caitlyn5 Posted May 6, 2019 Posted May 6, 2019 So I have met the most incredible guy. We "like" each other at this point. We have been seeing each other for 3 weeks to a month. We're at the point where we're discussing sex. Obviously, something is wrong since I'm posting here again. He surprised me by saying, "I am seeing other women. I want to see what happens. It might make me want to be with you more so in time." I am so lost. If you are so into me. You want to have sex with me, why do you feel the need to see other women? He says he's not, but is he sleeping with other women too? What does this mean? Do I run away at this point? What do I do? He is everything I have ever wanted in a man, but this happened.
Wallysbears Posted May 6, 2019 Posted May 6, 2019 You back off. He's flat out told you that he's also casually dating other women. So now, you make him choose. Them or you. And you do that by not being overly available. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 6, 2019 Posted May 6, 2019 To quote the Millionaire Matchmaker: No sex before monogamy. He was honest & you know where he stands. If you don't like where he stands, change where you stand. In your shoes I'd say something like "I'm OK with where we are right now. I like you & I'd like to see where this goes but just so we're clear we are not going into the bedroom until we're exclusive." He may very well bolt, but what have you really lost? 2
Author caitlyn5 Posted May 6, 2019 Author Posted May 6, 2019 That's what I was thinking. But needing reassurances. I just don't want the guilty feelings wondering, what could have been? But I think in the end it'll be worth it.
d0nnivain Posted May 6, 2019 Posted May 6, 2019 What could have been is he could have used you & then broke things off. Then you don't get the relationship & you lose your dignity / part of your soul. At least this way, you get to keep your self worth. 2
Curiousroxy86 Posted May 6, 2019 Posted May 6, 2019 If I were you 1. id be dating other men. Please don’t let this be the only guy your seeing especially after he said that 2. I wouldn’t have sex until exclusivity anyway for this reason right here. People who are not your boyfriend have the right to f*ck other woman and technically you can’t say sh*t about it if he is not even your boyfriend. Period. 3. I would put him (and any other suitor) on a timeline. If he doesn’t ask for excluvity within two-three months you ignore him cold turkey. If he or any suitor wants to know why your ignoring him you simply let them know “hey Joe it was fun getting to know you but I’m looking for a boyfriend and when you didn’t ask me to be your girl I had to look elsewhere. No hard feelings hun”. Continue dating other men and ignoring him unless he wants exclusivity and you can decide if you even want him at that point. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted May 6, 2019 Posted May 6, 2019 What could have been is he could have used you & then broke things off. Then you don't get the relationship & you lose your dignity / part of your soul. At least this way, you get to keep your self worth. Amen, sister! 1
kendahke Posted May 6, 2019 Posted May 6, 2019 So I have met the most incredible guy. We "like" each other at this point. We have been seeing each other for 3 weeks to a month. We're at the point where we're discussing sex. Obviously, something is wrong since I'm posting here again. He surprised me by saying, "I am seeing other women. I want to see what happens. It might make me want to be with you more so in time." I am so lost. If you are so into me. You want to have sex with me, why do you feel the need to see other women? He says he's not, but is he sleeping with other women too? What does this mean? Do I run away at this point? What do I do? He is everything I have ever wanted in a man, but this happened. Apparently, he isn't everything you've ever wanted in a man because you're one of many while he's your only one. You're already in a losing position because of the numbers and how much you need to be in this relationship with this particular guy. BTW: he put you on notice that this is, as best, an FWB thing you're getting from him. If you want to settle for that, then be content and quiet in your decision because you already know his limitations and are trying to make a meal out of these crumbs. What does this mean? It means you are one of many and most likely not in the #1 or #2 position. It also depends upon how much of a joke you want to make out of yourself whether your stick around for the #4 or #5 spot trying to fight your way to the #1 spot (I don't recommend that course of action). He's free to conduct his life exactly how he sees fit. No harm no foul on his part. You two are not exclusive, so he can date however many women he wants to date. You can excuse yourself from this and find a man who isn't trying to sleep his way up the Northeast Corridor.
smackie9 Posted May 6, 2019 Posted May 6, 2019 Some guys are like that...they want to make sure the sex is amazing before they go to the next level. It is what it is.
preraph Posted May 6, 2019 Posted May 6, 2019 I don't know if this is all about sex or not, but I assume so. All you know for sure is he isn't going to commit right now and is seeing other women. It may be because there's no sex or he doesn't know how the sex will be. If so, you just need to decide if it's okay with you if your main worth is being measured by a man by how and when you have sex with him. And if you've been on here long enough, you know that is very often the case. That doesn't mean you should have sex with him! If I were you I'd probably blow him off because it's very likely he's just all about sex and not much else. He's of course been great to you while you're dating in the first month -- because if not, he will not get sex. He probably figures now he's told you he's seeing other women, he's sealed his fate, so don't feel bad. Date other guys. Find one that things feel right with.
