standtall Posted May 8, 2019 Posted May 8, 2019 OP, red flags all around here. You need to do some digging to be 100% sure, and if she isn't cheating, it is time to get into some MC for both and IC for her.
Xeen Posted May 12, 2019 Posted May 12, 2019 I've been lurking here and never thought I would register, but reading this thread made my blood run cold. Note I'm not a healthcare professional. This woman should not be trusted with children. To the extent that it can't be helped, she needs to be handled with extreme care, and falsely when necessary. OP seems to be hovering over the likelihood of cheating, and honestly that's probably what's happening, but so long as suicide is a possibility the rest of it needs to be ignored. If it turns out she is cheating, failure to act promptly and wisely won't cause additional harm. If she is contemplating suicide or worse, failure to act could mean everything. If I read this right, she followed sex by directly launching into an insult and a threat about her ability to withhold sex. Never mind that it was inappropriate and cruel and weird, above all else it reveals a burning anger. This woman is furious and she hides it nearly all of the time. That she spends so much of her time at home on Facebook also reveals deep loneliness, and suspending her account suggests that this outlet for her social needs has been upended somehow. I suspect further investigation would reveal that she has cut contact with many or all of her old friends. It is important not to argue with her or upset her, but also not to be cowed or otherwise show weakness. Especially don't let her wag the notion of trust at you in order to silence you. Do your best to ignore this and other such challenges, and instead stay focused on keeping her calm, making her feel loved and valued, but refusing to quarrel with her. However, don't be afraid to ask if she really is contemplating suicide. This can seem like a dangerous thing to do, but from what I have read it is actually the most prudent. See the following article for more on this. How The 5 Steps Can Help Someone Who is Suicidal - #BeThe1To Meanwhile please be aware that suicide hotlines are not just for people who are actively contemplating suicide. They are for anyone in crisis, including people like you who are dealing with a suicidal, or potentially suicidal, person. Finally, please do everything you can to place a relative, nanny, housekeeper, or neighbor within sight or at least earshot of those kids whenever possible. 1
major_merrick Posted May 12, 2019 Posted May 12, 2019 I'm not usually an advocate of reporting someone to the authorities, but the lady's suicidal statements can be used to get her placed in protective custody for a while until this gets sorted out. Whether she is cheating or suicidal, it will stop the "camping alone" thing that is coming up. It is probably your best card to play in either case. If she's suicidal, she gets help for her depression and her life gets saved. That's a win, whether you stay together or not. If she's cheating, you get some time to investigate without her stopping you. Use the time she's on suicide watch to go through phone, internet, and anything else you can think of. Plant keyloggers, cameras, GPS, whatever you need to do.
SpiceCat Posted May 13, 2019 Posted May 13, 2019 In general, a person who talks about suicide is less likely to follow through, as talking about it is more of a cry for help than a threat. Please get her some help ASAP!
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