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I (37m) had a really good first date with a (38f) I met off Bumble. ? re: date 2

Sm12345

By Sm12345
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Sm12345 Established Member

Sm12345

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We went to a local brew/eatery for beers that’s close to both of our places. Date went well, I asked a lot of questions and let her do more of the talking, both because that seems to work better for me and I’m a bit shy on date number one.

 

She asked for my phone/text me her number. As we were going our separate ways, we confirmed tentative plans to go for sushi next weekend.

 

A couple hours later I texted her this: “It was really nice to meet you. You seem really passionate, and I can always use someone to reminisce on how cool Montréal (her hometown) is. x”

 

Next morning she replied with: “Morning my name! It was really nice meeting you, always good for soul to talk about how wonderful Montreal is! Happy Monday :)”

 

Wondering when I should text back to confirm which day/time for sushi and whether I should give her the option of a couple locations close to us that are casual vs more upscale?

rightondude Established Member

rightondude

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Posted (edited)

I myself wouldn't wait too long to toss the ideas out there, but once it's done and confirmed (hopefully) SHUT UP and just say something like "great! Looking forward to it!" ... don't kill the second date by overtalking in between your awesome first date and the setup for the next one.

 

As for options, I think they're good in case she really likes or doesn't like one particular place or another. Just don't leave it open ended, give two options. IE "Who does it better, Egg Shen's or Lo Pan's? Friday night good for you?"

Edited by rightondude
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frus69 Established Member

frus69

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Confirm NOW.

 

Then just text sparsely, just make some small talks before the second date comes.

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BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

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Yes, confirm the time of the next date right away. If you try to overthink it or play games in the beginning, it makes you look uninterested.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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I myself wouldn't wait too long to toss the ideas out there, but once it's done and confirmed (hopefully) SHUT UP and just say something like "great! Looking forward to it!" ... don't kill the second date by overtalking in between your awesome first date and the setup for the next one.

 

As for options, I think they're good in case she really likes or doesn't like one particular place or another. Just don't leave it open ended, give two options. IE "Who does it better, Egg Shen's or Lo Pan's? Friday night good for you?"

 

^ This. I am not for making small talk between. Then you have nothing to talk about and it truly can kill the date. Not saying radio silence. "See you tomorrow at 7" will do.

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ChatroomHero Established Member

ChatroomHero

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Confirm with something like, "I can make a reservation at 7pm if that time works for you, otherwise we can do 8pm...". Don't ask if you are still on or if it still works, ask in a way that shows you expect it is on and it is a set plan otherwise you can seem wishy-washy and you might leave it open to a maybe, or "we'll see" or "I'll let you know later in the week"... Basically force a firm answer one way or another and not a maybe.

 

 

After that, like others have said, just let it go and don't text her unless you have something to actually say or unless you are responding to her texting you. Chances are you won't have much to say until the date so just confirm and let it be.

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Sm12345 Established Member

Sm12345

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This is what I sent her “Hey! So I had a couple ideas for our date. X on X is a bit more casual, and then we could nick next door to X for a whisky tasting. Or X in the market, if we feel like getting more dressed up. :)”

frus69 Established Member

frus69

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I dont agree with the "dont text her till the date", especially if the date is a few days away. I think you should text her every day to ask about her day. Dont text a lot but one little greeting is necessary. It feels weird when a guy goes radio silence for a few days then expect me to show up at the date with strong interest. I won't even remember much about him.

Normm Established Member

Normm

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^ This. I am not for making small talk between. Then you have nothing to talk about and it truly can kill the date. Not saying radio silence. "See you tomorrow at 7" will do.

 

My sister does that. She meets a guy and all of a sudden they're exchanging messages all day long about every thing that happens during the day like they've known each other for years. Sometimes she'll do this even before they meet for the first time.

 

Then after a few days of this the guy ghosts her and she's like "WTF we were doing all that texting and it was so great!".

 

You'd think she'd have figured out by now that she's burning out any possible relationship before it has the chance to get started. It also makes the other person think that they've just met a person with no life. Even if they're doing the same thing (there's an ironic double standard there but whatever). If you throw too much wood on a small fire, odds are you're going to smother it.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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^ yes, it's very desperate and most people wouldn't want to spend their time that way if they are mature and have a job and are adulting....

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swenann991 Member

swenann991

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Confirm NOW.

