What do you think? Do you search or wait for the right person to come to you?

[RecordProducer]

Yes, it's about eliminating the trash and finding the pearl. I completely understand how you feel. We always imagine that other people have many dates and wonderful relationships, but the truth is for most of us dating was just like it is for you now.

 

I've had the same experience as you. No dates or they use me for one night then never call me again. The guys who hit on me were total losers so at one point Istarted wondering if I seemed like an easy girl or defective because I have children or what?

 

Then I met the love of my life. He has had many women for casual sex in his life, but he is in love with me. I don't care about his past and his previous relationships. He has been in love a few times. You shouldn't care whether the guy you're dating has used other women for sex as long as he is not using you.

 

I think if you open your eyes wide, you can actually feel whether someone wants you just for sex or romance. If you've had sex a few times in a few weeks and he doesn't call every day then obviously he considers you a FB. I think it's not about guys who only need sex as much as it is about compatibility. When you find the right guy, he will want romance. All the others want just sex. It's better to learn to deal with it and keep searching than give up and remain single.

[Pyro]

I am seeking other people's opinions and ideas whether or not a person should search for a partner in life or just wait for one to just happen in your life?

 

What is your opinion on finding a significant other?

 

IMHO, the best one's will always come around when you least expect it. At least this is how it has happened so far for myself.

 

I think that my problem is after i go through a break-up and the frieving over losing her, I get anxious to go out and meet someone new. I don't try too hard when approaching someone, it's just when I am expecting or I am trying to meet a potential significant other, there is always something that doesn't work out. I guess that you could say that i am picky to an extent, but I think that we all need to be that way. I just can't explain why it hasn't worked out in these circumstances.

 

When i relax and just worry about doing my own thing, like going out with friends and having a good time, whether it be at a party, bar or another friends house, it has always caught me by surprise. I can't wait for the next surprise in my life.

[Curt]

Men have the ability to seperate their emotional feelings from sexual pleasure. Some women too to a degree. I believe when men are able to get pleasure without investing any of themselves except whats between there legs they won't feel the need to find commitment to a woman.

 

Rest assured that many men look at true love and romance as the goal as well. I think you're right in saying that the "game" has changed, though. Everything today is a commodity in a world where most things are either literally or figuratively "for sale," and that includes sex.

 

Your ideas are much the same as mine. I can't imagine being with a woman whom I was not interested in romantically. I am one of those guys who wants the "lovemaking" and not just the sex. To look into the eyes of the woman I love as we share each other's affection ... that's what I want.

 

Love and sex are different ideas. Love is always an investment in a person; using each other for sex is about as "surface" as one can get.

 

She will need to trust me implicitly, and when we share each other's affection, she needs to be willing to love and be loved with absolute abandon. I can accept no less.

 

The women of such character and moral poise are hard to find.

 

Curt

[basscatcher]

Your ideas are much the same as mine. I can't imagine being with a woman whom I was not interested in romantically. I am one of those guys who wants the "lovemaking" and not just the sex. To look into the eyes of the woman I love as we share each other's affection ... that's what I want.

 

Love and sex are different ideas. Love is always an investment in a person; using each other for sex is about as "surface" as one can get.

 

She will need to trust me implicitly, and when we share each other's affection, she needs to be willing to love and be loved with absolute abandon. I can accept no less.

 

The women of such character and moral poise are hard to find.

 

Curt

 

 

 

Seriously, where have you been all my life!!

If I give myself without any true interest in the man as a possible future mate I can hardly feel good about myself. I feel like I degraded myself and really let myself down.

I am not a surface kind of person. I feel too deeply and usually over kill analyzing a potential partner. I don't mean that as in looking for the perfect person because I know for a fact there is no perfect person.

 

Ditto's on your statement but reversed of the opposite sex. "finding a man of such character and moral poise are hard to find." Love is about investment in the person. I feel, because of the free-for-all with sex, people are so deeply wounded they fear investing of themselves. (Usually self inflicted.)

I know where I have gone wrong with my own life where I caused my own self inflictions that have caused issues with me trusting in another person. If I would always choose the right actions I wouldnt injure myself and therefore I would be able to invest myself without any restraints. I believe when we aren't true to ourselves and honest with ourselves we cause injury to our being.

(I'm falling off the original topic of my thread. ahaha:laugh: --- )

watch out folks shes heading for a tangent..

[NewLee40]

Last year, after 10 years of being alone, I decided to start "looking" and tried the online dating scene. Part of the reason I waited so long was my self confidence was nil' because I was overweight. I finally lost the weight and was looking pretty hot, so I put an ad out on the online personals and the response was like bugs to a light. I dated a lot and it was exhausting.

