elaine567 Posted May 10, 2019 Posted May 10, 2019 You have only known her for 3 months, one month of which was minimal contact if I understand correctly. She doesn't know you and with this health issue she has retreated back to friends and family, it is hardly surprising really. It is also breast cancer and many women feel rather vulnerable as it impacts sexuality and attractiveness. I guess she feels embarrassed/ashamed to talk about that with you, a man she hardly knows... 1
ExpatInItaly Posted May 10, 2019 Posted May 10, 2019 I AM a loyal, trustworthy, communicative, loving bf and she indeed may be on the verge of losing that. She already made the choice to let it go, OP. That verge is in her rearview mirror now. It's painful and will take time to accept, but this woman isn't the one for you. She has got bigger fish to fry right now, and unfortunately your relationship was a casualty of more serious issues affecting her life. 1
Author Jon Faust Posted May 11, 2019 Author Posted May 11, 2019 She already made the choice to let it go, OP. That verge is in her rearview mirror now. It's painful and will take time to accept, but this woman isn't the one for you. She has got bigger fish to fry right now, and unfortunately your relationship was a casualty of more serious issues affecting her life. Guess so. Was thinking of sending her a small text just asking how she is doing but I think I’ll forget that idea. Loves so strange.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 11, 2019 Posted May 11, 2019 Guess so. Was thinking of sending her a small text just asking how she is doing but I think I’ll forget that idea. Loves so strange. I really would advise against this right now. She was clear she wanted breathing room from you and a break from the relationship. I fear that any more unsolicited contact from you is not going to be well-received and you will wind up hurt all over again.
SevenCity Posted May 11, 2019 Posted May 11, 2019 Okay, that's not a bad sign. I disagree. A break request is either from someone who can’t communicate their concerns/needs or someone who wants to string you along incase a better option doesn’t pan out. And regardless of the health scare, she is shutting HIM out. Not other people. You are correct in that a break doesn’t always mean a breakup, but you are best served taking it as one as it is a sign of low interest. 1
Author Jon Faust Posted May 12, 2019 Author Posted May 12, 2019 Now she's deleted all social media pages she had. This is getting weirder by the day.
rkc2 Posted May 12, 2019 Posted May 12, 2019 Now she's deleted all social media pages she had. This is getting weirder by the day. She sounds like she might have borderline personality disorder. Love bombing, moving super fast, saying I love you far too soon, crazy hot passionate sex like nothing you've ever experienced before, and lastly abruptly going cold and withdrawing, are all characteristics of an individual with BPD. Borderlines are also notorious for lying, manipulating, and faking all kinds of illnesses. My honest opinion? She doesn't have cancer and this is her way of ending things with you. And that last text message she sent you "apologizing for everything" was bait and you took the bait and ran. It was a test to see if she still had you and you lost by replying to her. End all contact with this girl for your own good. You've been warned.
mortensorchid Posted May 12, 2019 Posted May 12, 2019 "Taking a step back" or "Taking a break" means "We're done." Nevermind what happened in all the health scares and whatnot. Move on. She's not interested in you anymore.
newyorker11356 Posted May 12, 2019 Posted May 12, 2019 Now she's deleted all social media pages she had. This is getting weirder by the day. Did she delete them, or did she block you?