 

Then just text sparsely, just make some small talks before the second date comes.

 

Well, exactly!

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Sm12345 Established Member

Sm12345

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Haven’t heard back, should I move on to other options?

I'veseenbetterlol Established Member

I'veseenbetterlol

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I dont agree with the "dont text her till the date", especially if the date is a few days away. I think you should text her every day to ask about her day. Dont text a lot but one little greeting is necessary. It feels weird when a guy goes radio silence for a few days then expect me to show up at the date with strong interest. I won't even remember much about him.

 

I don't agree with this concept either. When a guy didn't text me in between dates, it was always due to lack of interest. Many times the 2nd date didn't even happen.

chillii Established Member

chillii

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Yeah , l think all the fun and games and acts are ridiculous.

lf you were into each other and exited later of course you just start communicating more and more automatically anyway.

And it's the most beautiful time to be so exited about each other and can't wait to talk more or end up up all night messaging and can't wait to see each other again, why mess with that.

With the only important women in my life , that's how it's gone.

 

Seems to be these flat not quite there things , nothing really much between you where these kinds of questions and crapola start coming into things.

Or maybe there's just so much bs out there now, it's standard these days, l dunno.

But there was never ever any of that stuff for me, if you hit it off it just took on a life it's own.

 

But yeah op , if after all this you still haven't heard back from her then it looks like it's a goner. Although who really knows these days , internet stuff anyway, people could really be actually sitting by the phone for weeks trying to out chess each other it seems, orrrr, it could be no interest.

Edited by chillii
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Sm12345 Established Member

Sm12345

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She replied back this afternoon:

“Hey!

Apologies. It’s been a week. I’m in the middle of a 12 hour work day as well. Let’s touch base Friday to firm up plans...I’m hosting a friend at my place tonight and tomorrow, so, yeah...a little crazy schedule wise until then!

Hope you’re having a good week :)”

 

and this was my reply just now:

“Hey her name! No need to apologize, I figured you’d be busy, but 12 hour days? That’s crazy! Looking forward to chatting Friday. :)”

 

?

Foxhall Established Member

Foxhall

Posted
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She replied back this afternoon:

“Hey!

Apologies. It’s been a week. I’m in the middle of a 12 hour work day as well. Let’s touch base Friday to firm up plans...I’m hosting a friend at my place tonight and tomorrow, so, yeah...a little crazy schedule wise until then!

Hope you’re having a good week :)”

 

and this was my reply just now:

“Hey her name! No need to apologize, I figured you’d be busy, but 12 hour days? That’s crazy! Looking forward to chatting Friday. :)”

 

?

 

 

hmmn, I don't think you need any advice buddy, your playing this well,

 

 

hope second date goes well for you.

 

 

p.s- swan ann-like your quote-Marianne Legato.

ChatroomHero Established Member

ChatroomHero

Posted
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She replied back this afternoon:

“Hey!

Apologies. It’s been a week. I’m in the middle of a 12 hour work day as well. Let’s touch base Friday to firm up plans...I’m hosting a friend at my place tonight and tomorrow, so, yeah...a little crazy schedule wise until then!

Hope you’re having a good week :)”

 

and this was my reply just now:

“Hey her name! No need to apologize, I figured you’d be busy, but 12 hour days? That’s crazy! Looking forward to chatting Friday. :)”

 

?

 

 

It's subtle so I wouldn't read too much into it, but the "let's touch base to firm up plans" is not great in my opinion for a lot of reasons.

 

 

1.) It's a Maybe and not a Yes. Whenever I date someone that is really into me, they seem to jump through hoops to see me and they will lock in a date and not leave it a last minute, let's see if I find something I am more interested in doing.

2.) She already knows if she has plans or not on each day of the weekend. If she had plans, she would say she had plans. If she doesn't have plans, she would say what she said...Let's work it out Friday.

3.) If I am OP, I am not too thrilled about keeping a day or a weekend open until he last minute, still not knowing if I have a confirmed date or not. Frankly, if the girl is into you, you get a "yes I will be there" or a "No, I can't do Saturday at 8pm, I can meet Sunday after 3pm". There is never an in-between, "Maybe...we'll see...call me Friday and I'll let you know if I have a better offer...".

 

 

So I hope it worked out, if she bailed on you, I just wouldn't put a ton of effort into her going forward.

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