 

I was strung out, and exhausted after about a month of that. There were all the phone calls, the dates, the juggling, trying to to separate the good ones from the bad, the disappointments, the rejection, and the disappointment of being led to believe a guy was really serious about you and finding out (too late) that he was just looking for a hook-up. I decided to give that up and the last guy I met, I actually believed was "the one." Turns out he was the biggest player of them all, but worse, he was an emotional vampire and has put me through the ringer for the last year.

 

It drove me to therapy, and my therapist actually said all this dating was like a form of self-abuse, and I believe in your case, perhaps that's why your family wants you to stop. Getting your hopes up and having them dashed repeatedly is hard on the psyche. And the depression and cynicism that results afterwards can be devastating.

 

So, I'm not a big fan of the online dating scene. Sure, there may be a pearl at the bottom of that ocean, but can you survive your swim among all the sharks you will encounter on your way to him?

 

There's got to be a better way.

 

I'm not much into clubs or bars. I enjoy them, actually, because I like to dance and enjoy the festive atmosphere. But as a place to meet a quality someone, your odds aren't much better.

 

I have had the experience of receiving approving looks from men when I'm just out and about doing the normal stuff. But, as you said, nothing ever comes of it. I am kind of shy about approaching men, and I can't seem to get the guts up to start a conversation with any of them. Maybe that's a skil I need to work on. I know guys can be shy, too. And as you said, sometimes being attractive can make you seem unapproachable. Perhaps its going to be up to us, in those situations, to break the ice. Damn. I'm so bad at that. LOL

 

I have learned to hate the advice that people hand out about meeting the right someone when you aren't looking, but there is probably some merit to it. A woman on the "hunt" can emit a certain vibe that a man might be averse to. No good man wants a needy woman, and there may be a vibe we are putting out that deters them.

 

I dunno..this is so complicated.

 

All I can do is tell you my plan, and that is to just live my life, stop looking and recognize that the odds are pretty long so I better figure out how to be happy without that person. I have given up that I'll be able to "find him" by playing the online numbers game. I just need to meet people, and be out in the world, and as I read somewhere on the net, "if it is meant to be, the right guy will have a wreck in your yard." He'll pretty much have to in my case, I think.

 

BTW...Curt...I'm supposed to be really compatible with Scorpios and I've never dated one.

[basscatcher]

Newlee40 what you said makes sense. You sound like you have a good insight to this from personal experience and counceling.

It's hard to control ones desire and that is the stuggle I have. I want to love again and be loved. I need to find more strength in myself to accept where I am not and not just survive it but to live it.

[Curt]

I have had the experience of receiving approving looks from men when I'm just out and about doing the normal stuff. But, as you said, nothing ever comes of it. I am kind of shy about approaching men, and I can't seem to get the guts up to start a conversation with any of them. Maybe that's a skil I need to work on. I know guys can be shy, too. And as you said, sometimes being attractive can make you seem unapproachable. Perhaps its going to be up to us, in those situations, to break the ice. Damn. I'm so bad at that. LOL

 

It seems like a great number of men and women have a hard time stepping out of their "safety zone" and approaching a gal/guy that has taken their interest. It's a shame, really, when we consider that a shift in our social paradigm (toward that direction) might cause a lot more people to meet, find someone they click with, and forge good relationships together.

 

Instead, a number of gals and guys see a person they'd like to meet across a room, then come up with a bunch of reasons as to why they can't go talk to that other person, (i.e., seems too forward/clingy/desparate ... or better yet, think it's the other person's "job" ) then proceed to end up going home feeling lonely and/or disillusioned with the whole dating scene.

 

I have learned to hate the advice that people hand out about meeting the right someone when you aren't looking, but there is probably some merit to it. A woman on the "hunt" can emit a certain vibe that a man might be averse to. No good man wants a needy woman, and there may be a vibe we are putting out that deters them.

 

Perhaps there is merit to that idea. Nonetheless, I believe that one still needs to "put oneself out there." Otherwise, what chance is there that someone will just "happen along."

 

BTW ... Curt ... I'm supposed to be really compatible with Scorpios and I've never dated one.

 

Well then, you need to find a good Scorpio guy and give it a shot. We're an interesting breed, ya know.

 

Curt

[NewLee40]

Well then, you need to find a good Scorpio guy and give it a shot. We're an interesting breed, ya know.

 

Oh, I know it. My father is one and he is a textbook case of Scorpio...perhaps that's why I never dared date one. LOL Nah..mainly, I just haven't met any.