Marc878 Posted May 9, 2019 Posted May 9, 2019 Play it cool. She's a want but you don't need her. Independence is attractive. Don't do the friend zone if that's what she suggests 2
Normm Posted May 9, 2019 Posted May 9, 2019 I sent a respectful text back I probably would have given it a day before responding.
kendahke Posted May 9, 2019 Posted May 9, 2019 There is no such thing as a "break". She broke up with you--she broke up with you during that time she went incommunicado on you. Stop contacting her. You're no longer in a relationship. Do what you need to do to work this out of your system and get back out in your social world.
newyorker11356 Posted May 9, 2019 Posted May 9, 2019 Needing a break' date=' space etc always means they want to break up w/out confrontation. If I were you, I would consider the relationship done and just move on w/your life.[/quote'] Not necessarily always true.
newyorker11356 Posted May 9, 2019 Posted May 9, 2019 OK but the next girl may love all the lovey dovey attention and will dump you if you are too aloof and distant for her... There is no tried and tested formula, you need to play it by ear. This. Some girls would like that sort of stuff.
Author Jon Faust Posted May 9, 2019 Author Posted May 9, 2019 Personally I don't see anything wrong with me making a guitar video for her and singing (terribly I may add.) I'm a professional musician anyway, playing guitar for 20 years and going on two tours this year. But that's not important. I'm taking this thing one step at a time and see what happens. Knowing her as well as I do, she sometimes will say things (not to me, but in general) and then realize it was pretty stupid to say. She's complex, yet from my time with her, she's also sensitive, which may sound like a blazing lie but it's not. Took much less time for her to text me than I thought it would. I expected to wait a week or two, but three days ain't too bad. I suggested in my response text that we should either get together and talk everything through or even just do it on the phone. We'll see where this goes.
Highndry Posted May 9, 2019 Posted May 9, 2019 Personally I don't see anything wrong with me making a guitar video for her and singing (terribly I may add.) I'm a professional musician anyway, playing guitar for 20 years and going on two tours this year. But that's not important. I think this is very important. I had no idea you were a professional musician, I was thinking total hack or something. This makes the guitar video way more legit. Having said that, this woman is coming off as a major flake with low interest who does not respect you. She is rude. And I also think you made a mistake not only responding to her text right away, but suggesting further contact to talk things out or whatever. This woman just broke up with you. I would have waited a day or so to think things through and whether or not I even wanted to talk to her further. She didn't even have the respect to talk to you about anything, just shot you a quick text that she needs a break. Lame.
MaleIntuition Posted May 9, 2019 Posted May 9, 2019 this this this. I was so annoyed with the posts that told him he shouldnt have done the guitar. I would have loved that. I ONLY date men who are doting boyfriends. You guys are missing the bigger picture here though. The issue isn’t necessarily the acts themselves but what lies behind them - an insecurity - it’s likley that OP was constantly seeking her reassurance from a position of depression and fear. Simply put: he is demanding more of her time and attention than what she can provide - therefore he is seen as clingy from her perspective. My point is: depression and insecurities are the underlying issue.
elaine567 Posted May 9, 2019 Posted May 9, 2019 The woman is facing her own mortality, she has breast cancer and that is a huge deal, it could kill her. She gets to be rude, to shut down, to be depressed, to be "lame", she is no doubt scared stiff and not in a good place mentally at all... I guess she is pushing the OP away as she cannot cope with dealing with "the relationship" as well as trying to prepare for the fight of her life...
d0nnivain Posted May 9, 2019 Posted May 9, 2019 She texted me this afternoon saying she was so sorry about everything but was overwhelmed. I sent a respectful text back and just waiting for her response. Her brother came into town for Mother's Day and theyre really close so I'm good with waiting for her respond back. Baby steps from here on. I think your plan to back off is a good one. Responding was polite. Maybe her brother can talk some sense into her. As for the song, since you are a professional musician, it's less weird. I do agree with whoever said your motives are what taints the gesture. If you were doing it to seek validation it does come across as clingy / desperate / unattractive. If you were doing it from a more secure position -- to use your talents to express attraction, that is better. Again, if somebody is into you, there is probably nothing sweeter. If she's not, it will be poorly received, almost cringeworthy.
