athletictommyj Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 My ex broke up with me about 9 days ago after 13 month relationship. It all comes down to I am not social enough and she wanted to spend time with her friends, it didnt help that I was leaving for Iraq in a couple months either, but it feels like she dumped me for the single life. She said she still wants to be friends and I still love her so much, she said she still loves me but she is not "in love" with me. I am going to try the NC and see how it works (how do I do this), but she still is going to call me and act like we are just friends. How do I NC without telling her that I don't want her? I dont know if I can be friends because I still feel those feelings for her. I also dont want to lose her either. Please help, this hurts too much.
pippen_2k Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 Ill be straight forward with ya! Your not gonna be able to be her friend cause you still have very strong feelings for her. Her calling you every couple of days etc will only cause you grief cause you will want more. You can put a big act on for a while like you are her friend, but deep inside this will eat at you and you will eventually spill your heart to her and this will push her further away. You need time to yourself for a while..maybe a couple of months cause your in no emotional state to be around her. If you have to tell her this for your own benifit do it, cause it will save you alot of pain. If she thinks she has made a mistake and wants you back, she will let you know TRUST ME! I know it sucks ass and I know you have heaps to say, but you will look far more impressive in her eyes and your own if u cut off all contact with her and heal accordingly. There is no easy way through this, just time. And your healing time will be 10 X faster if your not hearing from her ( Comming from experience ) Good Luck and please dont hound her with text msg and phone calls.
Author athletictommyj Posted September 23, 2005 Author Posted September 23, 2005 she had too much too drink last night and came over, nothing happened and she said she was not coming over for something to happen, why did she come over? Did she feel lonley? I layed next to her and wanted to kiss her so much. She went to the club and some guy asked for her number and she said she did not give it to him because she thought of me, is that good, should I still do the NC, or just tell her that if she wants to see me it will because she wants me back?
Author athletictommyj Posted September 23, 2005 Author Posted September 23, 2005 please any advice would be great.
fundamental Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 please any advice would be great. You hesitate to do NC because you feel that if you do, she will think you do not care. She knows you care. She made the decision to end things with you... Now you HAVE to get your mind straight... she cannot force a friendship with you. If so, she is getting everything she wants. Don't you have a say in this situation? You need to give yourself some time to think clearly... with you head instead of your heart. She is preventing this process by wanting a friendship with you. When she contacts you, don't contact her right away...she isn't your girlfriend anymore and she doesn't deserve your attention. She downgraded her own status with you and therefore, she isn't high priority anymore. You didn't do this to her, she did it to herself. If you slowly distance yourself from her, it is easier to do NC.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 She needed a cuddle buddy. You can't read too much into that. Sometimes needing a cuddle buddy for comfort doesn't really extend to much promising outside of that. It definitely doesn't change this: I still love her so much and she says that she loves me, but she says she is not in-love with me. The reasons she gave me were that she is only 20 and that she doesn’t know if being with me is what she wants Its more of the same. You'll have to decide if you are willing to settle for that, or move on with your life and find someone who is a little more "sure" about wanting to be with you at times other than when its convenient or comforting to her.
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