we see each other and not become physical. the respect is there....he was very respectful in person too.

The silly thing is deep down... Ive been hoping one day we could actually be together,... but through the mist of the discussion he seemed to say "i do have a girlfriend. plain and simple"...plus we live very far away..i dont know how it would work...but we would be awesome together.

I think him and i both have been living in a fantasy but im not involved with another person.

after this realization, i definitely feel heart broken...im trying to not make things weird but its difficult to continue to talk everyday. I just imagine him with a family at home. and it doesn't feel fair. i feel really sad.

Im not impressed what hes willing to do to his girlfriend either by being unfaithful,...

my delemia is ...do i still go on this trip to see him? im positive a intimate situation will happen once were together.

do i still continue to talk to him every day? it doesn't help wit breaking free from my feelings towards him. I dont want to loose my good friend...but the attachment on both sides is there.

its hard to tell anyone about this complicated situation. i dont want to be the other woman,

i wish could just live in the moment but i get too attached and simply want the real thing. not to be the mistress.

any insight

[Starswillshine]

No, going on that trip will be great in the moment. It will only serve to deepen your feelings. For him and the guilt and shame you will feel.

 

The positive is while you have built up a connection with him, he isnt someone you see often, so you know you can live without.

 

Get out before you are even further down this path. This man isnt a good man.

[preraph]

If you were with him, he'd be off cheating on you with other women, period.

[FaithInTheDark]

If you were with him, he'd be off cheating on you with other women, period.

 

i agree it puts things into perspective

[BaileyB]

i agree it puts things into perspective

 

It certainly does.

 

Tell him that you can not continue to see him as a friend or anything else unless he is single. He is not married, he has a girlfriend and if your relationship is really “written in the stars” he will do what is required such that he can be with you. Tell him to contact you when he is single.

 

But be for-warned, you will spend the rest of your relationship with this man wondering which woman he has contacted and formed a friends with benefits relationship with online... not exactly something I would want to do. Sorry.

[mark clemson]

I think him and i both have been living in a fantasy ...

i wish could just live in the moment but i get too attached and simply want the real thing. not to be the mistress.

any insight

 

It's easy to agree when you wrote it yourself.

 

Time to either end this or insist he leave the GF *if* you really think you can trust him once he's yours. Despite your connection, I believe the chances of him leaving her would be pretty low.

 

Best thing to do is end it IMO.