Why can't I get over feeling unsafe financially with my boyfriend I love?

[howtofeelfree]

My bf and I have been dating years and he wants to move in. Being a conservative person when it comes to money and worked hard all my life and saved $ for retirement, etc., I am really troubled with his behavior. I live in a nice home as well.

 

He earns enough to pay his regular bills but nothing extra. He did inherit some $ and used a lot of it to pay back bills so he has some left and owes no old debt (he still charges but typically pays that off monthly). He puts away $200/month but he can't manage anymore than that.

 

I just feel like I can't trust him financially. I had to really spend time and energy and even break up with him a few times for him to change his money ways. He is much more prudent now but he still does stupid things like he insists on going to a concierge doctor that costs $1700/year and I tell him he has no medical issues and he can't afford it but this was his original doctor and he likes the convenience he says. He also hasn't asked for a raise since he started work over a year ago even though he is now running the store for the business - his friend owns the business and gave him a job since he was unemployed before that and at his age (mid 60s), nothing was coming his way. He even didn't put all of the inherited money into savings and left some $ in his checking account but I can't figure out why (he claims it's for his mother who went into a nursing home and he'll transfer it at months' end, but that makes no sense since she is on Medicaid).

 

I step up and sometimes pay for things which are his sole responsibility just to see if he'll save more but he doesn't.

 

He says he'll pay me rent and if it's less than he pays now, we can put it into the savings account to spend for vacations and the like (although it won't amount to that much I think). Basically, I feel like I"m subsidizing his living expenses. For the same amount or less, he will be living in a beautiful home rather than a one bedroom apt. I may not mind sacrificing to have him in my life, but I feel he isn't sacrificing enough? Am I wrong?

 

I recognize we love each other and he is a good man and is family oriented, but am I being taken advantage of? I'm not that desperate even though I know at my age, the good men are in short supply.

 

Am I being too critical and paranoid in thinking he can't be depended on when he needs to pay for his share whatever that amount is?

[smackie9]

I think you have already posted under different names and the answer is going to be the same.....you shouldn't take the risk of losing your financial stability to be with a broke BF.

 

Good men yes are hard to find, but since you have your own money and don't need to be supported, you shouldn't have any problem attracting a man of good financial status.

 

 

 

My mom is in a situation where her BF is sponging off her....she regrets getting involved with him in a way or wishes she did things differently. She's in a panic, that she will run out of money. She has to sell the RV and re-invest funds to make this work. He does pay for small things, and helps her out with driving.... but he doesn't pay his equal share. She did put in place a prenup agreement but I myself fear it's going to get messy if something happens to her.

Edited May 6, 2019 by smackie9

[Ruby Slippers]

Why in the world are you paying any of HIS expenses? Never do that.

 

I just broke up with my boyfriend, again, for similar reasons. Now that I finally bought my first home, I'm getting serious about my retirement planning. The only way I could stomach being with him, given his poor spending and financial planning habits, was to think about just dating him and keeping our finances separate forever, since I'll never let myself be dragged down by a weak link financially in marriage. But that's a dead end for me, so once again, I had to cut him loose.

 

I think with the right partner, you won't feel worried and burdened by his financial situation and habits. No man will get very far with a decent woman without his ducks in a row financially.

[Ruby Slippers]

smackie9, yes, that's exactly where my mind was going - years together, then he incurs a major medical expense or something and I'm expected to cough up the money from my savings or I'm the bad guy? Money I've worked hard to earn and diligently save while he's frittered all his away? Yeah. NO THANKS! I'd be better off getting cozy with my cat and knitting.