Lobouspo Posted May 4, 2019 Posted May 4, 2019 So her niece lives in third world country, and she is going to bring her to the U.S. on a student visa. She is getting alot of financial aid through the school's scholorship fund but still owes. $11,000. My fiancee already works full time as an RN and is studying to be a nurse practitioner. She is going to have to pick up extra shifts to cover the tuition. I'm worried this will stretch her thin and will affect our relationship and limitvout quality time with each othwr. How should I tell her my concerns?
frus69 Posted May 4, 2019 Posted May 4, 2019 If she values family bonds, she ain't gonna change her mind and you would just seem selfish to her. Do you not agree she should help her niece financially? Or you just simply worry shes gunna be too tired. If it's the latter, I say offer more help and care for her and be there for her. If it's the first, that's a bigger issue. You two have incompatible values.
basil67 Posted May 4, 2019 Posted May 4, 2019 Given that your fiance has already made the promise to her niece, what goal would you have if you raised the topic with her?
preraph Posted May 4, 2019 Posted May 4, 2019 I'd be more worried about if the niece was going to end up a living with you two. 1
snowcones Posted May 4, 2019 Posted May 4, 2019 I'd be more worried about if the niece was going to end up a living with you two. Good point. That probably will end up being the case. 1
Foxhall Posted May 4, 2019 Posted May 4, 2019 like everything else....just send her a text lol, enjoyed that
Foxhall Posted May 4, 2019 Posted May 4, 2019 Id respect that your fiancée has made this decision and support her, In my country there would tend to be a lot of discussion on this, your fiancée would be consulting with you , family and friends looking for approval on whether she should do this or not, I admire a person who makes a decision and knows her mind. 1
ShiningMoon Posted May 4, 2019 Posted May 4, 2019 (edited) This is my perspective, but I believe her committing to paying her niece's tuition is really none of your business. Education is important and I'm surprised you'd rather ensure your fiancee gets quality time with you, instead of securing her niece's future which is a long-term investment. That is a bit of a selfish concern, in my eyes. You should be proud of your fiancee for offering to assist with her niece's tuition. Not everyone is capable nor willing to do that. This 11K might take a year to be paid off, but this probably won't drag for years. At the end of the day, it is her money, her choice and her family. You have no say on this in my view. You fiancee has probably spoken about it to her family. They're probably not in a position to assist, hence requested the help of your fiancee. To be honest, your concern is slightly selfish. If this commitment does not put your fiancee or you in financial jeopardy, I don't see the issue. I'm sure you'd do the same for a relative should a similar case happen. Edited May 4, 2019 by ShiningMoon 1
gaius Posted May 4, 2019 Posted May 4, 2019 Of course it's his business, they're getting married. If her making this financial commitment impacts their relationship and the time they have to spend together then it absolutely needs to become a mutual decision. I would tell her that you admire her drive to want to help, but now that you're getting married stuff like that needs to be discussed before being committed to. And that you will do the same with her. It's probably too late at this point to have her reneg but you can make clear in a nice way that she shouldnt handle something that way again. 3
d0nnivain Posted May 4, 2019 Posted May 4, 2019 Money is a hot button topic that can do a lot of damage to a relationship. You have to talk to your FI. Start by praising her for being generous & concerned about her niece's well being but then talk about your concerns. If you two are getting married you need to start functioning as a financial team. Unilateral big decisions are a no no.
darkmoon Posted May 4, 2019 Posted May 4, 2019 (edited) The request will not stop at tuition fees, imho. You need to say how much and when, if anything. Boundaries that are clear. And if the niece is studying at college, that makes the aunt almost middle-aged, which is not the time of life to be burdened, remarkably, by a younger fitter human. Edited May 4, 2019 by darkmoon
Gaeta Posted May 4, 2019 Posted May 4, 2019 Your girlfriend is an unstoppable train wreck about to happen, I am surprised you are still willing to remain on board. Another instance showing how irresponsible your girlfriend is. Not long ago she wanted you to co-sign for an important amount of money, she is building a house in another country she cannot afford and looked up to you to cover for her missing cash, now she makes a promise she cannot afford who you think she will turn to when she doesn't have the money! 3
Simple Logic Posted May 4, 2019 Posted May 4, 2019 There are a lot of people who are not responsible with money, you are engaged to one. People like this are usually do not change their behavior easily. 1
preraph Posted May 4, 2019 Posted May 4, 2019 Caution: There are women who get married just because they think that ought to free up their work pay to spend however they want in stead of paying the bills. You need to have a talk and be sure she understands that she will be paying half of everything if you marry. 1
Wallysbears Posted May 5, 2019 Posted May 5, 2019 How many issues do the two of you need to have before you call off this wedding?
emeraldgreen Posted May 5, 2019 Posted May 5, 2019 If she's from a developing nation, you should be familiar with "love me; love my family".
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