newyorker11356 Posted May 12, 2019 Posted May 12, 2019 "Taking a step back" or "Taking a break" means "We're done." Nevermind what happened in all the health scares and whatnot. Move on. She's not interested in you anymore. Doesn't always mean that. Context is important. In this case, it does she seem she may not be interested, but there's clearly something more at play here (like her possibly having BPD)
ExpatInItaly Posted May 12, 2019 Posted May 12, 2019 Did she delete them, or did she block you? That's what I was wondering, too. In any event, if she is truly facing a life-threatening illness, it's not unusual she would choose to take a big break from social media, OP. Perspective changes dramatically when one is afraid for their future, and seeing everyone's happy updates online can be painful. It doesn't mean she has a personality disorder or is strange, and neither does the sudden flip-flop in her behaviour towards you. I realize a couple folks here have suggested she might be suffering from BPD. I would strongly caution against making that assumption, though, OP. There is simply not enough evidence to suggest it, based on what you have written here. And yes, I have previously been in a relationship with someone who was diagnosed with this disorder. Love-bombing alone doesn't mean she has BPD. Plenty of people engage in that without having more serious going on than a lack of perspective and healthy boundaries. The same with pulling back, especially in the midst of a health scare. Let's not armchair diagnose when there is such little tangible reason to believe she has more serious mental health issues. 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted May 12, 2019 Posted May 12, 2019 She sounds like she might have borderline personality disorder. Love bombing, moving super fast, saying I love you far too soon, crazy hot passionate sex like nothing you've ever experienced before, and lastly abruptly going cold and withdrawing, are all characteristics of an individual with BPD. Borderlines are also notorious for lying, manipulating, and faking all kinds of illnesses. My honest opinion? She doesn't have cancer and this is her way of ending things with you. And that last text message she sent you "apologizing for everything" was bait and you took the bait and ran. It was a test to see if she still had you and you lost by replying to her. End all contact with this girl for your own good. You've been warned. I didn’t want to say anything cause I’m not a doctor or therapist but I thought similarly. I was like you sure she has a health problem or did she just text you that she had one...
Author Jon Faust Posted May 14, 2019 Author Posted May 14, 2019 She does indeed have bipolar disorder, which she told me about when we first met. From the time we started seriously talking up until around the middle of April were amazing, which was I guess her high period, and since then has been the really, really low period. She's still friends with my mother on Facebook (LOL) and she's extremely down right now and tomorrow is her MRI. Call me crazy or a fool or what have you, but I'm not ready to give up on this girl just yet. I'm a patient man (to an extent) and I'm willing to help her deal with this in any form, even if that means irregular contact for now. And I, ya know, love her too.
olivetree Posted May 14, 2019 Posted May 14, 2019 She does indeed have bipolar disorder, which she told me about when we first met. From the time we started seriously talking up until around the middle of April were amazing, which was I guess her high period, and since then has been the really, really low period. She's still friends with my mother on Facebook (LOL) and she's extremely down right now and tomorrow is her MRI. Call me crazy or a fool or what have you, but I'm not ready to give up on this girl just yet. I'm a patient man (to an extent) and I'm willing to help her deal with this in any form, even if that means irregular contact for now. And I, ya know, love her too. I think the poster was suggesting she has Borderline Personality Disorder. But like Expat said, not enough evidence here to say that at all. If you haven't seen her in a month, you need to give up. She has basically cut you out of her life. In healthy relationships, we turn towards the person we love in times of need. She has clearly turned away.
Highndry Posted May 14, 2019 Posted May 14, 2019 Per your original post, you had been dating this woman for 3 months, which includes not having seen her for over a month. So, in essence, you dated this woman for 8 weeks. And you're in love with her and sticking with her after she broke up with you? Buddy, do yourself a favor and wake up and smell the coffee. This thing is as dead as a doornail and this woman is not into you.
Marc878 Posted May 15, 2019 Posted May 15, 2019 Well the good thing is you'll get to learn the hard way.
elaine567 Posted May 15, 2019 Posted May 15, 2019 She is bipolar, she has a diagnosis of something potentially life threatening breast cancer, she is "down" at present and is no doubt socially isolating herself. The MRI may give her more clue as to what she is facing here. Yes, she has disconnected from the OP, but who is really "into" pursuing anyone romantically when they may not even survive...?
