silverlove Posted May 5, 2019 Posted May 5, 2019 I was dating a girl for 2 and 1/2 months, 1 and 1/2 exclusively. Things were great and we were really having fun together. We went away for her bday weekend and had the best time. When we returned she was so grateful and told me thanks and how great I was. We made a bunch of upcoming plans but the next time I saw her she ended things saying she didnt see a future together. This was a shock cause things between us were great from interests, values and sex. We ended up having a fun night and slept together where she said things that implied we were still together. I gave her a few days space and wrote a very nice letter which she said brought her to tears. We met up and it was apparent there is something between us. She implied we would sleep together again but i said she should have the night to herself. We went out again and just had fun together. I didnt really reach out after that but she kept initiating. We were gonna go out again but could not agree on the time frame and i stuck to my guns and refused. She kept reaching out and i asked to see her before she went away. First to her family for the weekend, then out of the country. We went out had the best time and ended up back at my place. i put her in a cab at the end of the night and asked her to be open to me and she said she was. she continued to be the one texting me even when i would not respond. I went over her place before she was leaving the country and brought her some small gifts. She was texting me up until the flight took off the next day. I asked her to let me know she made it to her destination alright. I did not hear from her for a few days but saw she her posting on social media. She finally wrote me and I didnt respond right away. A few hours later she wrote me on another platform if i got her message. We ened up texting throughout the whole next day and even spoke that night. She is making a career change and i was very supportive. The next day I sent her flowers with a lovley note. She wrote me and was very surprised. We texted and then the next day she texted me but i never responded as I needed some perspective and her message was pretty superficial. That was 3 days ago and have not heard from her since. I really care about this girl! should I write her? should i wait for her to reach out to me? should i just wait till she is back this week. Should i just let her go? any advice would help.
preraph Posted May 5, 2019 Posted May 5, 2019 When will she be back in the country? I wouldn't do anything except text or call until she comes back. I don't think you can build a relationship very well long distance. And if she isn't coming back, you're chasing your tail.
Author silverlove Posted May 5, 2019 Author Posted May 5, 2019 She is back this week. Been debating about reaching out or giving her space till she comes back.
The Outlaw Posted May 5, 2019 Posted May 5, 2019 Since she seems to initiate, send her a text. Keep in touch and try to keep things going if you feel there's a good chance at a future with her.
Author silverlove Posted May 5, 2019 Author Posted May 5, 2019 Thanks, just wondering if some space on her trip to figure her stuff out is best. I am not into games but also want her to miss me and feel what its like to not have me there for her all the time. Then part of me is like just text her, "thinking of you, hope you are having a great trip".
mejustme Posted May 5, 2019 Posted May 5, 2019 If this were me, I’d back off. I wouldn’t want to ever convince someone to feel a certain way about me. Good luck to you 1
BC1980 Posted May 6, 2019 Posted May 6, 2019 I would back off. She's clearly controlling everything, which is a bad dynamic. Both people need to be equally interested.
kendahke Posted May 6, 2019 Posted May 6, 2019 the next time I saw her she ended things saying she didnt see a future together. I'd leave her alone. The only reason she's initiating texts is out of guilt for using you to pay for her birthday trip. She got a trip out of you for her birthday and that's probably all she was after--a guy to spend money on her. I'd stop pursuing her. She doesn't want what you want.
d0nnivain Posted May 6, 2019 Posted May 6, 2019 She's already made her decision. She likes you as in thinks you are a good person but she is not interested in dating you. All in all you moved too fast. Dating 2 months, taking her away for her birthday was over the top. Save traveling for much later in the relationship.
Author silverlove Posted May 6, 2019 Author Posted May 6, 2019 Thanks, everyone. I have decided to back off. Also, I did not pay for the whole trip. She split the hotel cost and paid for some meals. She told me she feels something with me and really, really likes me but perhaps I did come on too strong and scared her away by being so open, emotionally honest, generous and flattering. Within a month I felt something for this woman and didn't feel right dating others and ended things with the other woman I was seeing. I asked her to be sexually exclusive but at first, she said she wasn't ready. She had been dating someone else and while they had not slept together they had plans she was determined to keep. I was upset and confused as we had spent every other day together, she really opened up to me and the sex was next level. I decided to set up a date for myself and was prepared to move on. That night while on my date I got a text from her, that she didnt feel right and was not having fun. I didnt respond and was enjoying my date. Went to another bar and was having a blast until guess who walks up to us. That's right, I could not believe it! She awkwardly left and shortly after I got texts from her that she ended it with the other guy and I should ditch my date and meet her. I did end up seeing her that night and she said she wanted to be exclusive. it was in the heat of passion so I asked if we could talk about it out of the bedroom. The next day she texts me asking if I changed my mind. I said we can talk next time we see each other. We did and she said being sexual exclusivity was confusing and wanted to be my Gf. I felt something with her that I hadn't before, not love more like fate if that makes sense. Feel like she wanted me most when she thought she would lose me but when I committed to her and was clear I was very into it, it pushed her away. I am confused moving forward with women to be myself or to hold back and play "the game".
kendahke Posted May 6, 2019 Posted May 6, 2019 (edited) Keep dating that other woman. In fact, invest more time with her than this game playing nutter. Play no games with no grown woman unless you want a childish mess on your hands. As long as she's "confused" about exclusivity, that means she's holding out hope to have sex with that other guy she's trying to convince you she doesn't want, but her behavior is saying she's yearning for him as long as she's holding you at bay. She told you she saw no future with you--don't forget that. What she's doing now is making sure she's got some summer romance coming from somewhere and she'll settle for getting it from you while she marks time til the other guy gives her the green light. Also, she didn't want to be with you out of her own volition: she just didn't want you to be with someone else. Funny how it took the presence of another woman for her to open a can of "act right"---you on your own wasn't enough to bring her there, so keep that in mind while you talk yourself into giving her a pass. Her not wanting you to be with your date doesn't mean she wants to be with you... like I said, she already told you she doesn't see a future with you. You might want not water that field of her budding romance for a while and see what she will arse herself to do of her own volition. In the meantime, call your date that you had a lovely time with and book up this weekend with her. Be with the one who acts like she wants to be with you without some drama being added for more flavor. Edited May 6, 2019 by kendahke
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