spiderowl Posted May 6, 2019 Posted May 6, 2019 It might make him want to be with you moreso in time? Doesn't he want to be with you now? Obviously not as much as you want him or he wouldn't be saying things like that. I know you like the guy, but honestly I would dump him after hearing that. He is not only saying he is seeing other women, he is also saying he is not sure how much he likes you at the moment.
curlygirl40 Posted May 7, 2019 Posted May 7, 2019 So I have met the most incredible guy. We "like" each other at this point. We have been seeing each other for 3 weeks to a month. We're at the point where we're discussing sex. Obviously, something is wrong since I'm posting here again. He surprised me by saying, "I am seeing other women. I want to see what happens. It might make me want to be with you more so in time." I am so lost. If you are so into me. You want to have sex with me, why do you feel the need to see other women? He says he's not, but is he sleeping with other women too? What does this mean? Do I run away at this point? What do I do? He is everything I have ever wanted in a man, but this happened. Well for me 'Everything I have ever wanted in a man' would not be a man who is this wishy washy a month into a relationship. So you don't really know if he's everything you've wanted. He's more 'looks good on paper' right? You have a decision to make. I know it takes time and people don't always enter into a bf/gf relationship right away, but just the way he worded it creeps me out. I would back off a little bit and make him chase you as you're also considering your options. And no sex until exclusive. He shouldn't hold all the cards here. All the creepy cards. 1
I'veseenbetterlol Posted May 7, 2019 Posted May 7, 2019 He is def not everything you want in a guy. He is manipulating you, saying give me sex and I might want to be w/you. TBH I'd kick him to the curb. No he isn't exclusive w/you, but there are better ways to approach dating other people. Don't feed his ego, know that you deserve someone who wants to be w/you w/out manipulating you for sex.
rightondude Posted May 7, 2019 Posted May 7, 2019 well, I'll play contrarian and say most guys wouldn't have dropped that little bombshell prior to having sex if you guys were already "discussing it (?!)" ... most guys would have waited until after. "Whoa I didn't think this meant we were serious? Sorry I should have told you, I'm seeing other girls! But, I really like you, and I think once I see them and they won't have sex with me I'll REALLY be into you!" So at least he's honest. Or stupid.
Inspire Posted May 7, 2019 Posted May 7, 2019 It's has been my experience that some people will only date (be courted) one person at a time, while others believe in continuing to date until the point of exclusivity. I don't think there is anything weird about it, it's just a matter of how you approach dating. It sounds like he isn't rushing into things and that isn't always a bad thing. He was honest and upfront about where you two stand and now you just need to decide for yourself if you're ok with that. Sometimes people just want to get to know someone before moving to the next step and that takes time.
basil67 Posted May 7, 2019 Posted May 7, 2019 Some guys are like that...they want to make sure the sex is amazing before they go to the next level. It is what it is. I don't understand this. The couple could simply go exclusive, find that sex is rubbish or they aren't generally suited and break up. The next level is hardly a promise of forever. 1
TheFinalWord Posted May 7, 2019 Posted May 7, 2019 I would pull back and not make him the center of your world. I'm not into prescribing multi-dating, but I would definitely not have sex with him anytime soon. One good thing here is can you imagine if you had sex sooner and he dropped this on you? This is why it's important to get to know someone, before becoming intimate. This is something about his character you did not know about. Why it's good to put someone on probation until you see their true colors. The good thing here is he told you about it. You might risk losing him by putting up your own boundaries. But you should definitely do so. It also sounds a bit threatening. It would one thing to say he is dating other women, but to say that it might make him want to be with you more in time. That means he's expecting you to put in your best effort for him to pick you. I would personally not be down with this, but that's me. If a girl told me this, I would tell her to go ahead and explore those options and reach back out if things don't work out and you want to get to know only me. I know that's a bit harsh, but those are my standards. A lot of people do not see it that way. They think it's perfectly acceptable to date and sleep with multiple people at a time. I know this is not something I would want to deal with. Just think if you put your all in, and then he picks one of these other women? It's one thing if you two date and it doesn't work out. But to lose out to another woman? How will that impact your self-esteem? Especially if you really like this guy? I don't know you and what your personal boundaries are, but those are some things you might want to ask yourself. 1
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