Author Jon Faust Posted May 15, 2019 Author Posted May 15, 2019 She is bipolar, she has a diagnosis of something potentially life threatening breast cancer, she is "down" at present and is no doubt socially isolating herself. The MRI may give her more clue as to what she is facing here. Yes, she has disconnected from the OP, but who is really "into" pursuing anyone romantically when they may not even survive...? This is the way I’m trying to look at things. I feel rejected but she’s overwhelmed with something I can’t possibly understand. I’ve read more about bipolar in the past 2 days than ever in my entire life. Others have told the same story as mine. Girl cuts off most contact and then later reappears. Today is her MRI and while I don’t expect to hear from her today, I did send her a nice, short email yesterday letting her know I support and am thinking of her. 1
ieie Posted May 15, 2019 Posted May 15, 2019 Let her go, if this is such a new relationship and the other person already wants a break, give it to her, don't be after her, you can be there for her, but not after her. She is very shaken by what is going on in her life, you can be supportive. It also shows that she might feel like she does not deserve love, and deppresion can cause a lack of empathy sometimes, the person feels like a hole in their chest. Hello all, This is my first post on this forum but it looks like a great place to get serious advice. I also posted this on a different forum but the more advice and insight I can get, the better. So I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 3 months. We met in January and things moved pretty quickly. We’re both kinda the same in that way, liking to move quick. Anyway, things were absolutely incredible between us. I’d never felt so strongly for a woman in my life and she would tell me how wonderful I was. She wanted me to come see her any chance we got and I did. I'd wake up to texts from her saying she missed me. I’d send her little videos before I went to work and she loved them. Let me say too, she was the first to say she loved me in the relationship. In late March she had gotten some possibly serious health related scares (possible early stage breast cancer, lump, etc) and she kinda shut herself down. We didn’t stop talking but I could tell it was weighing heavily on her, so I reminded her that I’m always going to be there for her, good or bad. She also suffers from depression, as do I, but I'd never shut her out of my life if the roles were reversed. She’s still going through these health problems and I’ve remained by her side the whole time. Problem is, I haven’t seen her in a little over a month. She says she doesn’t feel like herself and is currently staying with her sister for a bit to get her mind off of everything. Even before her going to her sister’s, she had become a little distant and she’d take longer and longer to reply to my texts. So three days ago I sent her another little video of me playing guitar for her, which she said she loved, and that night before I went to bed, I left her a voice message just saying I love you and I’m always gonna be here for no matter what. The next morning I wake up to a message saying I’m too clingy and lovey dubey and it’s not making her feel better. Then she says at the end of the message “I need a break.” I responded back that I’d stop that if it annoys her. Maybe I am too lovey dubey but she knew that from the start. She was kinda like that too. I told her how my parents basically didn’t even like each other and that’s why I’m like that. I told myself I'd never be like my parents in that regard, so naturally I want my girlfriend to feel loved and appreciated. Well I haven’t talked to her in a couple days now and I’m quite confused as to what to do. Do I let her contact me first? Do I go see other people? All I know is I don’t want our relationship to end. Any advice that can be given I’d greatly appreciate.
Author Jon Faust Posted May 15, 2019 Author Posted May 15, 2019 Let her go, if this is such a new relationship and the other person already wants a break, give it to her, don't be after her, you can be there for her, but not after her. She is very shaken by what is going on in her life, you can be supportive. It also shows that she might feel like she does not deserve love, and deppresion can cause a lack of empathy sometimes, the person feels like a hole in their chest. I'm not after her per-say, it's more like me trying to figure out what's going on. I'm certainly giving her space, and she knows I'm always here for her. We actually talked a bit through text earlier, with her initiating it. Said she rescheduled her MRI because she had a panic attack at 2 am and had to leave around 5 am to be there, and I mean I can understand that. She said she's feeling unmotivated, which again, I understand. It wasn't all "lovey dubey" talk but it's a start I think. At least she was thinking of me to text me about her rescheduled appointment. Maybe I'm a fool but I am willing to give this thing time to see what happens.
Author Jon Faust Posted May 16, 2019 Author Posted May 16, 2019 Well we actually just got off the phone and with her health issues and my starting a new job soon we’ve decided to remain friends and work on our lives and ourselves and take things a day at a time. So I guess it’s a break up but we agreed to see where things go.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 16, 2019 Posted May 16, 2019 Well we actually just got off the phone and with her health issues and my starting a new job soon we’ve decided to remain friends and work on our lives and ourselves and take things a day at a time. So I guess it’s a break up but we agreed to see where things go. Yes, that was already clear, really. It's going to best to take a big step away from her so you can heal, too. She knows how you feel but can't reciprocate.
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