Curiousroxy86 Posted May 9, 2019 Posted May 9, 2019 You guys are missing the bigger picture here though. The issue isn’t necessarily the acts themselves but what lies behind them - an insecurity - it’s likley that OP was constantly seeking her reassurance from a position of depression and fear. Simply put: he is demanding more of her time and attention than what she can provide - therefore he is seen as clingy from her perspective. My point is: depression and insecurities are the underlying issue. if you read the rest of my post instead of focusing on a very small part of my post you will see that I didnt miss the big picture. I just disagree with posters who try to say certain things OP did was a problem when it was not. if I had a sick boyfriend who pulled away and I try to bake him a cake and he ends up wanting a break the problem is not that I chose to bake him cake and the solution isnt stop being a caring girlfriend. the solution which I eloquently laid out to the OP is that recognize she may be consumed with her health issue (assuming she isnt lying about it), if she wants a break then give her breakup cold turky and move on, recognize some girls dont like doting but some girls do, and that he can continue to be a doting boyfriend going forward just have confidence, self respect, and be aware of a womans negative responses and act accordingly. that being said Op I wouldnt initiate any talks about "lets talk" or "getting back together". I agree with high that she wanted the break. if she wants to reverse that and wants you there for her then she needs to try to reconcile with you and not the other way around. and I agree with another poster (forgive me forgot your name and too lazy to look back lol) dont accept a friend zone. 1
MaleIntuition Posted May 9, 2019 Posted May 9, 2019 I did read your whole post, but only quoted the first part. And it still seems that we disagree on what the bigger picture. His behaviour was over the top. Multiple videos and messages a day is simply to much, yes, people have different preferences - but very few girls will be attracted to constant attention.
Author Jon Faust Posted May 9, 2019 Author Posted May 9, 2019 Welp, no response since yesterday when she initially texted me. I understand her and her family are really close but I don't think it's an excuse to not text me back anything. Now instead of confusion, I'm somewhat developing resentment, which I really hate to feel, let alone anger. My mother and a few of my female friends think I'm overreacting and that I should just calm down. They say see, she texted you first and apologized for everything. That's a good sign, and I'm just kinda like yeah, I guess. Part of me is saying cut your losses and kick this one to curb, but the other part says no, just be patient and wait til she has her MRI done and then see how things go. Not to mention I leave for Ukraine and Lithuania May 26th.
d0nnivain Posted May 9, 2019 Posted May 9, 2019 Forgiveness is not necessarily a desire for reconciliation. Concentrate on your trip. Go. Have fun. Maybe have a glorious fling with an exotic woman. Her head is not in relationship gear right now. It's still on health scare & you are outside that loop, unfortunately.
kendahke Posted May 10, 2019 Posted May 10, 2019 (edited) Welp, no response since yesterday when she initially texted me. . From your initial post: she says at the end of the message “I need a break.” Jon, she means she needs a break from you. That means she's not going to respond to your text message. I can bet she saw it and it shot her blood pressure through the roof in anger because she was very clear in what she asked from you. Any communication with her after she said the above is you purposely discounting what she has stated she needs, no matter how well intentioned you believe your actions to be. Focus on your upcoming trip. She knows how to get ahold of you when she wants to talk to you. It looks like she's quite good with the peace and space right now, going by her behavior. Personally I don't see anything wrong with me making a guitar video for her and singing (terribly I may add.) I'm a professional musician anyway, playing guitar for 20 years and going on two tours this year. No, there isn't anything wrong with making a campy, fun video--except when the person you're sending it to has asked you to stand down. As a professional musician, surely you can "read the room"? Edited May 10, 2019 by kendahke
The Outlaw Posted May 10, 2019 Posted May 10, 2019 Back off, take a deep breath, and cool it with the text messages/videos. It's thoughtful, but it's likely annoyed her and she just doesn't care for it right now. See if she texts you. Don't send her anything more.
Author Jon Faust Posted May 10, 2019 Author Posted May 10, 2019 (edited) From your initial post: Jon, she means she needs a break from you. That means she's not going to respond to your text message. I can bet she saw it and it shot her blood pressure through the roof in anger because she was very clear in what she asked from you. Any communication with her after she said the above is you purposely discounting what she has stated she needs, no matter how well intentioned you believe your actions to be. Focus on your upcoming trip. She knows how to get ahold of you when she wants to talk to you. It looks like she's quite good with the peace and space right now, going by her behavior. No, there isn't anything wrong with making a campy, fun video--except when the person you're sending it to has asked you to stand down. As a professional musician, surely you can "read the room"? Oh no the original break text was late Saturday night while I slept. I woke up to it Sunday morning. I didn’t contact her at all and backed off completely. She texted me yesterday saying “I’m sorry for everything but I was just overwhelmed.” I then responded a few hours later with a respectful text. That’s what I mean by not having heard from her since that text. Edited May 10, 2019 by Jon Faust
newyorker11356 Posted May 10, 2019 Posted May 10, 2019 Oh no the original break text was late Saturday night while I slept. I woke up to it Sunday morning. I didn’t contact her at all and backed off completely. She texted me yesterday saying “I’m sorry for everything but I was just overwhelmed.” I then responded a few hours later with a respectful text. That’s what I mean by not having heard from her since that text. Okay, that's not a bad sign.
Author Jon Faust Posted May 10, 2019 Author Posted May 10, 2019 Okay, that's not a bad sign. Yeah I’d consider it a good sign, but I’m obviously not a big priority to her as I once was. Believe me, this girl was all over me. But I’ll wait to hear from her because I’ve already sent my text. Maybe after her MRI we can discuss things. Time’s running out though cause I leave for Europe in 15 days and if it’s one thing about international data usage, let’s just say holy **** lol.
emeraldgreen Posted May 10, 2019 Posted May 10, 2019 Part of me is saying cut your losses and kick this one to curb. What losses are left to cut? You got dumped via the break excuse. You can't kick her to the curb because she checked out already. 1
Highndry Posted May 10, 2019 Posted May 10, 2019 What losses are left to cut? You got dumped via the break excuse. You can't kick her to the curb because she checked out already. And he hasn't even seen her in over a month. This thing is over.
Author Jon Faust Posted May 10, 2019 Author Posted May 10, 2019 Yeah I’ve pretty much accepted that our relationship will never the same, even if we stay together
fromheart Posted May 10, 2019 Posted May 10, 2019 The woman is facing her own mortality, she has breast cancer and that is a huge deal, it could kill her. She gets to be rude, to shut down, to be depressed, to be "lame", she is no doubt scared stiff and not in a good place mentally at all... I guess she is pushing the OP away as she cannot cope with dealing with "the relationship" as well as trying to prepare for the fight of her life... That's fine, but she must also face the fact that she might have lost a very supportive boyfriend. You've probably noticed, that's a rare thing. OP, Im a musician myself. Im also a very loyal and caring boyfriend. If a woman doesn't like that, she has plenty of talentless A holes to choose from. Remember that your a catch, and your talents and good behaviour are only for someone who deserves it. Granted, she's going through a hard time. But her behaviour is not deserving of your further attention. Really best to move on to fertile ground at this point. 2
Author Jon Faust Posted May 10, 2019 Author Posted May 10, 2019 That's fine, but she must also face the fact that she might have lost a very supportive boyfriend. You've probably noticed, that's a rare thing. OP, Im a musician myself. Im also a very loyal and caring boyfriend. If a woman doesn't like that, she has plenty of talentless A holes to choose from. Remember that your a catch, and your talents and good behaviour are only for someone who deserves it. Granted, she's going through a hard time. But her behaviour is not deserving of your further attention. Really best to move on to fertile ground at this point. Right on point. I also have no rockstar attitude, don’t sleep with groupies, and don’t do drugs/alcohol. In the past my vice was benzos but I quit it. Yes, she may be going a very difficult time right now but I’m clearly not enough of a priority to text back and just say “hey, was thinking of you,” or whatever. I AM a loyal, trustworthy, communicative, loving bf and she indeed may be on the verge of losing that. 1
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